| Mature Fiction posted December 13, 2021 |
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Family Fiction Story contest entry
The Christmas Surprise
by DragonSkulls
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
The author has placed a warning on this post for sexual content.
"Fuck you," I said to my wife. Not just a short, quick
fuck you, but the long, drawn out version where the
'u' holds like this, fuuuck you. I said that to her when
she bitched about me following contest rules. She
should know by now that I simply don't give a fat crap
but blah, blah, blah, blah, her mouth kept a flappin'.
Yeah, the contest I joined had ridiculous rule requirements,
no this, no that, no nothing except what the person who
created it molded their own entry around. I was growing
tired of that. I placed in a few contests along the way so
flushing another five dollars down the toilet just to piss
someone off was well worth it.
That's when my long lost son, who I thought died in
Desert Storm, came walking through the front door.
"Merry Christmas," he yelled, while tossing the gifts
he had on the table.
"You're alive!" My wife sprang from her chair to embrace
him. "It's a Christmas miracle."
"What happened, Son," I asked. "We all thought-"
He stopped me there to explain. "Here's what went down,
Dad. One day, sitting in the desert heat, I got the letter.
It was from Jan. It turns out she couldn't wait any longer.
It was a Dear John letter. She dumped me. I was devastated.
I went on a rampage and started brutally murdering everyone
around me. Sergeant Barns was closest to me. I slit his belly
wide open with my bayonet. His bloody innards spattered
everywhere. Then I picked up and lassoed his intestines
onto a passing jeep antenna. I leapt on his torso after the yank
and surfboard rode him through the sand, shooting every
single person we passed. The only thought going through my
mind was how tight and sweet Jan's asshole was. I couldn't lose
that. The anal sex with her was remarkable. Plus, the blowjobs,
she could suck a dick like no one's business, Dad."
"I'm sure she could, Son, I'm sure she could."
"After all the murdering, I severed the jeep driver's head with a
P-38 can opener, threw his carcass to the buzzards and drove
off into the desert. A day later, the jeep ran out of gas and I
had to abandon it. I walked through the harsh sands for what
seemed an eternity, waterless, yet I kept going. Then the
blazing sun finally won. I fell amid the dunes and gave up hope.
I was sure death was close at hand. I closed my eyes and waited,
still dreaming of Jan's moist lips around my throbbing member.
Then everything went black."
"Then what happened, William?" A look of horror was in my wife's
eyes.
"I awoke under a palm tree among a family of camels. They
nursed me back to health, took me in and tended to my needs.
It turns out that I was in a sand induced coma for nearly thirteen
years. I lived on fed camel tit milk the whole time."
"How did you ever make it home, Son?" I asked.
"The youngest female of the camels, Mrruuuhh, took me back to
the base where everyone totally forgot about the whole murdering
ordeal. I became a helicopter mechanic and stole a UH60 A/L Blackhawk
and headed home. I parachuted out and let it crash in the Walmart
parking lot because I still didn't know how to land it. I ran inside,
picked out all these presents and because I heard on the news you
don't have to pay for anything if the total comes up to less than a
thousand dollars anymore, I ran out the door. I robbed some woman
who kept yelling something about a mask, took her car and came
home."
We all hugged and wept. "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad."
"Fuck you," I said to my wife. Not just a short, quick
fuck you, but the long, drawn out version where the
'u' holds like this, fuuuck you. I said that to her when
she bitched about me following contest rules. She
should know by now that I simply don't give a fat crap
but blah, blah, blah, blah, her mouth kept a flappin'.
Yeah, the contest I joined had ridiculous rule requirements,
no this, no that, no nothing except what the person who
created it molded their own entry around. I was growing
tired of that. I placed in a few contests along the way so
flushing another five dollars down the toilet just to piss
someone off was well worth it.
That's when my long lost son, who I thought died in
Desert Storm, came walking through the front door.
"Merry Christmas," he yelled, while tossing the gifts
he had on the table.
"You're alive!" My wife sprang from her chair to embrace
him. "It's a Christmas miracle."
"What happened, Son," I asked. "We all thought-"
He stopped me there to explain. "Here's what went down,
Dad. One day, sitting in the desert heat, I got the letter.
It was from Jan. It turns out she couldn't wait any longer.
It was a Dear John letter. She dumped me. I was devastated.
I went on a rampage and started brutally murdering everyone
around me. Sergeant Barns was closest to me. I slit his belly
wide open with my bayonet. His bloody innards spattered
everywhere. Then I picked up and lassoed his intestines
onto a passing jeep antenna. I leapt on his torso after the yank
and surfboard rode him through the sand, shooting every
single person we passed. The only thought going through my
mind was how tight and sweet Jan's asshole was. I couldn't lose
that. The anal sex with her was remarkable. Plus, the blowjobs,
she could suck a dick like no one's business, Dad."
"I'm sure she could, Son, I'm sure she could."
"After all the murdering, I severed the jeep driver's head with a
P-38 can opener, threw his carcass to the buzzards and drove
off into the desert. A day later, the jeep ran out of gas and I
had to abandon it. I walked through the harsh sands for what
seemed an eternity, waterless, yet I kept going. Then the
blazing sun finally won. I fell amid the dunes and gave up hope.
I was sure death was close at hand. I closed my eyes and waited,
still dreaming of Jan's moist lips around my throbbing member.
Then everything went black."
"Then what happened, William?" A look of horror was in my wife's
eyes.
"I awoke under a palm tree among a family of camels. They
nursed me back to health, took me in and tended to my needs.
It turns out that I was in a sand induced coma for nearly thirteen
years. I lived on fed camel tit milk the whole time."
"How did you ever make it home, Son?" I asked.
"The youngest female of the camels, Mrruuuhh, took me back to
the base where everyone totally forgot about the whole murdering
ordeal. I became a helicopter mechanic and stole a UH60 A/L Blackhawk
and headed home. I parachuted out and let it crash in the Walmart
parking lot because I still didn't know how to land it. I ran inside,
picked out all these presents and because I heard on the news you
don't have to pay for anything if the total comes up to less than a
thousand dollars anymore, I ran out the door. I robbed some woman
who kept yelling something about a mask, took her car and came
home."
We all hugged and wept. "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad."
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