FanStory.com
"Scenes at a Third Party"


Chapter 1
Scene at a Third Party 1

By Bill Schott

 
I'm posting this again to get this re-started. The second posting will follow directly.
 
 
The scene opens on a crowd gathered outside an abandoned mall. Pons and Ned are together in the middle.
 
Pons: I guess the third-party candidates are arriving here to debate, Ned.
 
Ned: They gonna decide which one a them's gonna be predsident?
 
Pons: I guess we'll decide which one has a chance to be selected to be a third-party candidate for President.
 
Ned: Huh?
 
Pons: Well, Ned, you know there are two main parties now.
 
Ned: Yeh, there's the Pajamer Party and the Donner Party.
 
Pons: No, Ned. There is the Democratic Party and the Republican Party.
 
Ned: Yeh, I guess we's all too old fer pajamer parties.
 
Pons: Aren't those for girls, Ned?
 
Ned: I can't actual say, Pons. I got avited ta one once, when I was a tad, but no one else showed up at the cemetery.
 
Pons: Ah, right. Too bad.
 
Ned: I figured that Donner party was the one that nobody invited Rudolf the Reindeer to.
 
Pons: It was a group that got stranded in the snow and ended up eating people. 
 
Ned: Well then, that's a git-tagetter Rudolf was lucky ta not git avited to. Them deers is nutso.
 
A limosine pulls up and two women exit. They both walk past the crowd and over near Pons and Ned. 
 
First Woman:  Greetings, Citizens. I am Loralie DeSilva. You may call me Lor'De.
 
Second Woman: Salam Aleikum, my friends. My name is Zora Abebe.
 
The two women produce portible microphones and begin debating without further ado. 
 
Lor'de: I would like to be elected as your next president to show you how well I can rule this land. I will be the impartial judge and jury for all matters foreign and domestic. There will be no need for a constantly deadlocked congress, filled with money-grubbing derelicts marking time until they can retire and sell their classified information to the highest bidders. There will be no need for a supreme court filled with thieves and morally corrupt people hiding behind robes for a lifetime appointment. I can do all of that on my own.
 
CROWD:  YAY!!! LORDEE!!  LORDEE!!  LORDEE!!
 
Zora: I would like to be elected as your first female black president to show you how well I can run this former slave-holder nation. I will appoint men and women to posts who will ensure reparations are paid, people not-of-color are given the short shrift they have used on minorities, and all women are freed of the bondage of being associated with beer-bellied rednecks, never-missed-a-meal primadonnas, and other elitist white infidels who have not seded authority to their superiors.   
 
Ned: Yay!!
 
Pons: Uh -- Ned. I think perhaps these women are a bit too extreme for consideration as presidential nominees.
 
Ned: Well, sure, Pons. At least they ain't lyin' about it.  Ain't tellin' the truth what's missin' nows'days?
 
Pons: I never realized you were so political, Ned.
 
Ned: I ain't got polio, Pons, though I kin say my hammies a bin hurtin' lately.
 
Lor'de: Wait! Aren't you Ned Nuckledd?
 
Ned: Yes, Ma'am. 
 
Lor'de: You may call me Lor'de, Ned. Perhaps you could be my running mate.
 
Ned: Well, that there sounds okay ta me.
 
Zora: Wait! Aren't you Pons Maninoff?
 
Pons: Yes, Ma'am.
 
Zora: Is there any chance you have any African American blood in you?
 
Pons: I had transfusions of blood in the hospital a few years ago in Detroit, Michigan.
 
Zora:  Close enough. Perhaps you could be my running mate.
 
Pons: You know, I think not. I do have a clone who might fill the bill though.
 
Zora: You have a clone?
 
Pons: Oh sure; they're all the rage. His name is Oscar Kilo. We call him Skar.
 
Zora:  Close enough. Perhaps he could be my running mate.
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes No political motivations here. Just exploring the comedy value.


Chapter 2
Scene at a Third Party 2

By Bill Schott

Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential candidate
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential nominee
GED  = Ned's clone
D-Red = Angel of Death for Insects and Pests
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = Third Party Poet Laureate 
Betty = campaign manager
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
C2
C3
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Ned was approached by third-party presidential candidate Loralie DeSilva (LorDee) to be her running mate.  Pons had offered up his clone, Oscar Kilo (Skar), to DeSilva's main opponent, Zora Abebe, for the third-party nomination.
 
This scene focuses on the former's first meeting at her campaign center. People are grouped on both extremes while the speaking characters are at center.
 
The scene opens in a campaign room filled with people. A large banner reads:
 
LORALIE DeSILVA for PRESIDENT.
(The last President you will ever need.) 
 
GED: (Looking at the banner and speaking to Ned)  That sign might better read "The last President you will ever want."
 
Ned : I could take one a them there magical markers and cross out NEED and aplace it wit - uh - that utter word. 
 
GED : WANT, Ned.  
 
Ned : Oh yeah, like "Want that be a purdy picture when it's done."
 
GED : (grinning) Indubitably, Ned. 
 
Ned wanders off.
 
Betty: (stepping up to GED) Hello, Ned. I'm Betty, the campaign manager.
 
GED  : Salutations, Betty; or should I call you Elizabeth?
 
Betty: Betty, Ned. I was named after the famous international harvester and food provider Betty Crocker. 
 
GED  : (studying Betty for a second or two)  Of course! Excuse my ignorance. My Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben send their regards. 
 
Betty: They are the salt of the earth.
 
GED  : (chuckling) Let us not forget the Jolly Green Giant.
 
Betty: Are you teasing me, Ned?
 
GED  : Not at all, Miss Crocker. Oh, by the way, I am not Ned. I am General Equivalency Dude, or
GED; I am Ned Nuckledd's clone.
 
Betty: I thought I detected an accent. Well, GED, my last name isn't Crocker. I was simply named after her. My last name is --
 
GED:  Grable?  Rubble? Boop?
 
LorDee:  (calling from behind GED)  Biggins!
 
Betty: Yes, your majesty!
 
LorDee: (looking about) Not here, Betty.
 
GED:  Hi, Your Majesty. My name is --
 
LorDee: Ned? Why are you introducing yourself to me. 
 
Betty: This is Ned's clone, LorDee. He's a general.
 
LorDee: Really? You seem young for a general.
 
GED:  (grinning) I was deep-selected from the Storm Trooper ranks.
 
Across to stage left Ned meets a young woman with a magic marker.
 
Ned: Scuse me, Missy. Could I burra that there magical marker fer a coupla secs?
 
AA:  Did you just ask me for sex?
 
Ned : (looking around wide-eyed) I dun think ah did, Mi -- Ma'am. 
 
AA:  Oh you rascal. 
 
Ned : I was jis --
 
AA:  You are my muse! My Clio! History!  Poetry!
 
Ned adopts a blank expression with open mouth. 
 
AA:  I am inspired already.  
 
There is a house in Old Newleans
it's named One Size Fits All
they make mumus and togas too
next to an old strip mall.
 
AA:  You are a wonder, Ned.
 
 
 
Ned backs away then notices D-Red standing next to LorDee. He moves to the center of the scene where they are.
 
C1: (jumping in front of Ned, blocking his way) Greetin's and saladations, Nedster!
 
Ned: What? I was --
 
C2: (from behind Ned) We're here to be shear that you're clear on the gear to weer, dear.
 
Ned: Gear?
 
C3: (popping up from behind a table)  We need you to stay away from LorDee. 
 
Ned: Huh?
 
C1:  He's thick as a brick, boys.
 
Ned: I'm slow ta gittin' angry, fellers, but yall are -- 
 
C2:  He's slow, guys. 
 
Ned: (Ned sees D-Red next to GED) We're gonna hafta pick this up later, fellers.
 
C3: Remenber what I said, Ned.
 
Ned ignores C3 and moves toward GED.
 
Ned : Hey, Dude! 
 
GED  : Hey indeed, Anecedant. Join the Red Death and me as we comisserate our lots in life and the afterlife.
 
Ned : What!? I dint know ya could see Red.
 
D-Red: That's D-Red to you two.
 
GED  : Let us call you Dirt Bag for a while; I believe we can all remember that.
 
Ned : I thought you only collected beetles and such, D-Red?
 
D-Red:  The organizers Bug-Bombed the joint yesterday. There's a semi load of fleas and bees and Pekinese under this floor.
 
Ned : Peek-n-what?
 
D-Red: Joke, Ned.
 
GED  : Don't let Ned nor me nor heat nor gloom of night stay you from the swift completion of your appointed rounds, Dirt Bag.
 
D-Red walks out of the scene. LorDee steps up.
 
GED  : Perhaps we could talk strategy now, Madam President.
 
LorDee:  Let's.
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 3
Scene at a Third Party 3

By Bill Schott

Characters
Pons Maninoff = Vice Presidential candidate
Zora Abebe = Presidential nominee
Skar  = Pons' clone
DED = Angel of Death 
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Dirty Tricks Coordinator
MauMau= campaign manager
C4 (Campaign Aide 4)
C5
C6
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Pons had offered up his clone, Oscar Kilo (Skar), to Zora Abebe for the third party nomination. 
 
This scene focuses on the first meeting at her campaign center. People are grouped on both sides while the speaking characters are at center.
 
The scene opens in a campaign room filled with people. A large banner reads:
 
 
ZORA ABEBE for PRESIDENT.
(The Revolution will be of Color.) 
 
Skar  : (Looking at the banner and speaking to Pons)  The revolution will be of color? What's that supposed to mean?
 
Pons : I was just on Google this week and according to the U,S, Census Bureau, the United States is projected to become a 'minority white' country by 2045.  By then, Whites are expected to be less than 50% of the population. Hispanics 25 %, Blacks 13%, Asians 8%, and multiracial groups 4%.
 
Skar  : What about clones?
 
Pons : Clones would show up across the board, I guess.
 
Skar  : We have to work harder on that multiracial number. I'm willing to put in the work. I might go introduce myself to some likely -- candidates.
 
Skar wanders off.
 
MauMau: (stepping up to Pons) Hello, Skar. I am MauMau. I am the law here.  You will do what I say and I will put Zora in the Big House and you in the rose garden shed.
 
Pons : Well, hiya. uh -- Mouse was it?
 
MauMau: I am MauMau. I am the law here.
 
Pons : (studying MauMau for a second or two)  Well, Mama, my name is Pons. Skar is walking about looking to raise percentage points.
 
MauMau: You are the clone. Not a real person.
 
Pons : (chuckling) Actually, Maui, clones are real people too.
 
MauMau: No, a clone only counts as a half a person, if that.
 
Pons : Wow! You are a real piece of work, Meemee.
 
MauMau: I expect Zora will heed my advice and squeeze you out.
 
Pons :  Kinda like a turd, huh. Oh, by the way, Skar is the clone. He really enjoys talking with enlightened folks like you. I'll tell him what you said; he'll want a word, I'm sure.
 
Zora :  (calling from behind Pons)  Skar!
 
Pons : Hi, Zora. I'm Pons.
 
Zora : (giggling) You two are so much alike; how do I tell you apart?
 
Pons :  I laugh at jokes; Skar retells them with his perceived improvements.
 
Zora : What did MauMau have to say to you?
 
Pons : Who's that?
 
Across the room, Skar meets up with Abracada Brah.
 
AB  : Hey, hey, hey! You must be that clone, Scary, I'm Abracada Brah.
 
Skar  :  (looking to see if he was kidding) Oscar Kilo. Skar for short.
 
AB  : Cool, cool, cool! Let me tell you about my plan to destroy the LorDee campaign.
 
Skar  :  Destroy? That seems a bit hyperbolic, Abby.
 
AB  : You can call me Brah, bruh.
 
Skar  :  What do you have in mind?
 
AB  : First we start the rumor that Lordee is having Ned's baby.
 
Skar  :  That seems a bit mild, bruh.
 
AB  :  Really?
 
Skar  :  Yeah. I think we say that LorDee has appropriated another culture.
 
AB  : How so?
 
Skar  :  I saw gold lam'e and avocado clothes in her closet.
 
AB  : What a poser!
 
Skar  :  She has removable gold tooth veneers and a weave wig in her bathroom.
 
AB  : What a cracker!
 
Skar leaves Abracada Brah sputtering to himself, then notices Pons and Zora standing next to the exit. He moves across the length of the stage to where they are.
 
C4: (jumping in front of Skar, blocking his way)  Booyah!
 
Skar jabs the stranger in the solarplexius, who then drops to the floor.
 
C5: (from behind Skar) Hey! That's my --
 
Skar spins around and rams his elbow into the starnger's jaw, who then collapses.
 
C6: (placing his arms akimbo and smiling)  Well Hi! So happy to meet you!
 
Skar ignores C6 and moves toward Pons.
 
Pons : Hi, Skar! 
 
Skar : Hey dude.
 
Pons : I see you were making friends over there.
 
Skar  : I'm a people person.
 
Pons : I imagine those campaign workers will want to talk again.
 
Skar  : Hope so.
 
The scene goes dark except for the center where Zora now stands with DED.
 
DED : You are looking well, Zora.
 
Zora : Is this an official visit, or can you stay for a while?
 
DED : I'm in no hurry. I will be leaving eventually with one of your staff members and a gentleman crossing the street against the light just outside. 
 
Zora : Is it a paid staff member or a volunteer?
 
DED : Neither will be a volunteer.
 
Zora :  You have some wit for an Angel of Death.
 
DED : I do kill.
 
Zora begins laughing. It builds to a maniacal pitch. Then -- lights out.
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 4
Scene at a Third Party 4

By Bill Schott

Characters
 
Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED  = Ned's clone
Betty = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
C1 (LorDee Campaign Aide 1)
C2 (LorDee Campaign Aide 2)
C3 (LorDee Campaign Aide 3)
C4 (Zora Campaign Aide 4)
C5 (Zora Campaign Aide 5)
C6 (Zora Campaign Aide 6)
DED = Angel of Death 
D-Red=  Angel of Death for Insects and Pests
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Ned was approached by third-party presidential candidate Loralie DeSilva (LorDee) to be her running mate.  Pons had offered up his clone, Oscar Kilo (Skar), to DeSilva's main opponent, Zora Abebe, for the third-party nomination.
 
Zora Abebe is an African American woman running a campaign seemingly focused on people of color. Skar is her VP running mate.  Zora's campaign manager, MauMau, is Afro-centric and domineering. Abracada Brah is Zora's dirty tricks guru who is out to hobble the competition. Pons, Skar's andecedent, is here to be a buffer between his clone and others. Zora's campaign aides seem to be working for the other side.
 
LorDee is of Portgugese descent and seems to be considering combining the judicial, legislative, and executive branches of government into one. Ned is her VP running mate. GED is her to protect Ned from being exploited. LorDee's campaign manager, Betty Biggins, is cheerful and a bit touched. Abecedari Ann is LorDee's poet laureate.  LorDee's campaign aides seem to be working for the other side.
 
This scene opens in a defunked restaurant for a one-time meeting.  People are crammed in and seem to be slow-dancing as they try moving around. Speakers eventually move to center stage. 
 
 
Zora : (speaking to Ned)  I am so surprised we were able to get the opponents here.
 
Ned : Yep. Mauzer got'm ta agree on meetin' here at the Big Boy.
 
Zora : Why here, though. It is hardly in keeping with the high visibility we hope to achieve. 
 
Ned : Well, he did sorta leave the pickin' up ta me. I used ta eat here all the time wit my cousin and bestest buddy Pons.
 
Zora : Well, that is a bit of relief. I was fearful that MauMau had lost his mind. 
 
Ned : Golly, Miss Z. I know I ain't the sharp-test crayon in the butter churn, but I'm gettin' the fillin' yall ain't happy wit the Big Boy.
 
Zora : Not at all, Ned. Your meeting facility prowess and general intellect surpass my lowest expectations. 
 
MauMau: (sliding up from behind) This location has few positives with the exception of cost. Nuckledd got it for free for the weekend. After this meeting we will decorate the interior for the celebration of Kwanza. 
 
Zora : The price seems right. NOTHING comes to mind when I think of it.  Wait! Kwanza?!
 
GED appears from within the crowd.
 
GED  :   This is a get-together that is turning into a stick-together, literally. 
 
Ned : That sounds like one a them broken ice deals.
 
GED  :   Ice breaker, Ned?
 
Ned : Nah, I ain't much of a drinker, GED.
 
GED  :   Right. 
 
Abecedari Ann twists away from the crowd and approaches GED and Ned.
 
AA  :  Greeting Ned and - uh - Ned?
 
Ned : Howdy! Hey, GED. This here's Aberica Ann. She writes po'tree.
 
GED  :   Pleasure to make your acquaitance, uh -  America?
 
AA  :  It doesn't really matter. I am merely a conduit to bring the truth of poetry from within this clutch of humanity. 
 
Ned : If anyone CONDUIT, you kin, Annie.
 
GED  :   Ned! That was funny!
 
AA  :  Indeed, Ned. You are the man of the red earth who represents life, and love, and --
 
Ned : Gotta go pee. Scuse me, guys.
 
Ned disappears into the crowd. AA nears GED.
 
AA  :  So, you are Ned's twin?
 
GED  :   I am like a Ned two point oh.
 
AA  :  I feel a vibrant force emitting from you.
 
GED  :   I had cabbage for dinner yesterday.
 
AA  :  No, I mean you shine with inspiration.
 
GED  :   I try.
 
AA  :  (she freezes and speaks as if possessed)
 
There is a mouse in that mouse trap
his name was Lucky Lou,
but he ate the bait and met his fate
so now poor Lou is through.
 
GED  :  That is amazing, America. So, they have an open bar here I guess.
 
From stage left, Abracada Brah enters with C4, C5, and C6 (who are part of his dirty tricks team)
 
AB  :  So many horrible things to do, and so little.
 
C4: We need more time.
 
AB  :  Not at all, my minion of menace. Time wider than a steamroller width is a waste.
 
C5: We need more things to do to the people.
 
AB  :  Poppycock! My cup runneth over with foul deeds.
 
C6: We need more minions of menace
 
AB  :  Precisely. I have enlisted LorDee's campaign drones as well.
 
C1, C2, and C3 appear from the left.
 
AB  :  Splendid!  What are your questions before we begin?
 
C1: I hear there is an open bar. Is that true?
 
C2: Do you think the Big Boy statue looks like me?
 
C3: Can we start pantsing people now?
 
AB  :  Yes, yes, and YES!
 
The six minions of menace disappear into the crowd. Commotions begin within the glut of humanity.
 
LorDee, Skar, Pons, and Betty come in from stage right.
 
LorDee : (hearing the commotion and seeing the mass of people undulating) Now what!?
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google

Pants or pants'd (verb) = to pull someone's pants down to their ankles from behind. Sometimes taking their pants.


Chapter 5
Scene at a Third Party 5

By Bill Schott

 
 
Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
C1 (LorDee Campaign Aide 1)
C2 (LorDee Campaign Aide 2)
C3 (LorDee Campaign Aide 3)
C4 (Zora Campaign Aide 4)
C5 (Zora Campaign Aide 5)
C6 (Zora Campaign Aide 6)
DED = Angel of Death 
D-Red =  Angel of Death for Insects and Pests
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Zora Abebe and Loralie DeSilva have their respective campaign staff and affiliates meet at an abandoned Big Boy Restaurant. Everyone is jammed in tight and Abracada Brah, LorDee's dirty tricks director, has his henchmen pantsing people in the crowd. 
 
This scene opens in restaurant with people shouting and cursing from within. LorDee, Skar, Pons, and Betty come in from stage right.
 
LorDee : (hearing the commotion and seeing the mass of people undulating)  Now what!?
 
Skar  :  Looks like people are being caught with their pants down.
 
Pons :  Literally!
 
Betty: I hadn't planned on improvisational occurrences like this.
 
LorDee : I will need to speak to Zora immediately. Maybe we can salvage this free-for-all.
 
Skar  :  How about Pons and me go talk to MauMau about this?
 
Pons :  Sounds like a winner. 
 
Betty: I should come with you.
 
LorDee : No, Betty. I need you to come with me. 
 
Betty:  Yes, your majesty.
 
LorDee : (grins) Oh, Betty. You are a treasure. Let's go.
 
Pons :  (speaking to Skar) So, do you think MauMau is behind this?
 
Skar:  Actually, if I wasn't here with you, I'd think it was me. 
 
Pons :  Are we not upset?
 
Skar:  Well, sure -- officially. The guy we really need to see is that Brah dude. This has his fingerprints all over it.
 
Pons :  (pointing to the other side of the room) I see him over there. What are we going do? 
 
Skar:  He will need a beat down either now or in the near future.
 
Ned, Zora, and MauMau burst from the crowd. Both men are adjusting their trousars. Zora appears fresh and kempt.
 
Zora :  What type of lunacy has taken hold here, MauMau?!
 
MauMau : We have obviously been punked by LorDee's despicables.
 
Ned waves a fist and makes a mad face.
 
Zora :  But half of the people here are hers.
 
MauMau : Insanity knows no boundaries.
 
Ned makes a swirling finger motion at his temple, crosses his eyes and sticks out his tongue. 
 
Zora :  Do you really think she is crazy.
 
MauMau : She's running for President. Of course she is. We all are. 
 
Zora :  (smiling) I like being crazy, MauMau.
 
MauMau : Crazy is where it's at.
 
All three chuckle as over their heads, C1 bounds from within the crowd to the floor. He is followed by C4 in the same manner. The other four campaign staff members (C2,3,5,and 6) are pushed through the crowd perimeter by Pons and Skar. The six henchmen drop to their knees. 
 
LorDee and Betty join Zora and MauMau off center of this display.
 
Abracada Brah enters from the opposite side.
 
AB :  What is going on here?!
 
GED and Abecedari Ann appear from out of the crowd. She slaps AB's face as GED pants him. As he reacts and pulls up his pants, facing GED, AA kicks his rear. Turning to her, she slaps him as GED pants him again. This actions continue as the three move out of the scene.
 
LorDee: What on earth is happening?!
 
Skar:  These yahoos were causing the ruckas.
 
Pons :  Zora's dirty tricks czar jumped the shark and sent his crash-test dummies in to create havoc.
 
Zora :  Can someone interpret that for me?
 
MauMau : Sounds like Brah might have a separate agenda than we do. 
 
Zora :  Yes -- continue.
 
Ned:  I degree wit Pons, Miss Zora. Yer dirty car jumped the shark test gummies, cried havov and then let them slippery dogs a war crash inta a -- uh -- agender.
 
Zora looks at Ned for a moment, then turns to MauMau with eyes and mouth agape.   
 
MauMau : (speaking to LorDee) Can I borrow Betty for a bit?
 
LorDee : Betty? Work with MauMau, please.
 
Betty:  Yes, your mmm -- Yes! Of course!
 
As everyone disappears into the crowd, DED and D-red enter from each side and meet in the center.
 
DED : I will be on my way for now. One of those henchmen and a rather flat fellow on the cub outside will be going with me. 
 
D-Red : I still have a train-load of dead bugs to collect. 
 
DED : I understand they will be spraying for bugs again tonight in preparation for Kwanza. 
 
D-Red : Sure -- of course. When it rains it  -- Wait! What!? -- Kwanza?
 
 
To be continued...

 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 6
Scene at a Third Party 6

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Zora Abebe and Loralie DeSilva have their respective campaign staff and affiliates meet at an abandoned Big Boy Restaurant. Everyone is jammed in tight and Abracada Brah, LorDee's dirty tricks director, has his henchmen pantsing people in the crowd. The henchmen are caught and ejected and the meeting of the two hopefuls and their groups begins
 
The scene opens in the restaurant with people clustered around the third party candidates, Loralie DeSilva and Zora Abebe, and their respective running mates, Ned and Skar.  The other principals are in the crowd.
 
 
LorDee : (addressing the crowd) Well, we have certainly enjoyed an ice breaker for the ages. 
 
Ned :  You'd hafta go bowlin' wit a snoot fulla hard cider ta match it.
 
LorDee : No one wants that though. 
 
Ned :  I kin axshlee bowl purdy good win them bumpers is up. 
 
LorDee : Let me introduce the the other person seeking nomination, Zora Abebe.
 
Zora :  (steps in front of LorDee and addresses the crowd) Greetings men and women of color and all other associates. This is the beginning of the new world. THIS is a day when the balance of power in the world will begin to shift to those who can use it -- not abuse it.
 
MauMau: We must boldly step into the future and seize the reins of this runaway locomotive. 
 
GED: I think you may have mixed your metaphors there, MeeMee.
 
MauMau gives GED the stink eye.
 
MauMau: You are excused, clone boy.  Make like a tree and get on the bus, Gus. 
 
GED: Wow! Words are silly puddy up your patoot, MauRON!
 
MauMau and GED begin wrestling and take up the floor space while the candidates press on.
 
Ned :  Them fellers are usin' some a them there Gekko Groanin' holds.
 
Skar  :  It looks like GED is biting MauMau's nose.
 
Ned :  That's the gekko part.
 
Skar  :  I think MauMau kneed GED in the crotch.
 
Ned :  That'd be the groanin'.
 
LorDee : (shouting above the crowd) We will rise above this type of infighting and form a cohesive bond with which to proceed to victory.
 
Betty:  May I speak to you, Your Ma -- I mean --
 
LorDee : That's okay, dear. Your Majesty is fine.
 
Betty:  Thank you, Your Ma - I mean - no --right - I mean thank you YOUR MAJESTY!
 
LorDee : Keep it down, Betty.
 
Across the way, Pons, AA. and AB talk together.
 
Pons :  Okay you two. We have to help salvage this attempt at a third party coalition. 
 
AB  :  I'm sorry that those dummies got the wrong idea and caused all this delay and carnage.
 
AA  :  That type of honest reflection inspires me to create.
 
Pons :  Well that's fine, Brah.  I'm going to chose to believe you now.
 
AB  :  You are wise beyond your years, Panzy. 
 
Pons :  That's Pons.
 
AB  :  Oh, sorry, Panzy.
 
Abedaria Ann begins a poem while Pons and AB wrestle on the floor.
 
AA  :
We are poised within the noise of the boys,
 
as they contest without rest to be the best;
 
although the present struggle is within us,
 
the battle hardened kin will win in the fin --- us?
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 7
Scene at a Third Party 7

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Zora Abebe and Loralie DeSilva have their respective campaign staff and affiliates meet at an abandoned Big Boy Restaurant. After internal conflicts break out, the candidates for nomination decide to speak directly to the assembly 
 
The scene opens in the restaurant with the principals LorDee, Zora, Ned, and Skar at the center, and all others pressed around facing in from their respective sides.  
 
 
LorDee : (addressing the crowd) Faithful followers listen as I would like to be elected as your next president to show you and I --(aside to Betty quietly- But mostly me--)  -- can rule this land. We will be the impartial judges (judge) and jury (just me, really) for all matters foreign and DaSilvan. No Congress to stall on important issues for partisan benefit,  or a SUBreme Court filled with empty robes posturing for power. WE -- the people -- will do all of that on my own.
 
Left side Crowd:  YAY!!! LORDEE!!  LORDEE!!  LORDEE!!
 
Right side Crowd:  BOO!! RIDICULOUS!! 
 
Zora : (stepping in front of LorDee) I will be your first female black president to show the world how to run a nation. We will ensure reparations are paid, and people-of-color step around, instead of aside.  Women in general will be freed of the bondage of male elitism.  
 
Left side Crowd:  BOO!! RIDICULOUS!! 
 
Right side Crowd:  USHINDI!! VICTORY!!
 
Ned :  (to Skar) Folks is soundin' real positival about the candledate they're wantin'. 
 
Skar  : There is a division here that will have to surmount a millennia of suppression. 
 
Ned :  The Good Book says if ya got the faith of a custard seed you kin move surmountains.
 
Skar  : (pondering Ned for a moment) Well -- if that is what it says.
 
LorDee : (to Zora) Here's the deal. I will give you the Supreme Court and two free passes on Boardwalk if you drop out and let me lead this party to victory.
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) Are you blind and deaf? 
 
LorDee : (to Zora) I use reading glasses, but I can hear your chances swirling down the proverbial commode. 
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) That is the actual toilet flushing behind that wall.
 
MauMau: Oh, is that where the toilet is? (runs off into the crowd)
 
GED: (to Pons) This will be rich, Pons. I have just come from the facilities where I evacuated a bowel that was accompanied by a fleet of adoring stench. The restroom should probably be taped off. MauNow is presently entering that very chamber. 
 
Pons : That bad, huh?
 
GED: He may make it to the porcelain bowl, but his next stop will be the tile floor and the arms of Morpheus. 
 
Pons : Maybe I should warn him.
 
GED: By now he IS the warning.
 
LorDee : (to Zora) The Supreme Court and four justices of your choosing. 
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) That would only make five.  Why so few?
 
LorDee : (to Zora) After a day you will wonder, Why so many?
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) That's intriguing. But I really want to be called Madame President.
 
LorDee : (to Zora) I have a phone number for you. They will call you whatever you want. 
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) I feel like I'm caving in too soon.
 
LorDee : (to Zora) Too soon would have been before we had to endure this Big Boy fiasco. 
 
Zora :  (to LorDee) Fine! I'll concede the race for third party candidate to you.
 
LorDee : Great! Let's make it official.
 
Zora :  Fine.
 
LorDee : (to the crowd) People! Beautiful people! We have an announcement for you. 
 
Off to the side of the scene, Ned is talking to Betty and Abecedari Ann.
 
Ned :  Hey, ladies. My cousin Pons says I oughta find me a nice girl ta talk ta and maybe git ta know better. 
 
Betty:  Are you asking me out on a date, GED?
 
AA  : This is Ned, dear, not GED.
 
Ned :  I'm what GED calls his Auntie Seed'nt. He's a bit off on our durationship.
 
Betty:  Antecedent? He is your clone?
 
AA  : GED is Ned 2.0
 
Ned :  There wernt no Ned one point oh, so I guess that makes me jus zero. 
 
Betty:  Oh, Ned. You are so charming. I would be delighted to go on a date with you.
 
AA  : Ned, you have inspired a poem from me.
 
 
Ned, Ned, your name is Ned
Ned is your name, not Frankie or Fred.
GED, GED your clone is GED,
GED is your clone, not Spanky or - uh - Fred. 
Fred, Fred, your name's not Fred.
Fred's not your name, because it is Ned.
Ned, Ned, your name is Ned
Ned is your name, Neh-ed Nuck-a-ledd.
 
From the center of the scene.
 
LorDee : (to the crowd) People! Beautiful people! We have an announcement for you. Zora and I will represent you together within the government. Together we will bring our third party to the American people as THE alternative to runamuck liberalism and do-nothing conservatism. WE will give the people the path forward. WE, together, will shoot an arrow to the sun and bring the new light of day to the world. Today! People of the future! Raise your voices and shout -- WE ARE NEXT!
 
Across from left to right down stage, MauMau is pushed on a gurney to the opposite exit.
 
 
 
 
To be continued...

 

Author Notes Image from Google

ushindi = victory in Swahili

Poem is a parody of My World is Blue.


Chapter 8
Scene at a Third Party 8

By Bill Schott

 
Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Loralie DeSilva announced, at the Big Boy gathering, that she and Zora Abebe had come to a compromise. LorDee would run for President and Zora would become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.  MauMau succumbed to noxious gas in the bathroom, and Ned asked Betty Biggins out on a date.
 
The scene opens in the former restaurant, now being gutted and refurbished to be the campaign office. The principals LorDee, Zora, Ned, and Skar at the center, and all others will pass by eventually. Hammers and saws can be heard but not seen in the background.
 
LorDee : (to Zora) When will the renovations be done to our campaign headquarters?
 
Zora : I am NOT your step-n-fetch-it, LorDee. Check with your campaign manager. 
 
LorDee :  I would, but I have not been able to find her since she started up with Ned.
 
Zora : I was hoping that MauMau and Betty might become an item.
 
LorDee : That would have been a great match to establish our collaboration. 
 
Zora : Where is MauMau anyway?
 
LorDee : According tp GED,  MauMau needed a stench-ectomy.
 
Zora : Is that a thing? Will he make it?
 
LorDee : I felt he may have been yanking my chain.
 
Zora : Do NOT attempt to appropriate my culture!
 
LorDee :  You have got to be kidding!
 
Zora : Of course I am, Kahaba.
 
LorDee :  Kahaba? Does that mean Madame President?
 
Zora : Absolutely.
 
On the opposite side of the scene, Ned and Betty sit across from each other with a chess board between them.
 
Ned :  I always wondered how this game got playt. 
 
Betty: It is a lesson in strategy, Ned 
 
Ned :  Stratgee?
 
Betty: Strategy, Ned. Maneuvering. 
 
Ned :  Manure'n?
 
Betty: No, Ned. Maneuvering. 
 
Ned :  Do all these action figgers have names?
 
Betty: Yes, these two in the center are --
 
Ned :  Maw and Paw?
 
Betty: King and Queen.
 
Ned :  Then there's a rocket.
 
Betty: Bishop.
 
Ned :  Horsey?
 
Betty: Knight.
 
Ned :  Jack stand?
 
Betty: Rook.
 
Ned :  The ones in front er the chester kids.
 
Betty: Pawns.
 
Ned :  Pons? Thems all Ponses? Are the ones on the utter side Neds?
 
Betty: (looking at Ned for a few seconds)  Yes. Of course, Ned. All Neds.
 
 
 
To be continued...

Author Notes Kahaba = Bee-otch in Swahili (according to Goggle)

Image from Googlr


Chapter 9
Scene at a Third Party 9

By Bill Schott

 
Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Zora Abebe and Loralie DeSilva had combined their campaign and placed LorDee in place as the candidate. Zora will, when their party is elected, become the Supreme Court. 
 
MauMau, one of the campaign managers, was hospitalized briefly and has returned. Ned is seeing Betty Biggins, another campaign manager. 
 
The scene opens in the converted restaurant, now campaign headquarters with the principals LorDee, Zora, Ned, and Skar at the center, and all campaign staff milling around or on telephones.
 
LorDee : (to Betty) When can I expect to announce my entry into the Presidential Race?
 

Betty: We will need to form a Political Action Committee, or PAC, to grow support and then petition the Federal Elections Commission, or FEC, for recognition as a political party.  Then we will need to fulfill other requirements, which include operating in several states, getting volunteers signed up around the country, and a number of other party activities.

We have to be recognized in multiple states. For example, both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party are recognized in all 50 states and Washington, D.C. These two parties account for about one hundred of the two-hundred-some total state-level parties. Three minor parties are recognized in more than 10 states. In addition, some states distinguish between major parties and minor parties. We will be considered a minor party, so we cannot participate in primaries, just the general election.

LorDee : Tell me, is there something in that long and boring explanation that tells me when I can expect to announce my entry into the Presidential Race?
 
Betty: It will depend on whether I will be working alone, with MauMau, or if we are expecting more help. 
 
LorDee :  Must I make all of these low level decisions, Betty, or can you chip in a bit? 
 
Betty: No, I mean -- yes, Your Majesty.
 
LorDee : Very well then. Scurry off and do your job. Let me know when I am President.
 
Betty steps off as Zora appears with MauMau.  
 
Zora  : (sidling up to LorDee) So, is Betty busy getting us on the ballot?
 
LorDee : I'm not sure she is able to do it all by herself. Perhaps MauMau can help her fill the 'pack' and get it to the 'effing C'. 
 
Zora :  Certainly, although I think he may have sprained a few brain cells after his experience in the restroom.
 
LorDee : It's probably just as well, I think Betty needs to work with someone lower on the smart chart.
 
Zora :   Well, MauMau does not have an intimidating IQ, but in every other way he is quite scary.
 
Right on cue.
 
MauMau: On the clock, Miss Abebe. 
 
LorDee :  You will be working with Betty from now on, MauMau. 
 
Zora :   She will need your invaluable insight and expertise to get our campaign to a level that will squash the other parties' candidates.
 
MauMau: I will literally squash them.
 
LorDee : No, MauMau.  We will require them squashed figuratively.
 
MauMau: Disfigured?!
 
LorDee :  Well, it is probably better that Biggins and you work out your roles.
 
Zora :   See if you can break up that fledgling romance as well. We cannot have the next Vice President becoming a vice poster boy as well. 
 
LorDee :  That was so clever. 
 
Zora :   Right?  Who writes this stuff?
 
GED steps up as MauMau leaves.
 
GED: Hello. I trust that the two of you are now able to discern whether I am Ned or myself.
 
LorDee :  When you make it that easy.
 
Zora :   Why don't we run you as VP instead of Ned?
 
GED: Several reasons come to mind, but the top fifty are -- 
 
Pons : (interrupting) Has anyone seen Ned?
 
GED: How common! You just barge in! I was about to begin an oral dissertation. 
 
LorDee : Message received General Dude.(She steps away.)
 
Zora :  I will trade that information for the whereabouts of Oscar Kilo.
 
Pons :  He and Betty Biggins are researching PAC requirements.
 
GED: I imagine Ned is providing moral support.
 
Pons : What is that supposed to mean?
 
GED: To be brutally honest, I doubt that Ned can spell PAC. 
 
Pons : Any more crap from you about Ned will lead to tooth-losing time in Tennessee.
 
GED: We are not in Tennessee.
 
Pons : Your teeth will be.
 
Elsewhere.
 
Ned : (speaking to Betty) Acourse I kissed a gal. Her name weres Clameil Heshe.  She said she worked fer the circus.
 
Betty:  You are kidding, of course.
 
AA  : (listening in) I feel a poem coming on.
 
Ned :  She had come on inta town ta git some material ta stick tagetter a new dress.
 
Betty:  Why would you kiss her?
 
AA  : (to herself) Why would he kiss you, Circus Girl.
 
Ned :  She aksed where the hobby store and the barber shop was.
 
Betty:  Why the barber?
 
Ned :  I guess her beard needed thinning' out.
 
Betty:  Oh, Ned. You are a corker.
 
AA:  
 
Why would he kiss you, Circus Girl,
 
with a bearded face and skin of pearl?
 
A tattered dress and two-bits to spend,
 
just a Circus Girl without a friend.
 

The Why is crystal clear when told,
 
he was Ned with a heart of gold;
 
with the warmest smile and the purest soul,
 
to make a half and half girl whole.
 
 
To be continued...

 
 
         

Author Notes Image from Google

Info from ballotpedia.org


Chapter 10
Scene at a Third Party 10

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Loralie DeSilva and Zora Abebe had to run as President/Congress and Supreme Court Chief Justice respectively. LorDee is considering dumping Ned for GED as her VP.
 
Ned is seeing Betty Biggins, a campaign manager, who is working with MauMau to establish the political party. MauMau is also tasked with ending Ned and Betty's relationship.
 
Pons and GED are getting testy over plans to dump Ned. 
 
The scene opens with Skar and Abracada Brah squabbling over a three-dimensional,  life-size Big Boy statue. All other characters are postioned around the stage. 
 
 
Skar: This old Big Boy sculpture will fit nicely in the front seat of my car. 
 
AB: Desperate for a date?
 
Skar: This will allow my access to the High Occupancy Vehicle lane.
 
AB:  Which one of you will be driving?
 
Skar: Me, of course. Big Boy is a lifeless statue, and you will be clutching to life in the trunk.
 
AB: Are you threatening me?
 
Skar: Do you feel threatened?
 
AB: Answer my question.
 
Skar: I'll be driving.
 
Meanwhile, on the other side of the campaign center.
 
Pons: I have established contact with volunteers in twenty-five states. Each will develop a central authority in their respective state and find volunteers to do polling and gather signatures.
 
MauMau: How is that possible? 
 
Pons: Running for President is old hat for Ned and me. We have a large contingency of workers all ready to go.  
 
MauMau: What about the other half of the country?
 
Pons: Ned has taken the reins on that and tells me he has Rhode Island locked on.
 
MauMau: I can certainly surpass that tiny result.
 
Pons: Do you have contacts in New England?
 
MauMau: What about Old England?
 
Pons: Are they Americans?
 
MauMau: No, Britanicans.
 
Pons: Yeah, tell you what Mauz; I will get Betty on that, and you can schedule some speaking dates.  
 
MauMau: Got it!
 
Across the room, Betty and Ned sit on folding chairs. Abracada Brah walks up and sits down.
 
Betty: (to Ned)  There is a special showing of 'From Here to Eternity' at the Bijou Theater tonight.
 
Ned:  Really? So how far do we go after we leave the bee shoe? 
 
AB: (overhearing) Ha ha ha!  Ned, you are sooo stupid! 
 
Betty immediately walks over to Abracada Brah.
 
Betty: (to AB)  Shut your mouth Hocus Pokus before I shut it for you!
 
AB: I wasn't talking to you --
 
Betty quickly jabs her index finger in AB's mouth, grabs his cheek, and pulls him off his chair and to the floor. She then 'pants' him. 
 
Betty: Poof! DISAPPEAR!
 
AB jumps up and scurries off.
 
Ned: I thank ya fer steppin' up fer me, Betty, but I kin take a litta ribbin'.
 
Betty: That was not ribbing, Sweet Ned. That was snake venom. 
 
Ned:  Ya know, I hear that sorta thin' all the time. 
 
Betty: (giving Ned a quick peck on his lips)  Now you will hear the truth. 
 
Ned can only stare at her before trembling and tearing up. 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google Iconic scene from the film From Here to Eternity


Chapter 11
Scene at a Third Party 11

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Loralie DeSilva (LorDee) put Betty Biggins to work on getting the candidate qualified to run for the Presidency. Pons stepped up to coordinate other states, while MauMau concentrated on media exposure.  
Ned is seeing Betty Biggins, who has already stood up for Ned and confronted AB. She gave Ned a quick kiss. 
Skar and AB argued about plans to ride with the Big Boy character in the HOV lane. 
 
The scene opens with Skar driving a car with a life-size Big Boy statue in the passenger seat.  The windshield is invisible and the two figures face forward.
 
 
Skar: (to BigBoy) This was a great idea, BB. Glad you talked me into it.
 
BB: (Skar speaking for the statue) Shuah, Ponsclone.
 
Skar: What did you call me?
 
BB: Ponsclone. Ain't chu Pon's clone?
 
Skar: Maybe so, but I am myself. I am not accepting that shortsighted description. 
 
BB: Some see you as a knockoff. 
 
Skar: Who? Who sees me as a knockoff?
 
BB: You are a cheap imitation of Pons.
 
Skar: Pons is a Model A and I'm a Mustang.
 
BB: More like Pons is a Nash Rambler and you are an AMC Gremlin.
 
Skar: I might leave you by the side of the road.
 
BB: You need me, Oscar. 
 
Skar: Do not call me that. 
 
BB: It's your name. Well, actually your name is OK. Then someone thought it should stand for something. Oscar Kilo was assigned. 
 
Skar: Why are you telling me my story? 
 
BB: I am a beautiful porcelain statue, Ponsclone. I can't talk and am not living. So, the question is, Why are you telling you your story? 
 
Skar: You know why.
 
BB: Beautiful porcelain statue.
 
Skar: I think I may be losing my mind.
 
BB: It's because of what they had to do to make the cloning process work.
 
Skar: What do you mean?
 
BB: They had to use frog DNA to fill in the chain.
 
Skar: That's Jurassic Park.
 
BB: They accidentally dropped alcohol in your test tube.
 
Skar: That's Brave New World.
 
BB: Do you hear thumping and a muffled voice.
 
Skar: I'm not that far gone yet.
 
BB: No, really. I think I hear something.
 
Skar: Oh, yeah, that's Abracada Brah. He's in the trunk.
 
A siren is heard with police car lights in the back somewhere. Skar pulls over and switches places with the statue, placing it behind the steering wheel. 
 
Meanwhile, back at the campaign center.
 
Betty: (to LorDee) I predict that by the end of the next week we will have all fifty states up and running.
 
LorDee : What about Canada and Mexico?
 
Betty: They are not a part of the United States, Your Majesty.
 
LorDee :  Not yet.
 
Across the scene to MauMau and Pons.
 
Pons : (to MauMau) I have Florida, Georgia, and the Carolinas done. How about you?
 
MauMau: Quebec and Tiajuana are in the bag.
 
Pons : (staring for a moment at MauMau) Great. Tell you what, Mauz. How about you try to get the folks on the space staion and I'll work on Oz and Lilliput.
 
MauMau nods and walks off. Zora steps up with Abecedari Ann.
 
Zora : Are we ahead in the polls?
 
Pons : There are no polls. The election is more than a year away.
 
AA   :  Three hundred and sixty-five days, 
             then things will really get craze
             ee.
 
Zora : Is that supposed to be poetry, Betty?
 
Pons : This is actually --
 
Zora : Polls, GED.
 
AA   :  This is actually --
 
Zora : This is serious people. I cannot stand here and exchange niceties with groundlings. 
 
Pons : Groundlings?
 
Zora : Little people.
 
AA   :  There once was a woman named Zora,
            who failed at all basic decora;
            her comments diminished,
            our loyalty finished;
            we simply won't take any mora.
 
Zora : That's a bit better, Betty.
 
Zora steps off when GED walks by and they both exit to the left. 
 
Pons : Well, ha ha, Betty; that was enlightening.
 
AA   :  I am totally gobsmacked.
 
Pons : Would you like to have lunch with me. 
 
AA   :  Does lunch mean to make out in your car?
 
Pons : Just for you.
 
Meanwhile, Ned appears, at the bottom row of a set of bleachers. He has a blanket pulled over his shoulders and seems to be shivering. 
 
Then, above him, on the top row, appears DED.
 
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 12
Scene at a Third Party 12

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Pons stepped up to coordinate other states, while MauMau concentrated on media exposure.  Ned and Betty Biggins have grown closer, but Ned has been pulled into a dead zone by DED *(script Ned and DED).  Skar threw AB in the trunk and went joyriding in the HOV lane with the Big Boy character statue. Pons and AA have grown closer, as Zora is working to get GED to take Ned's place as VP.
 
The scene opens with Skar, AB, and Big Boy in the back seat of the county sheriff's car.  
 
 
Skar  : (to BigBoy) This is another fine mess you've gotten me into. 
 
BB: (Skar speaking for the statue) I am still just a beautiful porcelain statue.
 
AB  : Are you speaking to me?
 
Skar  : Did I begin by screaming your name and spitting?
 
Meanwhile, in the front seat of Pons' car.
 
Pons : I've got your gum.
 
AA: No, I was just clearing my throat.
 
Meanwhile, in the front seat of GED's car.
 
Zora : You kiss like an amateur.
 
GED: I feel like I'm kissing a lamprey. 
 
Zora : Do you gargle with garlic?
 
GED: Only before sucking face with a vampire.
 
Meanwhile, on the left side of the campaign center.
 
 
Betty: (to MauMau) Have you seen Ned?
 
MauMau: I thought I saw him step around the corner over there, but he isn't there now.
 
LorDee : (stepping up) Do we have all fifty states onboard yet?
 
Betty: Yes, Your Highness.
 
MauMau: Wait! Did you just call her Your Highness?
 
LorDee  : Does that threaten you, MauMau?
 
MauMau: No -- her highness.
 
Betty: It's not what you think, MauMau. We're close friends. It's a kind of joke between us.
 
LorDee :  Actually, MauMau is the joke between us. 
 
Meanwhile, on the right side of the campaign center. D-red is on a burner phone.
 
D-red: (on the phone) Hey, DED! Guess what. I have a new power. I can make people feel irriatated with each other.
 
Meanwhile, appearing at the center, Ned wanders in from the darkness.
 
 
 
To be continued...
 


Chapter 13
Scene at a Third Party 13

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee))
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Skar and AB were detained by the sheriff's department. Betty Biggins and Pons have made great strides towards establishing the third party across the nation. MauMau is supposedly concentrating on media exposure.  Ned has once again cheated death, while he and Betty grow closer.  AA and Pons are attracted to each other.  AB was manhandled by Betty and D-red has found he can affect moods negatively. 
 
The scene opens with Skar, AB, and the Big Boy statue behind bars at the county jail. The deputy and is on the phone, which is attached to the wall.

Skar: (to deputy) Hey, Screw! When are we getting out of here? 
 
AB: He's not a prison guard, Dummy. He's the county sheriff's deputy.
 
Skar: He's out jailer, sailor. 
 
AB: Why are you trying to be such a badass? 
 
Skar: The idea is to get them to want to kick us free. 
 
Deputy: (into the phone) That's right, Uncle Clay, uh, Sheriff. There are three of them. 
 
AB: (overhearing) Skar. He's including the Big Boy as being under arrest.
 
Skar: Good. Now we know what kind of brainpower we're up against. 
 
Deputy: The passenger says he was just catching a ride. The driver won't talk. Oh, and there was another person in the trunk. 
 
AB: I should have you arrested for kidnapping.
 
Skar: Hold out for murder.
 
Deputy: (into the phone) Okay, Unc - ah - Sheriff.  (hangs up and turns to the cell) You two can go, but the driver will have to stay, along with the car.
 
AB: How are we supposed to get home?
 
Skar: We'll ask at the impound lot, bruh. Deputy, I see you're short-handed; let me take the car to the lot myself. 
 
Deputy: Great.  Thanks.
 
AB: I suggest we disappear and leave the statue here. 
 
Skar: Wow! Great idea. Hey, let's take the car too.
 
AB: Are you mocking me?
 
Skar: Are you asking me or life?
 
Meanwhile, in GED's car.
 
Zora : I'm not sure what got into me, GED.
 
GED   :  Do you mean when you asked me for a ride and then seduced me in the car?
 
Zora : No, not that. When I spoke unkindly to you.
 
GED : Oh, that. I actually liked it. Sent a chill up my spine.
 
Zora : You  -- have a spine?
 
GED : I love this!
 
Meanwhile, in Pons' car.
 
AA   :  You are quite the kisser, Pons.
 
Pons :  I hope I have inspired a poem.
 
AA   :  Certainly a bawdy senryu.
 
Pons : Is that one of those one-hundred stanza epic poems?
 
AA   :  Seventeen.
 
Pons :  Stanzas?
 
AA   :  No.
 
Pons :  Lines?
 
AA   :  No.
 
Pons :  Words?
 
AA   :  Syllables.
 
Pons :  Hah. Well, that's -- 
 
AA   :  Half the punctuation would be exclamation points.
 
Pons :  THAT'S what I'm talking about!
 
Meanwhile, in the campaign center.
 
LorDee:  (to MauMau)  Does anyone still work here.
 
MauMau: There're two custodians playing beer-can shuffleboard with push brooms. 
 
 
LorDee: I mean our staff. Where are they?
 
Betty steps up
 
Betty: Have either of you seen Ned?
 
Ned steps up.
 
LorDee: I hope he is doing something vice presidential.
 
Ned : Hey, folks.
 
Betty: (to MauMau) MauMau, have you seen Ned?
 
Ned : Right cheer. Miss Betty.
 
MauMau: I saw him earlier in the day. He was shivering and babbling incoherently.
 
Betty: What was wrong with him?
 
MauMau: Didn't I just say he was shivering and babbling incoherently.
 
Ned : Can't yall hear me? Can't ya see me? 
 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
         


Chapter 14
Scene at a Third Party 14

By Bill Schott

Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar  = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED:  = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate 
DED: Agent of Death
D-red: Agent of Death for vermin and insects.
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, D-red had some effect on the campaign personnel which made everyone belligerent. LorDee belittled Pons and AA,  and Zora and GED were verbally abusive to each other. Betty and Pons have locked on workers in all fifty states and MauMau is tasked to break up a budding romance between Ned and Betty.  Ned has had a close call with DED and is somehow still affected by it, as no one can see or hear him. 
 
 
The scene opens with all the characters hitting each other with three-foot long pool noodles.
 
Zora: (shouting) Keep it up! 
 
Skar: Whose idea was this?
 
Pons: Since everyone has been acting so mean to each other, I asked a friend of mine, who's a marriage counselor, for some help.
 
MauMau: So now we attack each other with pool noodles.
 
AB: You call that an attack?  You hit like a girl.
 
LorDee: You, of course, mean Wonder Woman.
 
AB: Exactly. MauMau hits like a woman.
 
Ned: Can't nobody hear me?
 
GED: Ned? Hey, Ned! Where have you been. Hey look everyone. It's Ned!
 
There is no reaction from anyone.
 
GED: What is going on, People!
 
Betty:  Has anyone seen GED?
 
AA: He was just here a moment ago.
 
GED: I'm right here, Ann.
 
Ned: I kin hear ya, GED. 
 
GED: Ned! Where have you been? What's going on?
 
The others continue hitting each other with floatable tubing as Ned and GED move to center stage.
DED and D-red enter from the left and meet with Ned and GED.
 
 
DED: (greeting the men) Hello, Gentlemen. 
 
D-red: (greeting the men) Turds.
 
DED: I have been on the horns of a dilemma lately and have finally come to a resolution.
 
Ned: (making a pained expression)  Garsh, DED. That musta bin a afaw esperints.
 
GED: He means experience. 
 
D-red: Yeah, we talk Ned. It's like hiccuping when you have a headache and constipation while falling down a flight of stairs.
 
DED: I was using a cliche, Ned.
 
Ned: Oh, okay. Long as ya had some kinda pertection from them horns.
 
GED: Why can't people see or hear us?
 
Ned: I kin hear ya, GED.
 
DED: There is a problem I must solve right away.
 
Ned: GED's purdy good at rithma-tic. He knows jom'try, elg'bra. and fizzeliks.
 
Ned and everyone else freezes while DED comes closer to GED. D-red wanders among the frozen people.
 
GED: Is this what I think it is?
 
DED: I am afraid so.
 
GED and DED exit to the left. D-red hurries out behind them. Then everyone is reanimated.
 
Zora:  Look, it's Ned.
 
Skar: Wow! It's like you just APPEARED!
 
Pons: Hey, Cuz! Where have you been all this time?
 
MauMau: I'm sure you had a life or death situation you were dealing with.
 
AB: You seem pale, like a ghost.
 
LorDee: I am so glad you are back, Ned. 
 
Ned: I was -- gone?
 
Betty: Yes, Ned. It seems like a lifetime. 
 
AA: Has anyone seen GED?
 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 15
Scene at a Third Party 15

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
AB  (Abracada Brah)  =  Dirty Tricks Coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously, Pons secured a bunch of pool noodles for the staff to get out their aggressions on each other safely. Ned has returned from his near-death experience, but GED was taken instead. He is only presumed to be missing. 
 
The scene opens with all the characters standing around with pool noodles.  Two men enter from the left. They seem identical though one is in a business suit and the other dressed in sweat pants and a hoodie.
 
 
 
LorDee : (to the two arrivals)  Are you two the detectives from Fine Investigations?
 
Fox : Yes. I am Fox Fine and this is Felix.
 
LorDee : You look like twins.
 
Felix : Wow, you're pretty sharp. Wanna job at a detective agency?
 
LorDee : I'm running for president.
 
Felix: Well, maybe on the weekends. 
 
MauMau steps up to speak to LorDee standing in front of Fox and Felix Fine.
 
MauMau: I have arranged an interview with Fox.
 
Fox : I don't know this guy, Ma'am. I talked with a woman named Betty Biggins. 
 
Felix: Yeah, is she available? Is she cute?
 
MauMau: I meant Fox News, not these fools.
 
Zora steps up.
 
Zora:  When is our interview with Fox?
 
Fox : We can begin now.
 
Zora:  I meant Fox News.
 
Felix: My name's Felix. I' m news. 
 
Zora:  Aren't you a detective? I could be a suspect.
 
Felix : Really? What should I suspect you of  -- uh -- lady?
 
Zora:  I am Zora Abebe.
 
Felix : That's my new girlfriend's name.
 
Zora:  You have a girl friend named Zora?
 
Felix : Are you asking me or telling me?
 
Betty walks up to LorDee.
 
Betty: I have arranged an interview with Fox.
 
Fox : There's a familiar voice.  
 
Betty: You must be Fox. 
 
Fox : Right. So, you have a missing person?
 
Ned walks up to Fox.
 
Ned :  Hey! I thunk I knowd who you was. You was at Cousin Hed's Hat Store.
 
Fox : Fred, right?
 
Ned :  Nope. His name really is Hed. 
 
Meanwhile, Zora and Felix are across the scene to the far right kissing in the corner.
 
Zora:  Are you going to ask me any questions?
 
Felix : Sure. So, is this blouse felt?
 
Zora giggles and the two continue kissing.
 
Fox : Led?
 
Ned :  Nope. 
 
Fox : Med?
 
Ned :  Nope. 
 
Fox : Ned?
 
Ned :  Nope -- uh -- I mean -- yup.
 
Fox : Great. Okay, Ned. Who's missing?
 
Ned :  It's my clone, GED.
 
Fox stares at Ned for a moment. Then he looks to Betty.
 
Betty: Yes, it's his clone. His name is GED. 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
       


Chapter 16
Scene at a Third Party 16

By Bill Schott

 
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
AB  (Abracada Brah)  =  Dirty Tricks Coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously, detectives Fox and Felix Fine arrived to investigate GED's disappearance.  GED has actually died and is in Post Park playing chess with D-red. MauMau has scheduled an interview for  LorDee with Fox News. 
 
The scene opens with LorDee, Ned, Zora, and Felix sitting down across from Fox reporter Lowell Wrent. 
 
Lowell :  (facing and speaking downstage as if to a television audience)  This is Lowell Wrent here today with the third world - uh - party candidate Loralie DeSilva and her running mate Ned Nuckledd.
 
Felix :  (to Zora) I thought you might be the running mate.
 
Zora : I will be the Supreme Court.
 
Felix :  How does that work?
 
Zora : Sorry, that is classified.
 
LorDee : Hi, Lowell.
 
Ned : Hey.
 
Lowell :  My research shows you are registered in all fifty states.
 
Ned : I hear we're good in Canader and Mexicur too.
 
Lowell :  Really. So -- Ned, you are going to be the vice president?
 
Ned : Yep. That is 'til LorDee gits 'peached er sassy-naitted; then I'll be yer Predsodent.
 
Meanwhile, in another part of the campaign center. Fox Fine speaks with Betty Biggins.
 
Fox: So, Miss Biggins, what do you know about the disappearance of GAD?
 
Betty: Gad? His name is pronounced Jed.  It's an acronym for General Equivalency Dude. 
 
Fox: Who would name their kid that?
 
Betty: He's a clone.
 
Fox: He's a what?
 
Meanwhile, in yet another part of the campaign center, Skar, Pons, MauMau, AB, and AA are comparing notes on what is going on in the campaign.  
 
Skar :  Man, I keep dropping lower in the barnyard here.
 
Pons : So, you're no longer a VP candidate? 
 
Skar :  Zora is now planning on becoming the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
 
MauMau: I will be the President of Defense.
 
Betty: Secretary of Defense?
 
MauMau: I'm not going to be anyone's secretary.  You be a secretary.
 
AB  :  It's just what it's called, man.
 
Pons : The Brits call it Minister of Defense.
 
MauMau: I'm no preacher either.
 
Skar :  I might be the Secretary of State.
 
MauMau: Just a state?  Which state? 
 
Skar : (smirking)  Alaska, MauMau. I will be the Secretary of Alaska. 
 
AA :  Does anyone have any idea where GED went?
 
AB  :  Ned was missing, then he returned and GED was missing. 
 
Pons : Like they changed places.
 
AA :  Did you see the detectives? I wonder if one is the clone of the other.
 
Betty: Ned said they are twins.
 
AB  :  My guess is that one is a Martian, and the other its look-a-like android.
 
MauMau: Well sure, but which is which?
 
AA :  I feel a poem coming on.
 
Pons : Let's make up a joint poem that we all contribute to.
 
AA :  Or -- (makes a gesture with her head for them to leave)
 
Pons smiles and the two sneak away.
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google.


Chapter 17
Scene at a Third Party 17

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
AB  (Abracada Brah)  =  Dirty Tricks Coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously,  Fox News reporter, Lowell Wrent, arrived at the campaign headquarters to interview the candidate and staff.  Detectives from Fine Investigations  are looking for GED, who no one knows has been taken away by DED. 
 
The scene opens with Lowell Wrent interviewing a staff member individually. 
 
Lowell :  (across from LorDee)  You are a rising alternative in a season where people want more choices for leadership. What is your motivation.
 
LorDee :  I feel that the United States needs what I offer. The current division of courts, legislation, and executive branches has become compromised; they are mired in an immobile sludge of improbable options. 
 
Lowell :  How would you lead us out of that?
 
LorDee :  As President I would bring a tighter schedule to all of these currently dead branches of government. 
 
Meanwhile, on the other side of the building.
 
Zora : I have never fallen into a relationship so quickly. 
 
Felix :  So many women, so little time.
 
Zora : What! Do you consider me some kind of quickie conquest?
 
Felix :  Not yet, but I feel we are going in the right direction. 
 
Zora : You are a pig!
 
Felix : But what a pig, right?
 
Meanwhile...
 
Lowell :  (across from AB)  I have heard you are known as the dirty tricks guy.
 
AB:  It is a necessary skill that helps level the playing field.
 
Lowell :  What types of things have you done?
 
AB:  Some will have to be secret forever, but others I can reveal now. 
 
Lowell :  I will only report what you tell me or whatever I want. 
 
AB:  I tied knots in everyone's shoes at the White House Correspondents' Dinner.
 
Meanwhile elsewhere.
 
Betty:  I can't tell you how scared I was when you were missing, Ned.
 
Ned : I wish I could amember where I was win you was so ascared, Betty.
 
Betty:  I hope GED is alright. 
 
Ned  : He's lots smarter than me, so he kin handle whatsever goin' on.
 
Betty:  You are so kind and sweet, Ned. I think I'm falling for you.
 
Ned : I fall sometimes too. 
 
Lowell :  (across from Zora)  I thought you might be LorDee's VP. 
 
Zora :  I have bigger plans for our country and myself than a stuffed shirt in a back office. 
 
Lowell :  I have heard you plan to aggressively replace as many staff as possible with people of color. 
 
Zora :  Time's up, Lowell.
 
Lowell :  So, white folk need not apply then?
 
Zora :  That would be wrong, Lowell.
 
Lowell :  I have to agree.
 
Zora :  Of course you have to, Mein Herr.
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Chapter 18
Scene at a Third Party 18

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
AB  (Abracada Brah)  =  Dirty Tricks Coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
D-red: = Agent of Death for insects and vermin. 
Zombie GED: = as you would imagine
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously,  Fox News reporter, Lowell Wrent, interviewed LorDee, Zora, and AB briefly. The detectives, Fox and Felix Fine are narrowing down who might know where GED has gone.  Pons, AA, AB, and Betty plan to create a joint poem.
 
The scene opens with Lowell Wrent interviewing MauMau and Betty together.
 
Lowell :  (across from MauMand Betty)  As campaign managers, what do you each feel you contribute to the eventual success of the DeSilva Presidential campaign?
 
MauMau:  I called you for one, and then I have experience dealing with people on various levels of sobriety. 
 
Lowell : Sobriety?
 
MauMau: I was a bouncer. Also, I wrestled on the mid-Atlantic circuit. 
 
Lowell :  I do not imagine you get much guff from people here.
 
MauMau:  You'd be surprised. Some of these clowns have no idea how close they come to death each day.
 
Lowell :  Are you a time bomb, MauMau?
 
Betty:  (interrupting) MauMau is a vital member of the LorDee Campaign, Mr. Wrent. 
 
Lowell :  So, are you a wrestler as well, Miss - uh - Biggins?
 
Betty:  Of course not, Mr. Wrent. I am a people mover and party planner. Organizing this campaign falls right into my skill set. 
 
Lowell :  You seem to be on task, as the word is definitely out that this third pary campaign is a legitimate endeavor. 
 
MauMau:  We are legit!
 
Betty:  We are legit!
 
Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the campaign center, two figures appear. One is D-red and the other ---Zombie GED.
 
D-red: Here we are, Ziggity.
 
Zombie GED:  Aarrgh !!
 
D-red: What? You don't like that name? 
 
Zombie GED:  Aarrgh !!
 
D-red:  Don't worry your rotting little head about it, Dude. No one is going to call you that here. 
 
Zombie GED:  Aarrgh !!
 
D-red: To be sure. They will run from you like mice from Velveta.
 
Zombie GED: Aarrgh !!
 
D-red: Why did I bring you? Well, I happen to know this whole side of the building is infested with termites. The pesticide company will be rolling in here any time to hose those suckers down. 
 
Zombie GED:  Aarrgh !!
 
D-red: Yes, I live a charmed death. Now, off with you, Ziggity. 
 
Zombie GED:   Aarrgh !!
 
D-red: Sorry.  I will simply call you Brains. I will call you brains because -- you are what you eat. 
 
Zombie GED:   Brains !!
 
D-red:  Ohhh Yeahhh!! By Jove, I think he's got it!
 
Zombie GED:   Brains !!
 
D-red:  Go find your friends, Brains.
 
Zombie GED:   Brains !!
 
Meanwhile, back at the interview area...
 
Lowell: So. Pons Maninoff. This is old hat for you by now. I recall you once began a campaign but eventually turned it over to that knucklehead Ned. 

Pons: His name is Ned Nuckledd, Mr. Wrent. You will need to get that right before he becomes the Vice President of these United States. 
 
Skar: You know, I was supposed to be in Ned's shoes. 
 
Lowell: Only one pair between you?
 
Skar: What? Don't even tell me you're making fun of ME. You're making fun of ME ?!
 
Pons: Calm down, Skar.
 
Lowell: I must warn you, I am a black belt.
 
Skar: I will make you into a belt, Wrent!
 
Pons: Let it go, dude.
 
Lowell: Yes, YOU would have made a fine VP.
 
D-red walks by snickering. He continues across to the other side where AB sits talking to himself. D-red pauses and continues past AB and out of the scene. AB sits talking to himself.
 
AB: Should I kill everyone, or almost eveyone?  Why are you asking me? I'm not asking you. Well I'm the only one here. I was just thinking out loud. So, should you kill everyone or almost everyone? That's a no-brainer. 
 
From out of the darkness, Zombie GED lurches forward and grabs AB out of the chair and drags him back into the darkness. There are the muffled cries of AB, and a sudden muted crack. Then, there is a sound like a melon being pulled apart, followed by gurgling. Ripping and sloshing sounds lead finally to a low but forceful utterance, which sounds mournful.  BRAINS!!
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 19
Scene at the Third Party 19

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
D-red: = Agent of Death for insects and vermin. 
Zombie GED: = as you would imagine
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously,  Fox News reporter, Lowell Wrent, interviewed MauMau and Betty, as well as Pons and Skar.  D-red brought GED back as a zombie who has taken AB as his first victim.  
 
The scene opens with Fox and Felix Fine, and Ned and Betty standing over the remains of Abracada Brah.
 
Ned :  (holding his hands over Betty's ears)  Gawd Amighty! Dun look, Miss Betty! 
 
Betty:  Did someone drop a watermelon on that man's head?
 
Fox : He looks a lot like that Brah guy who likes to do dirty tricks. 
 
Felix : I remember that guy having less blood and more brains. 
 
Betty:  (staring sternly at Felix)  How can you joke at a time like this!?
 
Felix :  It's a gift. 
 
Ned :  I'm a sorriful that AB ain't got no brains, but I'm still discerned 'bout where GED's at. 
 
Fox :  This has become a murder scene so we will need to call the police. 
 
Ned :  (holding his hands over Betty's ears again)  Gawd Amighty! That guy got murdert!? 
 
Felix :  I suppose he could have sneezed poorly, but odds are someone killed him.
 
Betty:  I will call the police immediately.
 
Fox :  I'll call the homicide squad. Felix will begin interviewing everyone to see where they have been since the corpse was alive. 
 
Betty:  How do we know how long Abracada has been dead?
 
Fox :  That's what the interviewing will lead us to.
 
Betty:  Should we just wait for the police to establish all this?
 
Fox :  If we were in a vacuum, but we are in an environment where one man is missing and another is dead. 
 
Meanwhile, on the other side of the building, Lowell Wrent sat with both Loralie DeSilva and Zora Abebe.
 
Lowell:  There seems to be some internal problems today. I understand you have misplaced someone. 
 
LorDee:  I think that Ned's clone has wandered away.
 
Lowell:  There was some talk, I have heard, about replacing your current running mate with this clone. 
 
Zora :  I believe that would be a good idea. 
 
Lowell:  I get the impression that - uh - GED is considerably more intelligent than Ned.
 
Zora :  Definitely has more brains. 
 
Downtown at the police station, the phone in the homicide squad office rings.
 
D'weir:  Lieutenant D'weir.  
 
Betty:  Is this the homicide department?
 
D'weir:  Go ahead.
 
Betty:  I want to report a murder.
 
D'weir:  Give me the address, we'll be there within the hour.
 
He hangs up the phone and presses the intercom. 
 
D'weir:  Inspector Schlitz. We have a case.
 
 
 
 
To be continued...

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 20
Scene at a Third Party 20

By Bill Schott

                                        
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Zora Abebe = when elected, will be THE Supreme Court
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Zombie GED: = brain eater
-------------------------------------------------------
 
Previously,  Fox News reporter, Lowell Wrent, interviewed LorDee and Zora about the unusual happenings at the campaign center.  Zombie GED killed AB and ate his brains.
Finding the corpse, the private detectives try to establish where everyone was, and the homicide squad is called in. 
 
The scene opens with Fox and Felix Fine standing over the remains of Abracada Brah, while meeting the police investigators, Inspector Bull Schlitz and Lt. D'weir.
 
 
Fox :  (standing with Felix on the right of the body) This is the victim. 
 
Bull :  (simply stares at Fox before shifting his gaze to Felix, then addresses Lt. D'weir) Weirdo, get the lab to work.
 
The lieutenant steps away while pulling out his phone. 
 
Fox : (to Bull) We think he was killed between two and three a.m.
 
Bull : How did you figure that out?
 
Felix: He had brains before two.
 
Bull looks at Felix again without comment. 
 
Bull : (to Fox)  Who found the body?
 
Fox : Ned Nuckledd and Betty Biggins. 
 
Bull : Get 'em.
 
Felix: I don't work for you, Inspector. 
 
The inspector reaches into his inner breast pocket and pulls out a flip phone.
 
Bull : (into the older cell phone)  Weirdo, find Ned Knucklehead and Betty Big Guns.
 
Fox : That's Nuckledd and Biggins, Inspector. 
 
Inspector Schlitz looks silently at Fox and Felix as he replaces his cell phone in his jacket. 
 
Bull : You two brothers?
 
Felix: (begins singing the Patty Duke Show theme) We're cou----sins, identical cousins and you'll find, we walk alike and talk ali--
 
Fox : Shut up, Felix. We're cousins, Inspector. 
 
Bull : From here on, all your input goes through Lieutenant D'weir.
 
The insector turns and walks away.  Fox turns to Felix.
 
Fox : You are a total screw up.
 
Felix: That's what you are; what am I?
 
Elsewhere, LorDee and Lowell Wrent are standing both sides of Lt. D'weir.
 
Lt. D'weir:  Mrs. Desilva, how long have you known the deceased?
 
LorDee:  I did not actually know him well. He was a fixture of Zora Abebe's campaign.
 
Lowell : Hello, Lt. D'weir; they call you Weirdo, right?
 
Lt. D'weir:  Perhaps, with their old teeth.
 
Lowell steps away quickly.
 
LorDee:   By the way, I am not married. You may call me Ms. DeSilva, or LorDee.
 
Lt. D'weir:  Thank you, LorDee. I want you to know that you are the prime suspect in this case.
 
LorDee:   (totally taken aback)  What!? Me!? 
 
Suddenly, a man's scream comes from off stage. Lowell Wrent rushes in from stage right to the center with LorDee and D'weir. He is gasping for breath.
 
Lt. D'weir:  What is it?!  Why did you scream?!
 
Lowell : Zora! Zora Abebe! 
 
From stage left, Ned, Betty, Pons, AA, Skar and MauMau quickly scurry in.
 
LorDee:   (to Lowell)  What's wrong! What about Zora! 
 
From stage right, Fox and Felix Fine enter followed by Inspector Schlitz.  
 
Bull : Weirdo! Close all the exits! Block off four square blocks immediately! I want the coroner here ten minutes ago!
 
Lt. D'weir:  Check. (steps off talking on his phone)
 
LorDee:   What is happening!
 
Lowell : Zora! She's been murdered!
 
 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
         

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 21
Scene at a Third Party 21

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Zombie GED: = brain eater
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,   Zombie GED claimed Zora as his latest victim. The police, private detectives, all others are called together to respond to this emergency. 
 
The scene opens with all characters formed at center with the two police officers on the left and everyone else on the right.
 
LorDee :   What is happening!
 
Lowell : Zora! She's been murdered!
 
Bull :  (holding his arms wide and talking to everyone) We need all people accounted for right now.  Fine! (talking to Fox Fine) I need you to accomplish this right away.
 
Fox : (to Bull) On it Inspector.
 
Felix : I need to help.
 
Fox : This is serious, Felix. 
 
Felix : I want to help. I had a thing for that Nubian Queen. 
 
Bull steps up talking on his flip phone.
 
Bull : (to phone)  I will get this done here. Keep the rest going. (then to Felix Fine) I want you over here with me. 
 
Fox : What do you need, Inspector?
 
Bull : Felix! Here!
 
Felix : How can I help, Bull?
 
Bull : Inspector.
 
Felix : No, you're the Inspector. I'm Felix Fine.
 
The inspector looks at Fox.
 
Bull : Take Ms. DeSilva, Ned Nucklehead, and Soupy Sales here over to that office. 
 
Fox : That's Nuckledd. 
 
Felix :   Am I Soupy Sales? 
 
Bull : They're all suspects.
 
Fox : Why is my cousin a suspect. We're helping you.
 
Bull ignores him and he turns towards the area where the body was found. From that direction appears Lt. D'weir.
 
Lt. D'weir:  I have photos of the two victims, before and after, and one of the missing guy. 
 
Bull looks at the photographs, especially one.
 
Bull : This guy ain't missing. He's standing over there with the others. 
 
Bull and D'weir move across to the office where his primary suspects are waiting. There he sees LorDee and Felix, but walks pass them to Ned.
 
Bull : You're the guy we're looking for.  (shows the photograph to Ned)
 
Ned : Nope, Expector, that ain't me. 
 
Bull : I suppose he's your cousin.
 
Felix :   Cousins, identical cousins la la laa.
 
Bull ignores Felix and stares at Ned. 
 
Ned : That there is GED. He's my cologne.
 
LorDee :  (chiming in)  GED is Ned's clone. 
 
Lt. D'weir:  Clone? We can do that now?
 
Ned :   Yep. Me 'n Pons both a us gots colognes.
 
LorDee interupts.
 
LorDee : Why am I a suspect in this investigation, 
 
Lt. D'weir:  We have learned that Zora Abebe was planning on scuttling your campaign and running her own  -- without you. 
 
LorDee : Ridiculous!
 
Lt. D'weir:  Wasn't GED going to actually be your running mate after you ditched Ned?
 
Ned :   Ditched who?
 
Bull : Wasn't Abracada Brah Zora's dirty tricks guy? Now they are both dead. Forensics says GED's fingerprints are all over both bodies. 
 
Felix rushes over to confront LorDee.
 
Felix :   You killed my future wife?!
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
         


Chapter 22
Scene at a Third Party 22

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar  = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash 
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  =  Poet Laureate 
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Zombie GED: = brain eater
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,   Inspector Bull Schlitz had a theory that Zora Abebe,  Abracada Brah, and the missing GED may be victims of a vengeful Loralie DeSilva.  Ned, LorDee, and Betty Biggins are suspects. 
 
The scene opens with a news reporter, Lowell Wrent, making a live report from the Third Party Campaign Center, formerly the Big Boy.  
 
Lowell : This is Lowell Wrent, Fox News, reporting from LorDee DeSilva campaign headquarters, where police investigators are searching for the perpetrater of at least two grisly murders. Former third party hopeful Zora Abebe, and longtime political dirty tricks professional, Abracada Brah were discovered murdered in what the coroner has described as, and I quote, "an F==ing bloodbath!"
 
Fox : (to Felix) Are you all right, Cuz?
 
Felix : I feel all kinds of stuff, Fox. I am heartbroken that Zora has been killed. I didn't know her well, but we clicked right away. I could imagine the two of us making it for a year or more.
 
Fox  : A year?
 
Felix : Sure. I think you could have stood me that long. 
 
Skar:  I still can't believe that Abrabanana is dead.
 
Pons: I don't understand how anyone could think Ned would harm a fly. 
MauMau: I will destroy whoever is responsible for Queen Zora Abebe's demise.
 
AA:  Poor Betty. I don't see why they suspect her. 
 
Fox  : I'm just spitballing, but I figure since Miss Biggins and Ned were canoodling, and they think Ned knows something about GED's disappearance, she was lumped in. 
 
Felix :  The poor woman. I may need to comfort her when they jail Nuckledd.
 
Skar:  Do you even remember her name?
 
Felix :  No time for quizzing now, Ponsclone. I'm grieving.  
 
Pons: I guess I should call our lawyer.
 
MauMau:  I believe I will be addressing Betty's needs soon. This experience has drawn the two of us closer, and I feel quite protective of her. 
 
AA:  I feel a poem coming on. 
 
Fox  : What about? Will it be politics?  Will it be romance?  Murder?
 
AA:  Perhaps we could all write one together..
 
Felix :  I'll start:   There once was a man from Zimbabwe                                                                                                         who parked his car in my driveway                                                                                                               this deal got old                                                                                                                                             so I had him towed
                              and also had him deported. Hey!                             
 
Skar:  You're a poet and you don't know it, but your feet show it. They stink like your poems.
 
Pons: You people are ridiculous. There are dead people, friends in the hands of the police, and -- 
 
MauMau: GED!!
 
Everyone looks to the left where Zombie GED enters walking slowly and muttering.
 
AA:  GED! Where have you been?! What is that red mess all over you?
 
Fox  : Oh my god! Is he covered with blood?!
 
Felix :  Did he sleep in his clothes? I've seen substitute school teachers look less unkempt. 
 
Skar:  What have you been doin', Dude? You look like the loser in a cherry pie eatin' contest.
 
Pons: He looks sick and injured. He needs medical attention.
 
Felix :  BETTY! Her name is Betty!
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 23
Scene at a Third Party 23

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Zombie GED: = brain eater
DED = Agent of Death
D-red = Agent of Death of vermin
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously, Zora Abebe, Abracada Brah, and the missing GED are thought to be victims of a vengeful Loralie DeSilva.   Both Ned and Betty Biggins are suspected of being accessories. Zombie GED has made an appearence. 

The scene opens with Zombie GED plodding in from the left shocking nearly everyone.  

AA : GED! Are you all right?

Fox : Are you injured?

Felix : You know, I noticed a shower in the bathroom area.

Skar : He does not look a hundred percent. C'mon, Dude! What's wrong with you?

Pons : (stepping up to GED) Let us help you, man.
 
Zombie GED: Brains!! 
 
Pons : Wow! GED, your breath smells like butt, man. 
 
Zombie GED: Brains!! 

Fox : He's trying to tell us something.

Felix : He seems to want brains. Are we sure this isn't Nuckledd? 

Skar : He might have brain damage.
 
Felix : Nuckledd, for sure. What about this guy? 

MauMau: I think he is responsible for Queen Zora Abebe's demise. 

AA : Not GED. I could never believe that.
 
MauMau races forward and grabs GED in a bear hug. 
 
MauMau: You will pay, demon!
 
Zombie GED plunges his mouth onto the right side of MauMau's head and bites off his eyebrow, then  ripping it away from the man's face.  MauMau screams, breaks free, and runs in the opposite direction. 
 
AA : Okay, well. I guess maybe I could be convinced.
 
Felix : He's got rabies!
 
Skar : He's got brain damage at a minimum. 
 
Pons : You all need to get away from here.
 
Fox : What about you?
 
Pons : GED's my friend, I need to see that he is taken care of.
 
Fox : I'll do what I can to help.
 
Felix : I'll be your witness for the Fox News broadcast. The one who survived.
 
Skar : (to Pons) Well, if you're staying I'm staying, 

Felix : Are you talking to Maninoff, or your fellow clone there, Ponsclone?
 
Skar : Both of them, Fine. Now shove off or you'll be witnessing your own ass-kicking.  
 
Felix : Big talk from a sloppy copy.
 
Skar and Felix begin wrestling on the floor.
 
Zombie GED: Brains!! 
 
Fox : Wow! I can't believe I was distracted from this.
 
AA : I don't know whether to stay with you fellas and help or run off screaming. 
 
Everyone except GED freezes in place, as DED and D-red enter from the left.
 
DED: This is quite a mess you have created.
 
D-red: I was just stretching my abilities into new areas. I think I'm well past collecting bugs and mice. I should be creating drama here, like this. 
 
DED: (addressing GED) What do you think GED?
 
Zombie GED: Brains!! 
 
D-red: He seems happy.
 
DED: GED, your time here is over. You are past all this and are in my care now.
 
D-red: Don't you just send him on to his -- reward? 
 
DED: I feel both GED and I can learn from each other over time. 
 
D-red: Well, sure. Okay. I will find another likely replacement for my zombie. 
 
DED grabs D-red's cloak and strips it from him, like pulling a tablecloth out from under a setting of  plates, leaving him standing in off-white boxer shorts. DED then wraps the cloak around GED.  
 
D-red: I suppose I can't influence moods anymore or make zombies.
 
DED: Vermin for you, D-red. It is your highest level of incompetency.
 
D-red: What about a cloak?
 
DED: (hands D-red something folded up) Here is a disposable, pink, transparent rain poncho from the local baseball stadium. 
 
D-red: (with a sneer) Great.
 
DED: (to GED) Shall we go?
 
D-ged: Whatever you say. 
 
The three exit where they entered and the others unfreeze. Skar and Felix resume wrestling. 
 
Pons : I'm going downtown and check on Ned. I still need to call our lawyer. (steps off)
 
Fox : I'll check with the police on what they've turned up. (steps off)
 
AA : I feel a poem coming on:
 
Each person's tale is their own separate trail,
it can neither be bested or be made to fail;
we will all get our gettings and forget regrettings,
until sun is setting past the tears of the vale.
 
 
Skar and Felix continue wrestling on the floor.
 
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 24
Scene at a Third Party 24

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
PA = Physician Assistant 
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,  Loralie DeSilva, Ned, and Betty Biggins are being detained at police headquarters as suspects in the murders of both Zora Abebe and Abracada Brah.

The scene opens in the homicide office with Inspector Bull Schlitz at his desk sitting across from both Skar and Felix Fine.
 
Bull : Which a yous is Freelicks Fine?
 
Felix :  I am FEE-lix Fine, Inspector. 

Bull : That makes you Scarface?

Skar : The name is Skar. S - K - A - R.

Bull : Officers found yous two rollin' around on the floor like kids in schoolyard. 

Skar : He started it. Hey, aren't you going to ask me about my name?
 
Bull : Do either of yous got information about the murders?
 
Felix : Are you referring to the examples of the murder of the English language that you are demonstrating, or --
 
Bull : (yells into intercom)  Weirdo!

Lt. D'weir: (on the intercom) Yes, Inspector.

Bull : Put these two in lockup for twenty-four hour.
 
Lt. D'weir: On it.
 
Skar : Wait a minute, Columbo. You've no reason to lock me up.
 
Two officers enter and whisk Felix and Skar away.
 
Bull : (on the intercom) You gettin' anywhere wit the others?
 
Lt. D'weir: No brains here, Inspector.

Bull : Send in Knucklehead.
 
On the other end of the intercom...
 
Lt. D'weir: Ned Nuckledd, you are to walk to and through that door  (pointing) and sit across the desk from Inspector Schlitz. Do it now.
 
Ned : Okeedokee. 
 
Pons: I want to go with Ned. I'm his -- sponsor.
 
Lt. D'weir: Papers?
 
Pons: In my other script.
 
Lt. D'weir: Tell the Inspector - uh - Maninoff. Go on in.
n
Pons and Ned walk to and through the office door and stand across from Bull. Pons finds a nearby chair and both sit. 
 
Bull : (on the intercom) Weirdo! 
 
Lt. D'weir: Sir?
 
Bull : Why ain't Scarface in lockup?
 
Lt. D'weir: He is, Inspector. The two with you are Ned Nuckledd and Pons Maninoff. 
 
Bull : (to intercom)  Any good coffee out there?
 
Lt. D'weir: If an empty pot is good.
 
Bull : Send somebody to the sergeant's desk and bring coffees for Knucklehead, the Fonz, yous, and me. 
 
Meanwhile, at the local Urgent Care facility, MauMau rushes in.
 
MauMau: Help! I need help!
 
PA :  How can I help y-- gaaa!!  What happened!?
 
MauMau lowers the bloodsoaked shirt which he had ripped off a passersby to apply pressure to his face wound. 
 
MauMau: Fix this! I need shots as well -- and get me a gypsy or a priest!
 
PA :  Were you attacked?!
 
MauMau: By a demon!! A mindless murderous creature!
 
PA :  I'll call the police right now.
 
MauMau: The gypsy!! Get me -- gypsy and --- (he faints and hits the floor)
 
PA :  (on the phone)  Yes, officer. Please send someone to the Urgent Care on Main Street. Yes, down from the old Big Boy. It is an emergency. I also need an ambulance and --- a gypsy --- and a priest.
 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 25
Scene at a Third Party 25

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
PA = Physician Assistant 
Sgt Linda Chin = desk sergeant
Patrolman Willy Killigan = beat cop
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,  Loralie DeSilva, Ned, Betty Biggins, Pons, Skar, Fox and Felix Fine, and Abecedari Ann  are being detained at police headquarters as suspects in the murders of both Zora Abebe and Abracada Brah. MauMau was treated at an Urgent Care Clinic for demon bite while the police were being called.

The scene opens at the police sergeant's desk with Sergeant Linda Chin, where she is receiving Patrolman Willy Killigan and MauMau.   
 
Chin : What you got there, Killer?
 
Killigan :  Zombie bite, Sarge.

Chin : Of course. The moon is full so the streets are filled with lunatics.

Killigan : This one has a mouthful of forehead chomped out.

Chin : Maybe it's a knife wound, or a bullet graze.

Killigan : Doc at the urgent care says it's a bite. A human bite.
 
Chin : So what's the story? Where's the (air quotes) zombie?
 
Killigan : MauMau here says the perp is with the LorDee Campaign. 
 
Chin : That makes some sense then. That whole horror show is up with the homicide squad right now.
 
Meanwhile, in the homicide office ... Pons and Ned sit across from Inspector Bull Schlitz.
 
Bull : (to Pons) So you're Pons Maninoff, and Scarface is your twin.
 
Pons : Yes and no. I am Pons Maninoff, but his name is OK. However, we decided that was too impersonal, so we changed it to the phonetic Oscar Kilo. He has since adopted the nickname Skar.
 
Bull : (seeming unaffected turns to Ned) So you're Ned Nuckledd, and Gee Eee Dee is YOUR twin.
 
Ned : Yup and nope. I'm Ned, sure enough, but my cologne GED's name is pre-nounced GED.
 
Bull : (to both) Alright. Yous two get out and don't leave town. 
 
Pons : So we're free to go?
 
The inspector simply stares at Pons until he gets the message, nudges Ned, and they leave. 
 
Bull : (on the intercom) Weirdo!  I'm clearin' these two.  Nuckledd's clone is missin; I have to suspect he knows a lot about who killed these people, but, even then, he would have to be crazy as a dung-eatin' dog to kill like that.
 
Lt. D'weir: Got it, Inspector. Kick the two. What about Felix Fine and the other clone?
 
Bull : What about 'em?
 
Lt. D'weir: Got it.
 
D'weir steps over to a room with LorDee, Betty, and Abecedari Ann sitting at a table. He closes the door 
 
Lt. D'weir: Which one of you killed these people?
 
Betty: It was me.
 
D'weir's phone rang at that moment. 
 
Lt. D'weir: Master of the Universe.
 
Chin : This is Sergeant Chin. Is that how you answer your phone, Lieutenant?
 
Lt. D'weir: Is it me speaking? 
 
Chin : Okay, Dan. Look, we have a man here who says he was bitten by a demon who looked like one of the campaign workers. Someone named Jed.
 
Lt. D'weir: Is he manageable, Linda?
 
Chin : Killigan has him.
 
Lt. D'weir: Send them up with four coffees. 
 
Chin : Got it.
 
D'weir's turns back to Betty. 
 
Lt. D'weir: Tell me how you killed these people.
 
To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 26
Scene at a Third Party 26

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lori = Fox's girlfriend
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Sgt Linda Chin = desk sergeant
Patrolman Willy Killigan = beat cop
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,  Loralie DeSilva, Ned, Betty Biggins, Pons, Skar, Fox and Felix Fine, and Abecedari Ann were being detained at police headquarters as suspects in the murders of both Zora Abebe and Abracada Brah. MauMau was treated for a head wound and transported to police headquarters. Pons and Ned have been cleared, Skar and Felix Fine are behind bars, and Betty has seemingly confessed to murder.

The scene opens in the homicide office, where Lt. D'weir is receiving MauMau and four coffees.   
 
Chin : (speaking to Lt D'weir) Lieutenant, this man is named MauMau and he has a story to tell that may affect your case. 
 
MauMau:  (frantically) I was bitten by a ghoul! A monster! A demon! 

Lt. D'weir: (grinning) Was he bitten, or does that bandage cover up your police work, Killer?

Killigan  : The doc at the urgent care said it was a open bite wound. 

Chin : MauMau says the demon is GED. Then he said GED is a clone of --
 
Lt. D'weir: Nuckledd!

Killigan  : (looking at MauMau and then D'weir)  Yeah, for sure, but he does have a big bite out of his face.
 
Chin : He means one of the suspects, Willy. One of them is Ned Nuckledd.
 
Killigan  : Oh, okay, 'cause I thought he meant --
 
Lt. D'weir:  Bring the big guy in and set him next to Bull's office. Stay with him Officer Killigan. 
 
Meanwhile, Inspector Schlitz, who had switched out with Lt. D'weir, sits across a table from LorDee, Betty, and Abecedari Ann.
 
Bull : (to Betty) Lt. D'weir says you confessed to the murders, Ms - uh - Bigguns. 
 
Betty: Biggins, sir. Betty Biggins. 
 
Bull : (to the others) Yous two agree?
 
AA : I am shocked and can't imagine Betty hurting anyone, let alone what has happened here.
 
LorDee : All I know is that my plans to become the President of the United States have been drastically affected by these murders. 
 
Bull : Do yous think Peggy Pigskins here is tellin' the truth that she mutilated the victims? 
 
AA : Her name is Betty, Inspector.
 
Bull : That wasn't my question.
 
AA : No. There is no way.
 
LorDee : My plans have been drastically affected.
 
Bull turns to Betty.
 
Bull : How did you kill Abrabanana?
 
Betty: Who?
 
AA : He means Abracada Brah.
 
LorDee : ... drastically affected.
 
Bull : Miss Biggins, how did you kill Abracada Brah?
 
Betty: I tore open his skull and ate his brains.
 
Bull : What's that like?
 
Betty: Eating brains?
 
Bull : No. What's it like tearing open a man's skull?
 
Betty lowered her head and began crying.
 
Bull : Why would you lie about killing someone?
 
Betty: (staring out into nowhere) I should be punished.
 
Bull stands up and leaves the room. 
 
Bull : Weirdo, where's that coffee?
 
Lt. D'weir: I left two with MauMau sitting by your office door.
 
Bull walks to his door to find MauMau with only one styrofoam coffee cup.
 
Bull : (speaking to MauMau) Is that my coffee?
 
MauMau:  No, I already drank yours. This one is mine.
 
Bull : (steps into his office and uses the intercom)  Weirdo! Get me a coffee; turn those people in the conference room loose, except for Peggy Pigeon. She and Chairman Mao here need to see the inhouse shrink. Send someone to collect Ned Not-so-bright and put out an APB on Jed the clone. 
 
Lt. D'weir: On it, Inspector.
 
Meanwhile, out on the steps of police headquarters, Fox Fine meets his girlfriend Lori.
 
Fox : Thanks for meeting me here.
 
Lori: You have a case? What's it pay? Who's the client? 
 
Fox : We will start looking for a guy known as General Equivalency Dude. 
 
Lori: The clone?
 
Fox : You know this guy?
 
Lori: He came from the same place that -- ah -- nevermind.
 
Fox :  Same place as what? 
 
Lori: I have a big mouth. 
 
Fox : Same place as what? 
 
Lori: The same place Felix got his clone. 
 
Fox : Felix? Felix doesn't have a clo--
 
Lori: Take it easy, Fox.  
 
Fox : Felix has a clone -- it's me.
 
 
 
 To be continued...
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 27
Scene at a Third Party 27

By Bill Schott

LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful

Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)

Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker

Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash

MauMau= media coordinator

Betty: = campaign manager

AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate

Fox Fine: Detective

Felix Fine: Detective

Lori = Fox's girlfriend

Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter

Sven Ghali: Psychologist

Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector

Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator

Sgt Linda Chin = desk sergeant

Patrolman Willy Killigan = beat cop

-------------------------------------------------------

Previously,  Loralie DeSilva, Ned, Pons, Fox Fine, and Abecedari Ann were cleared and released by police as suspects in the murders of both Zora Abebe and Abracada Brah. Betty Biggins and MauMau will see a psychologist for different reasons. Skar and Felix Fine are behind bars, and Fox Fine has learned he is a clone.

The scene opens in the homicide office where Inspector Schlitz and Lt. D'weir discuss the state of the investigation along with Sergeant Chin. 

Chin : I am totally confused and could use some filling in. 

Lt. D'weir: (grinning) I have a funny response to that statement. 

Chin : Funny, or career ending? 

Lt. D'weir: (still grinning) Let me catch you up.

Bull : This should be funny. 

Lt. D'weir: Loralie DeSilva and Zora Abebe were both trying to establish a third party to run for President. Eventually Abebe capitulated to DeSilva and joined her campaign. Somehow Ned Nuckledd was asked to run as VP. His clone, GED, was also asked to be a worker. 

Chin : This is the missing guy? The one MauMau said was a demon.

Lt. D'weir: Makes you want to sell off your clone stock; right?

Bull : Proceed, Weirdo. 

Lt. D'weir: LorDee, as DeSilva is known, has a campaign manager, Betty Biggins, and a poet laureate, Abecedari Ann. 

Bull :I've got Betty Boop and BowWow talkin' to Doc Geewhiz.

Chin : Doc Geewhiz?

Lt. D'weir:  Doctor Ghali. You know -- Golly.

Chin : The psychiatrist?

Lt. D'weir:  Psychologist.

Chin : Okay, so he's not the hot dog vendor.

Lt. D'weir: (grinning) I have a funny response to THAT statement. 

Chin : (shaking her head slowly) Can we go on?

Bull :Yes, for Pete's sake, Weirdo; chase skirts on your own time. 

Lt. D'weir: So, MauMau and Abracada Brah worked for Zora Abebe. Two of them are homicide victims and the third is a survivor of an attack from, if MauMau is to be believed, Ned Nuckledd's clone, GED.  

Chin : Who is currently the subject of an all-points-bulletin. 

Lt. D'weir: The rest are Pons Maninoff, his clone Skar, the twin detective cousins Fox and Felix Fine, and, I guess, Lowell Wrent. 

Chin : The Fox News reporter?

Meanwhile, in the office of Dr. Sven Ghali...

Lowell:  Thanks for this access, Sven. 

Sven:  No sweat, Lowell. We Yale grads need to stick up for each other. 

Lowell:  Right - ha ha ha - you bet. It was child's play hacking the Yale archives and getting us both doctorates. 

Sven:  Okay, so today you are Dr. Wrent and we are going to be be talking to both Betty Biggins and, later, MauMau. 

Lowell:  I'll need to wear a disguise. I have met both of these people. 

Sven:  Here's a pair of glasses with a fake nose and mustache attached. 

Lowell:  Do you have a hat I can wear?

Sven:  You can wear my orange derby from Hed's Hat-n-Hand. 

Lowell:  Niiiiice!

 To be continued...

Author Notes Image from Google.


Chapter 28
Scene at a Third Party 28

By Bill Schott


MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Sven = Ghali: Psychologist
DED
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,  police released everyone except Skar and Felix Fine, who are being held at Inspector Schlitz' order.  MauMau and Betty are to be interviewed by the psychologist Sven Ghali and the Fox News reporter Lowell Wrent. 

The scene opens in office the psychologist Dr. Sven Ghali. Reporter Lowell Wrent, disguised as another doctor, sits with Sven Ghali across from Betty Biggins and MauMau.
 
 
Sven : I am so very glad we could all sit down and talk a bit today.
 
MauMau : Am I being interrogated? Why is she here. Who's that guy? 
 
Lowell : (employing pidgin German with a bad accent) Ich bien DOKtorr Jeckell.

Betty: Dr. Jeckell? Like Jeckell and Hyde?
 
Lowell : Nein, nein. I work alone.
 
Suddenly, the wall opens and DED steps into the room, unseen by anyone -- except Betty. 

Betty: (startled) Who are you!
 
Sven : I am Dr. Ghali, Betty. This is Dr. -eh- Jeckell, and you know MauMau.
 
MauMau : Am I being interrogated? Why is she here. Who's that guy?  Who the Sam Hill is Betty talking to?
 
Sven : No, MauMau, this is a screening for you both. I am not sure to whom Betty thinks she is talking. 
 
DED : I am here for these three people, Betty.
 
Betty: Huh?
 
Lowell Wrent, Sven Ghali, and MauMau silently stand and walk past DED and out through the opened wall. 
 
Betty: What is happening?
 
DED: Betty, I feel that Ned would like to get to know you better. You were scheduled to expire today, but I have decided to remove these three in your stead. 
 
Betty: Huh? 
 
DED: You will not remember this moment or anyone in this room. Leave and find your boss and Ned. 

Betty: Who are you?
 
DED : Today, I am deus ex machina, Betty. Nice to meet you. Goodbye. 
 
DED leaves through the closing wall. 
 
Betty: Goo --
 
After looking around the empty room, she leaves. 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 29
Scene at a Third Party 29

By Bill Schott

Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED = clone who was dead then a zombie now dead again
Betty: = campaign manager
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
Sgt Linda Chin = desk sergeant
Patrolman Willy Killigan = beat cop
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
-------------------------------------------------------
Previously,  everyone was sent home except Betty , who has confessed to killing everyone. No one thinks that's true, so she was sent for psychological review and sent back. Ned was released but came back to see how Betty was doing. 

The scene opens at the police sergeant's desk with Sergeant Linda Chin, where she is speaking with Patrolman Willy Killigan.   
 
Chin : I hear you're seeing the PA from uptown.
 
Killigan :  She gets me.

Chin : So she laughed at your penguin joke.

Killigan : Yes, but she understood it.

Chin : It must be a different joke then. 

Killigan : No, she just understands the existentialist messaging. 
 
Chin : Tell it to me again.
 
Killigan : Two penguins were sitting  in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Pass me the soap."  The other one says, "What do I look like -- a radio?"
 
Chin : She gets that?
 
Killigan : No, she gets me.
 
Chin : See ya, Killer.
 
Officer Killigan departs, as Detective D'weir approaches.
 
Lt. D'weir: Why Sergeant Chin, how are you?
 
Chin : You seem cheery. 
 
Lt. D'weir: Bull has decided that this GED character is the killer and at large. 
 
Chin : There's already an APB out on him. What about the girl, Betty? She nuts?
 
Lt. D'weir: Inconclusive, so Bull is going to kick her too. 
 
Chin : What about the two in lock up; Felix Fine and Oscar Kilo or I think they call him Skar?
 
Lt. D'weir: Kick 'em all. We're concentrating on the clone. What that means is that the entire clone community will be under investigation. That includes this Skar dude. 
 
Chin : There's a community?
 
Lt. D'weir: I have seen one, talked to one, and I am on my way to Clones-R-Us right now to learn more. 
 
Chin : I would go with you, but then who would mind the desk?
 
Lt. D'weir: Who mines it when we're canoodling in the back? 
 
Chin : I put my [Back in a minute] sign out. 
 
Lt. D'weir: We have been back there a few times and all were quite a bit longer than a minute. 
 
Chin : Your point?
 
Lt. D'weir: Right; let's go. 
 
The sergeant and detective leave as Ned walks in and sees Betty wandering in from another direction.
 
Ned : Hey, hey, Betty! How are ya?
 
Betty: Oh, Ned. I am a bit confused.
 
Ned : Y'know, when I gets confusided, which is either never er a awful lot, I jis do the states. 
 
Betty: The states?
 
Ned : Yeah. Pons taught me ta amember the states a these United States in ABC order. Then, when I gets loose in the head, I jis say 'em.
 
Betty: Oh?
 
Ned : Yup. Wanna try it?
 
Betty: Okay.
 
Ned : Now the first four all bestarts wit A. 
 
Betty: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas. 
 
Ned : I cain't never think a the one what bestarts wit B, so I go ta C.
 
Betty: (smiling) Good idea, Ned.
 
Ned : Californee. Cool-a-raddo, Connect-a cut
 
Betty: Delaware? 
 
Ned : Yup. There's jis one D one, and there ain't no Eees.
 
Betty: Florida?
 
Ned : Yup, and then Georgia.
 
Betty: Hawaii?
 
Ned : Yessir, yer good at this, Betty. 
 
Betty: I feel better too, Ned.
 
Ned : Wanna do more, er are ya deconfusided? 
 
Betty: More, Ned. Let's do more. 
 
Meanwhile, at Clones-R-Us.
 
Lt. D'weir: So, Mister O'deklas, what do you know about the clone involved in the recent grisly brain-eaten murders?
 
Hed :  Down at the old Big Boy place?
 
Chin : Yes, unless you know of some grisly brain-eaten murders somewhere else.
 
Hed :  I cannot discuss my clients' business.
 
Chin : So General Equivalency Dude is your client.
 
Lt. D'weir: Where's he hiding, O'deklas? 
 
Hed :  I have no idea, really.  Just in case you attain a warrant though, I want you to know I have another GED in the back.
 
Chin : Another GED!?
 
Both officers pull their weapons. 
 
Lt. D'weir: Take us to him -- NOW!
 
The three walk into another room where GED is sitting at a table with wires attached to his head.
 
Hed :  (to the clone) Hi, GED.
 
GED : (he gives a parade wave and speaks softly)  Hello.
 
 
 
To be continued...

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 30
Scene at a Third Party 30

By Bill Schott

Cast:
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential 
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
Ned Nuckledd = campaign worker
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate

 
The battle will go on with the third party candidate,  readying herself for the 2024 Presidential debate. She will have with her both MauMau and Betty as campaign leaders, as well as her vice president, Oscar Kilo.
 
LorDee: I am so very happy to have all the rest of the drama behind us.

Skar:  Right. I won't even mention it as it might put an empty barrel in readers' minds.

Pons: Readers?
 
Ned : Them's folks what reads things, Pons.

MauMau: I have abandoned reading and now take in all my new information through Fox News.
 
Betty :  That explains a lot.

AA: I feel a poem coming on.
 
LorDee: I want to concentrate today on scheduled visits, topics, and finances.

Skar:  We should visit Luigi's at lunch today.

Pons: She means associated with becoming president.
 
Ned : Like knowin' the states a these United States ah Ameriker.

MauMau:  I can state the states of the United States in alphabetical order.

Betty :  Ned and I practice that all the time. 

AA:  My poem will be about being the Poet Laureate.
 
LorDee:  Perhaps your poem could keep me as its style leader?

Skar: Don't forget her eye-candy vice president.
 
Pons: What is a poet laureate, AA?
 
Ned :  Wanna do the states, Betty?

MauMau: May I join?
 
Betty :  Perhaps Annie could make up an alphabet poem.

AA:  What was your question, Pons?  
 
LorDee: Perhaps -- the struggle to be the president?

Skar:  Hey, that's a great idea for -- The Lariat.   

Pons: Laureate.
 
Ned : The alphabet states starts off wit the first four states all bein' spelt wit A.

MauMau: Austin, Akron, Annapolis, and Albuquerque 
 
Betty :  Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas.

AA: What is a poet laureate? Was that your question, Pons?
 
LorDee: This meeting could be more organized, MauMau. Betty?

Skar:  So where are we on Luigi's?

Pons: There is no B state.
 
Ned :  Betty told me that Utah is a bee state.

MauMau:  Boston.

Betty :  California, Connecticut, Colorado. 

AA: A poet laureate writes poems about ---
 
LorDee:  The eventual president?
 
Skar:  The eventual meatball eater at -- ah -- Luigi's.

Pons: Delaware.
 
Ned : Ain't no E. I mean, there is a E, but no state what's got one.

MauMau:  Fargo.

Betty :  Florida.

AA:  The Presidency!!
 
LorDee: I like it so far.

Skar:  I wonder what it will be about. 

Pons: Georgia.
 
Ned : How-wa-hee. 

MauMau:  Did someone say Luigi's?

Betty :  LorDee's buying!

AA:  The Presidential Planning Party at Luigi's.
 
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 31
Scene at a Third Party 31

By Bill Schott

Cast:
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential 
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
Ned Nuckledd = campaign worker
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate

 
The scene opens in a back corner of Luigi's genuine Italian restaurant. The group is seated in a semicircle that begins with Lordee on left and all others going to the right.
 
LorDee: Does everyone have a wine glass?  I want to offer a toast.

Skar :  Everyone grab a wine glass so the boss can give a toast.

Pons : Which one is the wine glass?
 
Ned : I got one wit water and one with some kool-aid what has turned. 

MauMau: That bad one is wine, Ned, It is a test of nerve to endure its repulsive taste.
 
Betty :  LorDee is giving a toast!

AA : I feel a poem coming on.
 
LorDee: To all of us -- as we plot this historic drive to the White House.

Skar :  What did you say?

Pons : She mentioned a plot about driving a truck full of explosives to the White House.
 
Ned : Seems a bit early ta be shootin' off deplosives afore winnin' the predjudicy.

MauMau:  Oh, is this wine? I thought it came in a box.

Betty :  Only the top shelf brands, MauMau. 

AA :  My poem will be about being a wino in East Los Angeles.
 
LorDee:  May we lead our country to a new era in collabrative thinking and doing.

Skar : So, is this salad dressing the house brand or ranch?
 
Pons : What did LorDee say about a collapsible drinking station?
 
Ned :  What in the heck is a collectible whatever?

MauMau: So she collects wine? 
 
Betty :  My step-father collected wine -- in his stomach.

AA :  Was this wine? I thought it was grape juice. 
 
LorDee: We will lead from the front. Demanding justice and common sense at all times.

Skar :  Uh oh, I think the boss has had one too many.  

Pons : I think she is rendering her soul to us. 
 
Ned : That don't sound like somethin' I would wanna see.

MauMau: So, is she going to be sick?
 
Betty :  My second step-father collected wine as well. He used a gun and wore a mask.

AA : It is East L.A. in the morning. The misty dawn rises from the west today. Fish!
 
LorDee: Our boarders will be controled and the prisons thrown open. 

Skar :  Prisons opened?

Pons : I think she means metaphorically.
 
Ned :  Or she means she met a four-man car cleanin' crew.

MauMau:  What did she say about cleaning cars?

Betty :  I can think of better fund raisers.

AA : The fish are free on Friday at the levee headless fish farm.
 
LorDee:  Thank you all for being on the team.
 
Skar :  You are welcome, LorDee.

Pons : Of course. 
 
Ned : Acourse.

MauMau:  What did she say about cleaning cars?

Betty : I feel I'm talking too much. 

AA :  I may need to sit closer to the boss.
 
LorDee: Salute!

Skar :  Salute!

Pons : Salute!
 
Ned : Is that what they call this purple stuff?

MauMau:  Did we ever order?

Betty :  My third step-father was a politician.

AA :  It's great being on a team.
 
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 32
Scene at a Third Party 32

By Bill Schott

Cast:
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
Ned Nuckledd = campaign worker
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate


The scene opens in the alley behind Luigi's genuine Italian restaurant. The group is dispersed in smaller gatherings across the dirty path between buildings. LorDee, Betty, and AA are in the group on stage right. Skar, Pons, and Ned are on the opposite side. MauMau is alone between the two groups.

LorDee : Did we drink too much or did we take the back exit on purpose?

Betty  : Both A and B..

AA : I feel a poem coming on.

Ned : It's sure a good thin' that the owner let us sneak out the backway afore trouble wit a capital W showed up. 

Skar : I know I will regret asking, but -- capital W?
 
Ned : Wrong, Oscar. 

Pons : Well, of course. That is as plain as the burned out cigar snuffing nose on Smokey the Snowman's ash can face. 

MauMau: I think Pons drank from the big-boy bottle tonight.

LorDee : I think I want to have an affair with Maninoff.

Betty : Shhh. He'll hear you.

AA : I think WE are already an item.
 
LorDee : Shhh.  You'll hear me.

Betty : Are you drunk?

AA : Are you drunk, she asked, already knowing she was....

Ned : I think Annie is makin' up a poem. 

Pons : Where the buffalo roam?

Skar : And the pears and the cantaloupe play. 

MauMau: Are you fellows singing, or are these the sounds of the end days?
 
LorDee : Skar seems to remind me of Pons a lot.

Betty : You know, of course, that he is Pons' clone.
 
LorDee : Do they look that much alike though?
 
Betty : They are practically identical.

AA : Are you drunk, she asked, already knowing she was....

Ned : Annie is startin' ta repeat herself.

Skar : Said the local sprite to the visiting elf.

Pons : ...and the skies are knockaloudyalday.

MauMau: I guess I did drink the grape juice. 

LorDee : I'm imagining becoming a mother in the future.

Betty : You mean like The Mother of the Nation?
 
LorDee : I was considering just a girl and boy.

AA : The Mother of the Nation speaks...

Ned : ...callin' on her friends'n freaks.

Skar : ...airpits filled with last year's leeks.

Pons : Wait! Armpits full of leeks?

MauMau: How do I find myself in situations like this?

LorDee : Why are we outside again?

Betty : Fresh air, and fresh air.

AA : Aren't those two items the same thing?

Ned : I've bin list'n to the gals and they're talkin' about strange stuff.

Skar : ...we don't talk about strange enough...

Pons : Is it me, or are we speaking in rhyme -- ahh -- uff!

MauMau: Maybe I should run for President. 

LorDee : Let's go back inside for a nightcap.

Betty : I think Ned wants to ask me something important.

AA : He will say something like: Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.

Ned : I'm a wondrin if Betty would wanna grow old wit me. 

Skar : I'll bet she wants at least half of that. 

Pons : It's worth an ask, Cuz.

MauMau: I wonder if Betty would want to grow old with me. 

LorDee : Shoot! The door is locked.

Betty : I'm going to talk to Ned.

AA : Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?

Ned : What's a heaven fer?

Skar : I'll just say it: Robert Browning.

Pons : Why am I in an alley?

MauMau: Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.


To be continued...
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 33
Scene at a Third Party 33

By Bill Schott

Cast:
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
Ned Nuckledd = campaign worker
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
RFC (Radical Female Character)


The scene opens in the alley behind Luigi's genuine Italian restaurant where the noisemaking group has been arrested and are being loaded into a forty-foot White House Riot Ride. Each person in the group is strapped into a seat and all face inward in a rotating oval configuration 
They are placed boy-girl-boy-girl. LorDee, Skar, Betty, Pons, AA, Ned, a female passerby mistakenly grabbed, and MauMau.

LorDee : Line!
 
Stage Manager: At last! An arr --
 
LorDee : That's good. (clears her throat)  At last! An arrest that can qualify me for presidential stature.

Skar : Trying for your Trump cred?

Betty : We are all innocent bystanders.

Pons :That should prove our guilt.

AA : I feel a p --

Ned : (to RFC) What's yer nim, darlin'?

RFC: Well, of course. That is as plain as the burned out cigar snuffing nose on Smokey the Snowman's ash can face.

MauMau: I think Pons drank from the big-boy bottle tonight.

LorDee : I think I want to have an affair with Maninoff.

Skar: Shhh. He'll hear you.

Betty : I think WE are already an item.

LorDee : Shhh. You'll hear me.

Ned : Are you drunk?

Betty : Are you drunk, he asked, already knowing she was....

Pons : I think Annie is makin' up a poem.

Ned : Where the buffalo roam?

RFC : And the pears and the cantaloupe play.

MauMau: Are you fellows singing, or are these the sounds of the end days?

LorDee : Skar seems to remind me of Pons a lot.

Skar: You know, of course, that I am Pons' clone.

LorDee : Do they look that much alike though?

Skar : We are practically identical.

Betty : Are you drunk, she asked, already knowing she was....

Pons : Betty is starting to repeat herself.

RFC : Said the local sprite to the visiting elf.

Ned: ...and the skies are knockaloudyalday.

MauMau: I guess I did drink the grape juice.

LorDee : I'm imagining becoming a mother in the future.

Skar : You mean like The Mother of the Nation?

LorDee: I was considering just a girl and boy.

Betty : The Mother of the Nation speaks...

Pons : ...callin' on her friends'n freaks.

Ned : ...airpits filt wit last year's leeks.

RFC : Wait! Armpits full of leeks?

MauMau: How do I find myself in situations like this?

LorDee : Why are we outside again?

Skar : Fresh air, and fresh air.

Betty : Aren't those two items the same thing?

Ned: I've bin list'n to the gals and they're talkin' about strange stuff.

Pons: ...we don't talk about strange enough...

RFC : Is it me, or are we speaking in rhyme -- ahh -- uff!

MauMau: Maybe I should run for President.

LorDee : Let's go back inside for a nightcap.

Betty: I think Ned wants to ask me something important.

Pons: He will say something like: Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.

Ned: I'm a wondrin if Betty would wanna grow old wit me.

RFC: I'll bet she wants at least half of that.

Pons: It's worth an ask, Cuz.

MauMau: I wonder if Betty would want to grow old with me.

LorDee : Shoot! The door is locked.

Skar : I'm going to talk to Ned.

Betty : Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?

Pons : What's a heaven fer?

RFC: I'll just say it: Robert Browning.

Ned: Why'm I in an alley?

MauMau: Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.
 
LorDe : Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.
 
Skar: Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.
 
Betty :Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.
 
Pons : Someone suggested I should run for President. I agree.
 
Ned : Why'm I in an alley?
 
 :
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



To be continued...

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 34
Scene at a Third Party 34

By Bill Schott

The story has been through quite a journey so far and it has led to April and the real (okay...fake) dash for the Whitehouse.
I will present this list of characters, which includes all who have come and gone since September. Then, we will begin in earnest to run the Independent nominee for President of the United States of America.
 
Characters
Ned Nuckledd = began as a VP candidate and has wound up as a campaign staffer.
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist. 
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
GED  = (General Equivilency Dude, Ned's clone) taken by DED, returned as ZombieGED by DRed, GONE
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential nominee
Zora Abebe = Presidential nominee, GONE zombie victim
MauMau = media coordinator
AB  (Abracada Brah)  = Dirty Tricks Coordinator GONE zombie victim
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = Third Party Poet Laureate  Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
C2 (Campaign Aide 2)
C3 (Campaign Aide 3)
C4 (Campaign Aide 4)
C5 (Campaign Aide 5)
C6 (Campaign Aide 6)
Fox Fine: Detective called in to investigate murder
Felix Fine: Detective called in to tell fart jokes
Lori Lane: Fox's girlfriend
Lowell Wrent = Fox News distorter
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Sven Ghali: Psychologist
Even Ghali: Astrologer
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector inspecting two murders
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
PA = Physician Assistant 
Sgt Linda Chin = desk sergeant
Patrolman Willy Killigan = beat cop
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
DED = Angel of Death 
D-Red = Angel of Death for Insects and Pests
D-Zed = Angel of Death for Plants
RFC (Radical Female Character)


The scene opens with Oscar Kilo (Skar), centered and alone, sitting behind a long meeting table, facing the audience.  There is an older-looking landline to his right and a three foot monitor, facing downstage, on his left. Eventually, several people enter from both sides and sit on either side of him. 
 
Betty:  Greetings, Nedophiles, and welcome to this first gathering of the Independent Party,
RED, WHITE, and BLUE ... NED's RIGHT with YOU.  
 
Pons: I think we should change our groupie name. 
 
Skar:  Right! This sounds like pedophiles.
 
LorDee: I abdicated my position and let Ned run for president.
 
MauMau: I will lead him to certain victory.
 
AA:  I feel a poem coming on.
 
Betty: Try gargling.
 
Felix: Has anyone seen my brother Fox?
 
Lori:  He's at the clone store.
 
Felix: He's at the clone store?
 
Lori: Does anyone hear an echo?
 
Powell: I need to find my brother Lowell.
 
Even: I need to find my brother Sven.
 
RFC: You need to find your brothers and you'll find them in the end.
 
 
To be continued...
 
  
 
 
 


 

Author Notes Humble beginning, I know.


Chapter 35
Scene at a Third Party 35

By Bill Schott


Characters

Ned Nuckledd = presidential candidate Independent Party
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist. 
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
MauMau = media coordinator
AA  (Abecedari Ann)  = Third Party Poet Laureate  Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins: = campaign manager Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
C2(Campaign Aide 2)
C3(Campaign Aide 3)
C4(Campaign Aide 4)
C5(Campaign Aide 5)
C6 (Campaign Aide 6)
RFC (Radical Female Character)


The scene opens with Ned standing to the right side of a projection screen. On the screen is a slideshow projected from an old projecter ring. There are a dozen empty seats facing him while Pons and a Radical Female Character stand off to the left. Betty and AA stand off to the right. 

Betty:  (to AA)  Ned looks so confident and presidential.
 
AA :  (to Betty) Who is that whore standing over there with Pons?
 
Betty: That is some woman who showed up here the other day and has not been shown the door.
 
AA:  Well, I'll show her the door and open it with her face. 

Pons : (to RFC)  So, where do I know you from -- uh -- 

RFC:  (snaps her fingers)  I am someone you trust and with whom you would share all your secrets. 

Pons :  Of course. I am afraid I have forgotten your name, though. 

RFC:   Lira Mentirosa.
 
Ned:  (narrating the slideshow) Now this here is win I were jis a wee feller wit my Pap's boots on and no pants.
 
Skar and MauMau step up behind Ned

Skar: I see you were just a toddler, Nedster, but it is probably inappropriate to be flashing folks on your slides. 

MauMau:   Is that a tattoo you have on your belly, Mr. Nutterbutter?

Skar: His name is Nuckledd, Mojo.

MauMau:   My name is Ma--

Ned:  That ain't no tattoo, MooMoo. Pap shot me wit a derringer win we was playin' fast draw.
 
MauMau:   What were you drawing?
 
Ned:  I brung a water pistol. Now here I am rasslin' with a cabbage Patch Kid.
 
Skar: Who's winning?

RFC: So far it looks like Biden or Trump.
 
AA:  (to Betty) Where did you find these old slides?
 
Betty: I rented them from the local Blockbuster.
 
AA:  That makes no sense for many reasons. 
 
Betty: Okay, I lied. What gave me away?
 
AA:  Blockbuster went out of business ten years ago. Even then, why would they have Ned's baby pictures?
 
Betty: Do you think the two are connected?
 
AA:  I feel a poem coming on.
 
A half dozen campaign aides shuffle in from the left.
 
C1: We are here to move the chairs around and set up for the speech.
 
C2:  Sa Ned Ned Bo Bed con better peoples reach.

C3: We are here to move the mikes and speakers and the stands.
 
C4: So Ready Neddy can be heard and people understand
 
C5:  I don't get it. Are we here to ramble out a poem?

C6:  It don't matter; we're off the clock. Time to shuffle home. 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 36
Scene at a Third Party 36

By Bill Schott

 
Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabal Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner


The scene opens with three men standing behind podiums on the the left, right, and center of the scene.  Centered is the curent president, with Ned on his left and Ron Rump on the right. MauMau, RFC, and Swan Ham-n-cheese sit before them to run the debate.
 
Swan: Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first debate between the three party nominees for president. 
 
MauMau: There will be Ned Nuckledd, the POTUS, and the Rump University Prez.
 
RFC: Excuse me - uh - MooMoo, is it? You need a shower, dude.
 
Swan:  As MooMoo said, we will be coordinating the debate between the incumbent, the former president, and the representative from the independent party.
 
MauMau: My name is MawMaw.
 
RFC: Excuse me, Mama - or pew pew.
 
Swan:  I will ask the first question. President Rump, what will be your first objective when you are returned to the position that was stolen from you?
 
Ron:  I will cancel all of the witch hunts, reimburse my personal coffers from the U.S. Treasury, and have all non-MAHA (Make America Huge Again) politicians investigated, prosecuted, convicted, and jailed.
 
MauMau: I would like to know what your presidency will mean to the common man?
 
Ned: I s'pect a whole lot.
 
Ron:  (speaking to Ned) You look like a reject from a reject factory.
 
MauMau: Just answer questions, Dip-roid, or I'll shake you like a rag doll. 
 
Ron: You don't talk to your President like that, BooBoo.
 
Job: Could someone ask me a question?
 
Ned: Do ya know win the waffah house opens? 
 
RFC: My question for President ByThen has to do with his age. You are approximately four times older than Ned. How does that make you feel?
 
Ned:  I jis hope I'm as peppy as the predsodent is now.
 
RFC: I am talking to the president, Mr. Nuckledd. 
 
Ned:  Oh, I ain't the predsodent yet, Missy. 
 
Ron: Well, I am the President still, and everybody knows it. 
 
Job:  Well, I don't know it!
 
Ned: I'm purdy sure you ain't the predsodent right now, Ronnie. 
 
Swan: This debate is going very slowly gentlemen. Let me ask you all to respond to one question at a time. 
 
MauMau: It should be about the economy, foreign affairs, government interference, or the democracy in general.
 
Ned: The waffah house hours'd be good ta know too. 
 
Swan: Mister ByThen, we will begin with you and then let the others chime in:
Will you be able to serve four more years as the President, if elected?
 
Ron: Sleepy Job will be lucky to live through this debate. 
 
Job: I plan to live through the week -- and beyond.
 
Ron: The GREAT beyond.
 
Ned: I plan ta finish the day and git me a good night's sleep. Tamara I'll do the same. 
 
MauMau: Mr. Nuckledd, what will you bring to the White House that isn't there now?
 
Ron: He'll bring his other pair of pants and a sack lunch. 
 
Ned: I'm hopin' ta be a fresh air breather. 
 
 
 
To be continued...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 37
Scene at a Third Party 37

By Bill Schott

 
Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabal Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner

The scene continues with Ned, President ByThen, and Ronald Rump prepared to have a presidential candidate debate. The three face downstage as three interviewers, Swan Ham-n-cheese, RFC, and MauMau face upstage.
A group of associates stand on each side of the scene speaking to each other about the proceedings.

Pons : (to Skar, his clone) I'm not sure this debate is going well. Ned seems to be rambling while the other two are representing the end of humanity.

Skar : (to Pons) Is that my tie?

Pons : No, but I'm sure this gravy stain is yours.

Skar : I sent it to the cleaners.

Pons : The space between the clothes hamper and the wall is not the drop-off for dry cleaning.

Skar : So, you only have the one tie?

Pons : It used to be all I needed.

Abecedari Ann leans in between the two squabblers.

AA:  You two look like a sideshow over here.

Skar: Do you like my tie?

AA: You are not wearing a tie.

Pons :  (clutching his tie) This is MY tie. 
 
AA: Okay, Pons. The tie is yours, man.

Pons : I'm sorry. Usually I can remain composed.
 
Betty Beggins sidles up next to Pons.
 
Betty:  Doesn't Ned look Presidential!
 
Skar: He's a Young Lincoln.

AA: I feel a poem coming on.

Pons : He's like Tom Sawyer and the others are the King and the Dauphin. 
 
Betty:  Do you mean the Tom Sawyer Tom Sawyer or the Huckleberry Finn Tom Sawyer?
 
Skar: Who's Tom Sawyer?

AA: Three men vie for the people's votes
         coining phrases and throating quotes
         spelling out their party's plans
         showing all their can'ts and cans. 

Pons : I wonder if Ned could get those other two to paint a fence?
 
Betty:  Did you say something about defense? 


To be continued....
 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 38
Scene at a Third Party 38

By Bill Schott

 
Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner

The scene continues with Ned, President ByThen, and Ronald Rump throwing verbal jabs and countering accusations.
 
Ron : I can't believe that these two are all I have to beat to be the president again. One is an idiot and the other one is Ned. 
 
Job : My name is President ByThen to you, Felonious Punk. 

Ned: Wonner who that idjet is he's atalkin' 'bout. 

Ron : I have been disrespected again and again by the enemies of the state, the press, and by this fascist imp Sleepy Job.

Job : There are plenty more including half of the prostitutes in New York City and all of the companies you have had a part in destroying or cheating. 

Ned: Wow! I gotta git ta workin' on my own fan base. 

Ron : I am the President now, and I have been the president since the turn of the century sometime. 

RFC speaks up from her hosting chair.
 
RFC: You were president from 2016 to 2020, Mr. Rump. 
 
Ron : I was born president, whoever you are. Why don't you get a job testing folding chairs? You have the hips for it. 

Job : That is so disrespectful. This good woman wants to be a professional. 

Ron: Well sure, but that means she will have to be either a secretary or a bimbo. 
 
Ned: She could be a mom if she wanted to -- or a aunt.
 
Ron : Sure -- she could be a mom and Ned here could be her baby boy. 
 
Ned: I a'ready gots me a mom.

Job : Speaking of Moms -- we need to reverse the decision on Roe v Wade. 

Ned: If it's row or wade, I'd say dog paddle. 
 
Ron : Listen to this moron. He doesn't know his butt from a butter churn. 

Job : My mother used to churn butter back on the farm.

Ned: My great aunt Crazy Hazie used ta churn well water ta make whiskey. 
 
Ron : Well sure, she was a nut like you. 

Job : Don't call the lad a nut; he could just be a MAGA mutt.

Ned: I dun know iffn my aunt Hazie was really crazy, but she sure did not know how ta churn whisky. 
 
Ron : You can't  churn whiskey from water, dummy.

Job : I believe it needs to be distilled by filthy hill folk. 

Ned: Paw used ta git a jug a mountain dew from my uncle Batty Natty.
 
Ron : So he was one of those filthy hill folk?
 
Ned: Oh no, he got soda pops from the county store and pourt'm inta a jug.  

Job : Maybe you are a nut.

Ned: No sir, I am a Nuckledd.
 
MauMau calls up.
 
MauMau : So Ned, how will you handle the problem of foreign incursion on the southern border?
 
Ron : He doesn't know. If you asked me I'd say lock them all up, draw them a map that points to the equator, then launch them on human-sized shirt cannons in that direction.

Job : I am not sure if Nuckledd knows anything, but I would teach all Americans the Spanish language.

Ned: For'n what?
 
Swan: President Rump, how do we deal with Russia, China, and NATO?
 
Ron : We need to adopt some government regulations from our  comrades in in the former USSR. Then learn the secrets of people power from China. NATO wants to ruin all that so let's give their money to the GOP. 
 
RFC: President ByThen, what do you say about that? 
 
Job : Rump wants to rule the world as a king, with his buddy Putin and his back-slapping pal Xi Jinping.
 
MauMau :  What do you think, Ned?
 
Ned: Maybe if Ron Rump would settle for bein' the vice predsodent he could jis do all his cheatin' and lyin' ta the kitchen folks and not have ta worry 'bout takin' the U.S.of A. inta a worse place than he left 'er.
 
Ron : You are the worst candidate in the world. You make BooBoo ByThen look like a qualified dummy. 

Job : I am qualified, Jailbird.

Ned: MAGA Molly might jis win and be the first gal predsodent.
 
Swan: Everything you have said, including your name has been ridiculous!
 
RFC: Perhaps less ridiculous and closer to merely stupid. 
 
MauMau : Ned ain't merely stupid.
 
Ron : Obviously!

Job : Maybe I should let Cabala Harrassed become the president and run for that office. 

Ned: Now ya thinkin' predsodencial.
 
Swan: I want to remain detached and not seem biased towards the next president Ronald Rump.
 
RFC: As do I. Whoever wins the presidency should enjoy being the leader of our DEMOCRAT-see.
 
MauMau : Go Ned!
 
 


To be continued....

 

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 39
Scene at a Third Party 39

By Bill Schott


Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner

The scene continues on the sidelines with the staff and visitors chiming in on the debate with Ned, President ByThen, and Ronald Rump. 
 

Ron : Once I am back in the saddle, I am going to eliminate the practice of cloning people at a whim. 

Hed:  (calling from the crowd)   Why would you do such a thing?

Ned: Yeah! You ain't helpin' no one by 'liminatin' calonin'.

Ron : What about the debacle at your headquarters where your clone, Genocide Ambivolent Dude, ran amok killing people left and right. 

Betty : We have never heard of this person.

Ned: No we ain't. The only person what done anythin' like that was GED. 

Ron : That is probably who I'm talking about -- this Jed fellow.  
 
Ned: Well, GED ain't no killer. Now I ain't gonna talk 'bout that zombie what D-red, the Agent a Deaf fer bugs and such, brung from wherever he come. 

RFC speaks up from her hosting chair.

RFC: Did you say zombie? Did you say Agent of Death?

Ned: Fer bugs and such. 

Job : (speaking to Ned) Wait, young man! Are you saying that you had a murderer at your campaign headquarters? 

Felix: I can speak to that. 

Betty: (to Felix) No one is asking you, Flicks.

Ron : Let the fellow talk, Miss Biggins. Meanwhile, make sure Molly gets your phone number. 

Job : (speaking to Ron) Are you actually hitting on that woman?

Ron : They expect it. 

Ned: Did I hear what I thunk I heert? 

Ron : Did you hear "Ned, you're a loser!" Because that is what I heard.

Ned: Oh, okay then. I could a swore it was sumppin differ'nt. 
 
Job : What about the murder and zombie and Agent of Death?

Ned: -- a bugs and such.

Ron : Ned, you're a loser!  Wow, I heard it again.
 
Swan: It sounded like a majority of this capacity crowd, obviously drawn here to hear President Trump speak, is unable to control their opinion of the independent candidate.  

Job: Their opinion of the candidate ought to be decided by them, Mr. Ham-n-cheese, not your slanted and mostly deceptive commentary.
 
Pons:  (to Ned)  Pssst!  Ned! Change the subject and get it back on something else.
 
MauMau: Don't sweat it, Pons. I will get us back on track.

Ned: There anybody here knows anythin' 'bout unfusin' a bomb?
 
Everyone in the environment goes silent, then all say "What?!"


To be continued....

Author Notes Image from Google


Chapter 40
Scene at a Third Party 40

By Bill Schott

Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner

The scene continues as the debate with Ned, President ByThen, and Ronald Rump.  Others call in from the perimeter.

Even : (on the left side, speaking to Powell Wrent) The outcome of this election will be in the hands of the stars, Mr. Wrent.  You are Powell Wrent from CNN, right?

Powell : Yes, I am Powell Wrent and THIS is CNN.
 
Even : Well, this is actually --

Hed: (interrupting) Did you two hear what Rump said about eliminating cloning?

Powell : Did you wish to comment, Mr. --

Hed: O'deklas. Hed O'deklas.

Powell : (looking around) Am I being goofed? 

Even : It depends. Are you a Taurus? You feel a little lost? You want to move mountains and use all our energy and enthusiasm to try to do so.
 
Powell : That sounds a bit like me. 
 
Even : At the same time though, you feel that all efforts have been in vain.
 
Powell : Well, I --. 
 
Even : It pays to remember one of the hard facts of life - take nothing for granted. You shouldn't let that keep you from trying to make changes to things around you. Be vigilant.
 
Powell : The only thing is -- I'm not a Taurus. 

Hed: (interrupting) Clones! They want to make them illegal.
 
Swan : (shouting from the proctors' table) I hear you citizen!  The King and future King, Ronald Rump, will be shifting the guidance for the duplication of people from the federal government to the back alleys and skid row locations of each of the fabulous fifty states, where local prejudices can drive the ungodly practice back into the paperback science fiction books . 

Hed: The government has no restrictions or guidance now. This is overreach at its worst. 
 
Even : Not to worry, Mr. Oderkoless.

Hed: That is not my name.

Even : Are you sure? I am pretty sure your name is Oderkoless. At any rate, Ronald Rump is a Gemini. He has the natural ability to accomplish a great deal rather easily, but today he may feel snowed under with projects. Things around him might be moving quickly, and perhaps he's having difficulty dealing with it all. He will likely drop this rather small issue and concern himself with the further gating away of America from the world. 

Hed: Well, that's good news. 

Felix : (stepping in from the somewhere) What's going on here?! Is there a disturbance? I am Felix Fine, head of security.
 
MauMau :  (shouting from the proctors' table)  Hey! What is going on over there? Fox? Is that you, Fox? Hey look, Radical Female Character, it's Fox Fine. I heard on the wise-cracker line that he is a clone.

Felix : (mouth agape)  Who said he was a clone?

MauMau :  Oh, say there, Felix.  I don't remember exactly, but that little fella standing next to you could be a clone of the guy.

Felix looks to Hed O'deklas.

Hed: (sheepishly) Some people cannot keep a secret. 
 
Felix : Does Fox know?
 
Hed: He came to my place with his female companion.
 
Felix : Lois?
 
Hed: It could have been Cha Cha Gotmorr for all I know. 
 
Felix : Who's Cha Cha Gotmorr?
 
Hed: She's the sister of the dimwitted wife on Spleen Achers.
 
Felix : Oh yeah -- Iva Gotmorr.
 
Hed: Right. Also --
 
Felix : Wait! Stop! Does Fox know or not?
 
Hed: He did not hear it from me. 
 
Felix : Did he hear it from someone else?
 
Hed: Look. I'm just a hat and glove store operator. The cloning I do to make ends meet.  I am not a mind reader.
 
Felix : How can you run a hat store and clone people too?
 
Hed: Many clones make light work.
 
 
To be continued....
 

Author Notes Image from Google

Re-posted before latest scene.


Chapter 41
Scene at a Third Party-Last Week

By Bill Schott


Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP 
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner

This new scene begins on election night.  Ned Nuckledd, Vice-President Cabala Harrassed, and Ronald Rump all wait at their individual campaign headquarters making televised speeches.  The stage is divided into three parts, each occupied by either the Democrats, Republicans, or Write-In-Times.
 
(Stage Right/ Democrats section)

Powell : I am Powell Wrent and THIS is CNN.

Hed: (interrupting) Is Rump still planning on eliminating cloning?

Powell : That would be a question better answered by Mr. Rump, sir. Who are you?
 
Hed: Hed O'deklas.  Clones! They want to make them illegal.

Swan : (shouting from center stage and the Republicans)     I hear you citizen! What you think you know is wrong. The King and future King, Ronald Rump, will be shifting the guidance for the duplication of people from the federal government to the back alleys and skid row locations of each of the fabulous fifty states, where local prejudices can drive the ungodly practice back into the paperback science fiction books .

Hed : The government has no restrictions or guidance now. This is overreach at its worst.

Swan : Ronald Rump has the natural ability to accomplish a great deal rather easily, but he may feel snowed under with projects.  He will likely drop this rather small issue and concern himself with the further gating away of America from the world.

Hed : (walking out of the Democratic cell towards Swan Ham-n-cheese)  Well, that's good news.

Felix : (shout from Ned's space on stage left)  It's a lie!

MauMau : (stepping forward from upstage) Jetison your coolness, Flex!

Felix : Rump will send out repossession units to kidnap clones and reprogram them to vote conservatively.

Hed : (aghast) Monstrous!!

Felix : My brother is a clone.

Hed : Many are, Flex.

Powell : Back to me. I am still Powell Wrent and THIS is still CNN and this person is Cabala Harrassed, the vice-president of the United States of America. 
 
Cabala: Thank you, Mr. Wrent. First I'd like to say that I am not Job Bythen.
 
Ned: (from the other side of the stage)  Hey there, Mister Wrench! I ain't Job Bythen neither. 
 
Ron Rump: Did I hear Sleepy Joe? Oh no, he's out to pasture. Ca-BA-la will be losing here today. 
 
Cabala: Shut it, GrandPappy! That was Ned "Knucklehead" the write in candidate. 
 
Ned: Pardoan there, Missy. You mist-announced my name a bit. 
 
Ron Rump:   Somebody show that goober the exit.
 
Ned: Not ta worry, Mr. Rump. I seen the exit door over there next ta that empty Toys-fer-Tots barrell and Blank-Checks-fer-Rump Wishing Well. 
 
Powell: Well, listen people. I would like to interview someone before the election makes all of this anticlimatic. 
 
Pons: (leaning in to Powell's microphone) I suggest we have a three man debate right here, right now. 
 
RFC: Look, I'm a woman, but I'll debate.
 
Cabala: I'm certain he meant that suggestion as a three-person debate.
 
Ned: Hey, hey! I'm a person, so I would surely like bein' in that there bedate.
 
Betty: My candidate will certainly be invited and participate in any function which allows the people to compare the merits of the candidates. 
 
AA:  I wrote a poem about it.
             
I want to hear them argue --
the pinkos, hawks, and indies,
about how they are different,
and not just big bag windies.
 
C1:  The debate will occur right after this brief pause.
 
 
To be continued...
 

Author Notes The closing in on the end of the election.

One of thousands of stories, poems and books available online at FanStory.com

You've read it - now go back to FanStory.com to comment on each chapter and show your thanks to the author!



© Copyright 2015 Bill Schott All rights reserved.
Bill Schott has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement