Kamala ran from the house, tears stinging her eyes, as the luscious mahogany door slammed shut behind her. She stumbled through the iron gate and onto the cold empty street.

It wasn't her fault. She couldn't help herself. It had just... happened. Again.

*********************
16 YEARS LATER
*********************

They gazed romantically into each other's eyes over their shared plate of gourmet spaghetti.

"Take it with you," he said gently, slipping her an envelope. "So you'll always have a way to look back, and remember me".

She reached over, touching his hand. "Thank you for understanding how much the DNC needs me," she whispered, moving closer. They were having a moment.

The spaghetti they were both trying to eat at the same time was getting tangled. Sauce was all over the place. The moment was over, and Kamala made her way out quietly.

In the adjacent room, a blonde lady named Marla had been listening in, and was less than thrilled. She made up her mind then and there that she was going to leave her husband, but it would be another two years before it happened.

Outside, Kamala opened the envelope. Inside was a check for $5000, signed by none other than The Donald.

*********************
13 YEARS LATER
*********************

A television is on in Trump Tower, where Donald Junior, JD Vance, and his wife Usha are all watching the preseason play-by-play. With the power of modern AI and the TB12 diet, an unexpected combination of sportscasters is taking the stage together:

TOM BRADY: Once again folks, it looks like Kamala is in the doghouse. What happened to her?

JOHN MADDEN AI GHOST: Joe and Jill assigned her to babysit the Southern Border. Something must have happened.

BRADY: It looks like it was a colossal failure. 10 million people have magically slipped through the border and now suddenly the Democrats are pretending to be tough on the border after the fact.

MADDEN: You nailed it, Tom. It's a political masterpiece for them to blame the Republicans, but let's see if Kamala can actually pull off an explanation for their scheme.

BRADY: Kamala Harris in front of a microphone? Oh boy.

MADDEN: Tom, it looks like she was trying to serve up one of those word salads again. What's that thing I'm seeing on her face, Tom?

BRADY: It looks like Joe has her muzzled again! Four years ago, WHO would have guessed that Joe would be the responsible one in this political relationship?

MADDEN: She just can't hold her tongue, can she? Let's hear a replay of what she said the other day. [cues up replay]

KAMALA: I do believe that we should have rightly believed, but we certainly believe that certain issues are just settled --

INTERVIEWER: Vice President Harris, are you saying that eating puppies should be allowed in any circumstances? What about after they've already been born?

KAMALA: I can imagine what can be, and be unburdened by what has been.

BRADY: That explains it for sure, John. Biden really needs to pass the ball to Michelle Obama. She has by far the best chance of taking Trump down. Let's all pray that the Democrats have an open election process this year, or this could be the end of their party.

MADDEN: Look how sad Kamala is in the doghouse. All by herself, without a soul in the world.

BRADY: Hey is that Donald Trump approaching? This could get ugly.

MADDEN: I think it is, Tom. Let's switch over to the cameras on the scene and see if we can pick up some of the audio.

"Kamala?" Donald approached. "I've signed us up for a September 4th debate on Fox. Are you in?"

"I'm busy, Donald. Can't you see? I've booked it on ABC on September 10 where they'll give me softball questions about keeping the country safe from September 11."

"How about we debate right here, right now," Donald challenged her.

She launched into him viciously. "I work really hard and make up great plans, but nobody listens, no one understands. Seems like no one takes me seriously. Do you, Donald? Are you more interested in Marla Maples, or Melania, or Me?"

"I know about Willie Brown and the puppies, Kamala." She winced. "It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, babe. And I've always been interested in your... southern border."

Suddenly disarmed, Kamala looked at him with puppy eyes.

"Who's your daddy?" challenged Trump.

"Donald J. is my daddy", she said emphatically. "My daddy Donald J. Harris is a Marxist economist".

"There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you," Trump threatened. "You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your apprenticeship. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and make America great again". He held out his hand to her.

"I'll never join you!" shrieked Kamala.

"If you only know the power of supply-side economics," Trump shrugged. "Biden never told you what happened to your daddy."

"He told me enough! He told me you killed off his leftist economic policies and protectionism," Kamala wailed.

"No. I AM YOUR DADDY."

Kamala stared at him. "No. Noooo. That's not true! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true", Trump smiled at her. "Now let's make a deal."

Kamala thought about it. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized Trump was not a real fiscal conservative. She could co-opt his supply-side economic policies coupled with liberal money supply and parrot them just enough to get hundreds of millions of dollars in political donations from corrupt companies and foreign governments.

"You know, Donald," she said, "I've always been against those foreign vermin at the border. I've been keeping up appearances to keep the boat from rocking. What if instead, you and me go steady? Let's exterminate these vermin together."

She took Donald's offered hand, and they walked out of the doghouse together.

Usha Vance watched the TV screen in horror, while the guys just shrugged. "See", they looked at her, "we told ya."