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"Shortbread and Champagne"


Chapter 1
Shortbread and Champagne

By gansach

 

Solitary in the crowd,

drifting with uncertain purpose

amongst congregations of chattering, purposeful poets,

I pass with anticipation that ebbs and flows

as moon-washed tide~

searching for a face in common,

another lost soul who will shine with delight at my approach,

gather me in as a scattered chick

beneath the mother hen’s consoling wing,

spatter me with chat. 

Painfully hoping~

yet not daring to think so~

should all lucky omens be jinxed;

desiring a reason to splurge compressed cash upon

baby bottles of champagne,

plaid packets of precious shortbread.

Please let me have a reason to break them out~

celebrate my face becoming familiar,

my words becoming wonders,

my desert island becoming Grand Central Station

with well-wishers, admirers.

The hush in a darkened ballroom

where nervous fingers clasp,

crossing in fervent prayer.

Don’t show how much I want it or

they will see disappointment all the more;

cramped facial muscles continue to smile

as each name called into the excited atmosphere

is not upon my place card.

Graciously glissading from the room,

stoic, stalwart,

pulling hand over hand the invisible lifeline,

the umbilical to the safety of the

foreign, yet familiar, hotel room where,

alone and able to melt into the puddle of myself,

I crack open the shortbread and champagne

and pretend I’ve won.


 

Author Notes This poem was written after my first solo trip to the International Poets Society Invitational Convention and Symposium in Washington, D.C. which, besides meetings, writing sessions, activities, and speakers, the participants also entered a poem for the competition. Poets, which numbered around 1500, were divided into reading rooms of about 20-30 participants where they read their poems and everyone voted for the best one. The winners from each room competed again in succeeding rounds until there were 10 finalists. These 10 names were announced at the Poets Dinner held in the ballroom, each winning $100 and a book contract. The finalists then presented their poems before the entire convention (about 3000 people) and 10 writer/editor judges where the winner received $5000. I was very nervous and unsure of myself at my first convention, my first trip alone. My co-workers had chipped in to pay for my plane ticket and a nice evening dress to wear at the dinner and I so wanted to be successful so their faith in me was justified. I didn't win that year or make it into the top 10, but it was a wonderful learning experience and I did attend further conventions, making friends of several fellow-poets.


Chapter 2
Moments at the Microwave

By gansach

Lone moments at the microwave

spent mourning minutes lost;

those ticking seconds vanishing

away at what a cost?

I ponder precious time I know

which could be better spent

for, on most days, I’m wondering

exactly where time went.

 
 

There never seems to be enough

to do what I must do

and look to see where, curious,

I might have saved a few.

Discovering time wasted as

my food cooks inside out;

those moments at the microwave

are what my life’s about.

 

 

Philosophizing as my meal

is nuked from stem to stern;

each time the same thought comes to me,

you’d think that I would learn

to walk away and find something

providing much more fun

instead of staring at my meal

until the bell rings done.

 
 

If I could calculate the time

I spend in such pursuit,

a fraction of my life is gone~

but then this point is moot

for, next time hunger rears its head,

habit will not waver

because the microwave is life’s

modern day timesaver.

 

Author Notes During one of those periods when my daughter had moved out and I seldom felt like cooking a meal after a long day at work, I bought easy microwave meals for dinner. One time, while standing there watching my food twirl, I wondered how much time I wasted waiting there for the bell to ring and how ironic that the microwave was supposed to save time.


Chapter 3
Downtime

By gansach

At the end of the harrowing day where life has collided with the world

for eight energy~sucking,

                   strength~sapping,

                              enthusiasm~draining hours,

the craving need to crawl homeward, to seek shelter, is paramount.

 

To ratchet my quivering remains up the Everest stair and

catapult myself into the safety net of home usurps

                             my remaining reserves of nerves.

 

A respite of heavy breathing to restore some semblance of humanity

is required before I can propel myself to the bathroom where,

     draping my diminished essence over the edge of the tub,

I clutch the hot water spigot and wrench it to the “on” position.

 

Clouds of refreshing steam engulf me as I peel myself

like a limp banana and slither into porcelain awash with waves

                            of fragrance~laced water,

there to uncrimp each sobbing muscle,

                   release each knotted nerve,

                            relax each traffic~jammed joint

until, with a sigh of pure unadulterated pleasure, I sink slowly

                                into an oblivion of bubbles,

                                        senses a~tingle with new life.

 

When the numbness has subsided and I am human once more,

I pull the plug and let the sloughed snakeskin of living

                                       swirl

                                         down

                                            the

                                              drain.


 

Author Notes There is nothing like a fragrant, bubbly soak in the tub after a long. hard day of earning a living.


Chapter 4
The Trick

By gansach

 
 

The trick is to look as if

no company you seek,

that you’d look with disdain upon

anyone who chose to speak

and interrupt your solitary meal.

 

The shield is the book you bring

to read with avid lust,

displaying a thirst for knowledge

not interrupted for just

a conversation you would shun with zeal.

 

The steps are the ones you take

to provide protection

from sympathetic knowing eyes

to escape their detection

of truth beneath the cover that you throw.

 

The truth of the matter is

you would give anything

to have someone sit down and to

your sweet isolation bring

a ray of hope, if only they could know.


 

Author Notes Sometimes we wish for someone to see through the protections we gather around ourselves and breech the walls we've built, hoping to find a connection.


Chapter 5
Talking to Myself

By gansach

It starts with a little mutter,
 
an expletive undeleted,
 
an under-the-breath comment.
 
Words begin to rattle around my mouth like pinballs caroming,
 
seeking the exit through clenched teeth.
 
Snowballing, they pour forth like pearls on a string,
 
popping free to scatter on the wind.
 
Random remarks rollerball into grand soliloquies;
 
catchphrases charge into clattering commentaries;
 
conversations in which I provide both sides
 
evolve into editorials.
 
Words, non-stop,
 
willy-nilly,
 
helter-skelter,
 
coalesce into a floodtide of
 
oscillating opinion,
 
rampant rhetoric,
 
spittle-flecked speechifying
 
spurting forth to wash through the silence of my surroundings
 
and subside to find me standing, ankle-deep,
 
in awe and echoes . . . 
 
talking to myself.
 

Author Notes I've made many a great speech, rant, diatribe, oration--when no one's there to hear me.
image by MSDesigns


Chapter 6
The Time We Could Have Had

By gansach

 
If one of us had given in
              and spoken when we could,
If one of us had backed off from
              the stand on which we stood;
If one of us had compromised,
              had just a bit unbent,
Think of the time we could have had~
             time that is now misspent.
 
If one of us had just reached out
              to touch the other's heart,
If one of us kept promises
              we each made at the start;
If one of us had thought our love
              more precious than our way,
Think of the time we could have had~
             time that is gone today.
 
Now each of us lives on our own,
             a solitary soul,
And each of us pulls close our pride
            as shelter from the cold
So each of us can say we've won,
           yet feel that we are lost;
Think of the time we could have had~
           time sacrificed at cost. 

Author Notes Letting pride get in the way of true feelings can be a great loss. Caring and compromising are not signs of weakness but priorities in a relationship.

Image by MSDesigns


Chapter 7
Guilty Pleasures

By gansach

 
Anticipating the weekend
when I have an empty house,
no pressing chores, no appointments,
no children are there or spouse.
 
A trip to my library for
the latest bestseller book,
a cozy quilt and a footstool,
all is ready in my nook.
 
A quart of chocolate ice cream
in the freezer stowed away,
three flavors of coffee creamers,
a pot of brew perks all day.
 
A raggy pair of old sweatpants,
a shirt two sizes too big,
bare feet in fuzzy pink slippers,
the freedom to be a pig.
 
Some old movies to jerk the tears,
bingeing shows for hours galore,
shades all pulled to the windowsill,
the lock tight upon the door.
 
Answering message on the 'phone
so nobody will disturb;
if you try to interrupt me,
I will kick you to the curb!
 
Tortellini with Alfredo,
a bottle of Bailey's Cream,
a stack of classical CDs;
for this, all week, did I dream.
 
No make-up, no bra, no worries,
my hair pulled up in a twist;
seduced by my guilty pleasures,
life can't get better than this!
 
 

Author Notes Oh, those lovely weekends when you can just let go, relax, be your sloppy self, enjoy the things that make you happy with no one to judge, frown on, or bother you~ahhhh, heaven!

Image by MSDesigns


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