Fanatics to the left of me and zealots to the right,
my weirdness meter needle's spun completely out of sight.
They're righteous and they're angry and they only speak the truth,
though some might say belligerence and rudeness is uncouth.

They tell me I'm a communist today, then, blow me down,
tomorrow I'm a Satanist or bleeding-hearted clown.
I'm drowning here in adjectives they choose to fling my way,
I wonder if my mother knows I'm godless, dumb and gay?

I vented to my ponies, but they didn't seem to care.
The sheep showed little sympathy and ambled off somewhere.
The goats and the alpacas called the other critters rude,
although I really do suspect they're hanging out for food.

I'm really over all this banal, absolutist crap
and wish the doomsday prophets would just take a little nap,
or suddenly acquire the nuanced vision that they lack
and recognise reality is not all white and black.

Somehow I'm certain of this fact -- I'm asking far too much.
The world has gone berserk about conspiracies and such.
So I'm just hanging out at home, surrounded by my clan
and trying to ignore the utter pettiness of man.