my ex-boyfriend was unimpressed
and begged me not to get undressed
Lord Santa, grant my one request
to get this manhair off my chest

i loathe it when im at da club
nobody wants to rub my stub
when i wiggle in da hot tub
won't somebody take a chub?

my pornstar rating is in flux
i'd trade it for a million bucks
cuz life as a gorilla sux
if only I could get some f***s

so Santa on this Women's Day
plz make me smooth w. looks that slay
i'll dance a sexy jig and say,
"Did you think that i was gay?"

i worry that i won't impress
ill be honest and confess
each time i dream of your caress
it messes up my satin dress

now if u r a heavy petter
you may stroke my sultry sweater
bring your whip and cashmere fetter
and youll find, "Now I feel better."