In the midst of a snowstorm
I had a bright thought.
"Let's go to a place
Where this blizzard is not."

Our trip was impulsive.
But what did we know?
Our only objective:
Escaping the snow.

With lots of excitement
We jumped in the van.
With a bag full of snacks
And hopes for a tan.

In 2004, with no
Screen-time distractions,
We tried to enthrall kids
With coming attractions.

The two teenage darlings
Talked only of beaches;
The two happy toddlers
Agreed with loud screeches.

The five year old boy who
So quietly sat
In the very last row
Had sneaked in the cat.

But no worries. We're staying
With my younger brother,
With four of his own pets.
So what is another?

"Pass me the Twinkies."
"Stop kicking at me!"
"Are we almost there yet?"
"Mom, I gotta pee."

I looked at my husband and
He gave me a frown.
We were not even out of
Our little home town.

We cranked up the radio and
Drove through the night.
Ozzy Osbourne did well to
Drown out every fight.

We knew God was with us,
Had taken our side,
When six passengers slept
Almost half of the ride.

Exhausted but calm
We pulled into the drive,
The entire Dodge Caravan
Bursted alive.

The newly trained toddlers
Had both Peed their pants.
The teenagers, who held it,
Were doing a dance.

The five year old sat
At quite a strange angle
Controlling poor Fluffy with
A loving care strangle.

The kids were all stinky
And sticky with goo.
But my bachelor brother knew
Just what to do.

"I got this," he said.
"You two hit the sack."
Then he led the parade
To the pool out in back.

After four hours,
We awoke from our nap
To clean children with pizza,
One on my bro's lap.

The next day we were to
Invade Disney World.
But before we bought tickets
A teenager hurled.

Back into the car
We returned to the house.
Tomorrow we'd go and
We'd see Mickey Mouse.

The next day the children
Were all feeling well.
But me? Not so much.
I felt like pure hell.

I stayed in that bed for
Three days and three nights.
I slept through the beach and
Through seeing the sights.

And when I awoke from my
Sick induced coma,
My nostrils were tickled
With Saucy aroma.

I showered and out to
The kitchen, did roam.
"Glad you woke up 'cause
It's time to go home."

I scarfed down some pizza
Then chugged some cold water
And started to pack with
The help of one daughter.

We all hugged my brother then
Piled into our seats
To head back to the blizzard and
Away from the heat.

As we merged on the interstate
In time, not quite random,
Four of the children were
Puking in tandem.

We pulled into the drive-through,
Got 10 cups with lids,
"Throw up in these cups,"
We instructed the kids.

And so they did puke, and
They dozed and they cried,
While Ozzy rejoined us
For the return ride.

After what seemed like weeks,
Our house was in view.
I sighed with relief as
This nightmare was through.

We never quite managed to
Get rid of the smell...
The constant reminder of
Our road trip from hell.