People, I'm not kidding. This is gnarly stuff. Turn back now. If you are one of the few, the brave, and the perverted, and especially if you're a Swifty, carry on...

>>

Samson the Silverback Gorilla burst into Taylor Swift's dressing room. She was between outfit changes on her set and wearing nothing but a sparkly thong.

"Who are you? How did you get past my security?" She glared at him, striking a pose with one hip forward.

"Hey girl. Ever thought about marrying a gorilla?" Samson whipped out his best pair of aviators and put them on.

Taylor continued to look at him skeptically, until suddenly she caught a whiff of powerful gorilla pheromones. It was too much for her to resist, and she moaned.

Samson walked over and flipped her up in the air, holding her with his mighty gorilla biceps as they made out.

"This is wrong, but it feels so right," Taylor said. "You're so big and strong. Can you throw me up in the air?"

Samson uplifted her. A bit too much, and she whacked her head on the ceiling, smashing through the sheetrock into the next story of the building.

"That was too uplifting of a story for me," laughed Taylor, who was somehow uninjured. "Wanna get down?"

Samson raised an eyebrow. "No sex before marriage, Taylor. But I came prepared." He whipped a plastic figurine collectible of Jarjar Mohammed Lucas out of his pocket. "Jarjar can preside over our wedding right now. Will you marry me, Taylor?"

"Yes, a thousand times yes!" shrieked Taylor, completely overwhelmed with Samson's gorilla pheremones and totally forgetting that she had an abandoned audience waiting for her on the other side of her dressing room, who were wondering what the hell was happening.

Samson placed the JarJar Mohammed Lucas figure facing them on a table. He and Taylor held hands and looked deeply into each other's eyes. "OK we're married!" he announced.

"That's it?" Taylor asked, surprised.

"Yup, gorillas don't actually require any dialog. Just an officiant." He threw her on the bed and whipped off her panties. And then,

he f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her

until Samson was getting a bit dehydrated, so they took a quick water break so he wouldn't get a limp dick. And then,

he f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her


"Can we slow down a little? I need a little more foreplay," she complained.

"We need to get the word count up for the contest," said Samson.

"What contest?" questioned Taylor.

"Don't worry about it wifey," Samson winked. That was enough to get Taylor hot and bothered. So then,

he f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her
and *ucked her
and f*cked her
and fu*ked her
and fuc*ed her
and fuck*d her
and fucke* her


"This isn't working," shouted a frustrated Taylor. "Your way to big for me. You're d*ck isn't made for a white woman. Let me give you a happy ending." She smoothly dismounted from Samson, rotating around like a stripper into a sixty-nine. Then she grabbed his gorillahood and went to town. She was wearing spicy lipstick and Samson liked it.

"Don't stop!" Samson grunted.

Taylor started singing a song to help him along.

"DO stop! Please not that!" Samson was in agony.

Taylor would not stop. So Samson covered his ears. That was all it took. He came epically and blew gorilla glue all over Taylor's boobs, her hair, and himself. It was epically gnarley.

"I feel so good!" shouted Samson.

"Me too babe!" Taylor lied.

The Happy Ending was complete...

Suddenly the door swung open. It was Travis Kelsey.

"Bro, WTF are you doing in here?" Samson asked, looking up at him, covered in fluids.

"I love you Taylor!" gushed Travis (at Taylor, not at Samson). "I will never leave you no matter how many bros you fuck and how many songs you write about them, even if they have gorilla dicks. But you do have to choose between me and the gorilla. Please, plz tell me you'll show up at my games and cheer for me."

"Can't you see I'm busy right now?" Taylor shouted, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically, and spattering fluids across the bedroom.

Samson looked up from the pillow. "Honestly bro, you can have her. I'm tired of the shitty songs she keeps making up while we're lovemaking and it's hurting my ears. Not even sure how she blew me just now."

"YOUR LEAVING ME??" Taylor shrieked.

"Yeah babe. Have fun," Samson shrugged, pitching Taylor off his chest and pulling himelf out of the bed.

Travis grinned deviously and sauntered over to Taylor. "Now where did we leave off?" he winked at her.


***

The rest of this writing entry is censored by Disney, and has been deemed inappropriate for children. Taylor and Travis lived happily ever after, although it was slightly less happy than the happy ending from earlier on. Taylor could never fully get Samson the Gorilla out of her mind after what had gone down, and neither could Travis. A few months later, Travis came down with AIDS, but he took lots of expensive meds and was able to keep playing foozball. And their kids looked weird.