A long time ago in a distant land, there was a yarn about a man of the cloth named Tartan the Tailor who served the famous Lord Argyle.

Tartan's reputation was woven with stories of his many accomplishments at fitting all the members of the Royal Court. He could fit anybody, big or small. In fact, he once made a kilt for the fattest of Lord Argyle's Knights, Sir Cumference, who was renowned for his pi eating ability.

Tartan the Tailor often fashioned plaid dresses for Miss Lacy, the humble Scotch distiller's daughter. Even though she was not a member of the court, he loved her still. To show his love, he gave her free dresses with no strings attached and many love letters. But being a bit backward, when it came to writing, he wrote inverse.

Do to their social separation, they decided to run off. They were going to bring her two pet raccoons but the stage couch driver said only one carrion is allowed.

When they arrived in Paris, overwhelmed by grief at the loss of her pet raccoon, Lacy jumped off a bridge. She was truly in Seine.

Then Tartan the Tailor, became Tartan the Terrorist and threw a bomb into the kitchen window of a French restaurant, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

Remorseful, he decided to become an Atheist and joined a non-prophet organization.