Humor Non-Fiction posted February 20, 2021


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The Wearing of the Green

by Begin Again

Non-Fiction Writing Contest Contest Winner 

















It was a big day for us. Not because of all the festivities, but because we snagged our largest client. Greenlee, a local manufacturing company, offered my corporate catering business the opportunity to serve their international visitors and the company's entire personnel at a St. Patrick’s Day celebration feast.

Their order ranked at the top of the list; a make or break moment for a small mom and pop business. The tension was high amongst the staff; feeding 500 people was no small feat even for a larger crew. Displaying the delectable variety of food was as important as how it would taste. Everything was checked and double-checked. Our team always took enormous pride in their work, but they clearly understood what was on the line.

The kitchen was buzzing with activity. The aroma of corned beef and cabbage and hearty Irish stew filled every nook and cranny. Trays of deviled eggs (choice of avocado filled or regular ones dyed pastel green)   were decorated and ready to be served. Shamrock biscuits filled baskets lined with green linen. Leprechaun chow mix, mint chocolate chip cookies, and green velvet cheesecake were the choices for dessert. Rows of stainless steel chafers filled with a wide variety of entrees lined the counters as our delivery time approached.

One minute we were marveling at how smoothly everything was going. Seconds later, chaos erupted.

The platter-sized garbage disposal began belching leftovers in distaste. The ancient plumbing groaned in agony from the backed-up overload of green this and green that. The dishwasher's water smelled like rotten green slime. If this was a Leprechaun’s idea of a joke, no one was laughing.

My “I-can-do-everything” husband heard our screams. He promptly left his duties as chief cook and charged in for the rescue.

“I’ll call a plumber,” I moaned. My anxiety was hitting close to 100%. “Go back to your stoves.”

“No! A plumber will take too long to get here. We need it cleared now,” he yelled.

Unfortunately, he was right. I hated to admit it, but I did. “Okay, Okay! Will it take long?”

“No, it’s just a clog. Somebody grab my tools.” While one of the workers raced to the backroom for the toolbox, Mike started to plunge it. Nothing happened! He reached down into the bowels of the disposal and yanked a handful of chewed-up kale, parsley, lettuce, celery, and whatever from inside. All the girls’ stomachs turned as he tossed the slime out of his way. A chorus of “Eewww” followed the splat.

The trusty toolbox arrived. Mike grabbed a pipe wrench and got to work. In a matter of minutes, he said the pipes were clear. Everyone cheered!

During the cheers and clapping, Mike instructed me to push the start button.  Unfortunately,  I missed the part that followed. “Wait till I say when.”

As he stood peering into the garbage disposal, his ever-helpful wife, me,  pushed start. From the bowels of sewage, a slimy green geyser erupted, covering my husband’s face, hair, and every inch of his upper torso with garbage. Fearing for my life, I ran with a trail of nasty words burning my ears.

Seconds later, I peeked around the corner. My knees were knocking. I feared for my life.

Green slime was everywhere. It oozed and dripped from my husband's body, especially his face and hair. Grabbing a stack of clean towels, I edged closer, remaining out of reach of his murderous arms. He would have won first place in a Hulk contest, not that anyone was mentioning it.

I stretched my hand out to give him the towels.

His dark brown eyes looked directly into mine as he spoke, "Honey, you are sooooo lucky I love you.”

His simple words broke the tension.

 I exploded into uncontrollable laughter. The entire staff soon followed. Mike tried to bury his laughter in the towels as he wiped the sewage off his face.

Gratefully, his humor was still intact. I would live for another day. I loved that guy!

A quick move to the restroom to remove the green parsley remnants and a change of his t-shirt was required before duty called. We still had work to do!

Days later, I would share our St. Patrick’s Day fiasco with our friends. Today, we proved we could step up to the plate and shine regardless of what was thrown at us. Well, let’s be honest, it should read what was thrown at Mike!



Non-Fiction Writing Contest
Contest Winner

Recognized


My husband had many businesses, but when he joined me at the catering business our lives took a big turn. Luckily, we both had a good sense of humor and loved to laugh. I will never forget those seconds when green parsley blasted from the garbage disposal like the Yosemite. My instant thoughts were - Oh my God and then run.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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