By Karen Cherry
Smile every chance you get, they're contagious.
Put the toilet seat down. The toilet is used three times sitting down, for each time standing up.
If you use something up replace it.
Give compliments and kind words as often as you can, they help people feel good.
When you make a mess, clean it up.
Don't borrow without permission. You ask the owner, not anyone else.
Each day is a new chance to help others and make the world a better place.
Don't take the elevator if you can take the stairs, it is good exercise and you save fuel.
If you open it, shut it.
Always flush, sometimes twice.
Drink a gallon of liquid a day.
Re-use, Re-make, Recycle.
| Author Notes | There will be more. You have been warned! |
By Karen Cherry
Laugh out loud with your whole face as often as you can.
Forgive yourself, God does.
Forgive others, don't carry that load around, it will weigh you down.
Use sunscreen to avoid as many wrinkles as you can.
Take a multivitamin every day. Just in case.
If you have a family get life insurance.
They will need it.
No one is responsible for your life but you.
If you live alone, find something to take care of, even if it is only a plant.
Dance like no one is watching. All the time. It is good exercise, and it improves your mood.
Give thanks, often.
Brush your teeth and floss, at least once a day. And my mother's number one rule......................
Always wear good clean underwear in public, you never know when you will be in an accident.
| Author Notes | More to come. If you have some send them along, I may not have them. |
By Karen Cherry
Start your day with a nice mantra, a song, or a joke. Something to make you smile. Make a face in the mirror if you need to. Studies prove this works to boost your I.Q.
Eat your vegetables at every meal.
Potato chips do not count ( unless they are dill-flavored).
When you can help others do so.
You will get as much or more from it as they do.
Ignore those who put you down. The only person's approval you need is your own.
Do things manually whenever you can. Leaf blowers should be destroyed, use a broom.
If you haven't used something in six months (unless it is a keepsake) donate it or sell it. It makes less for you to dust.
Think about someone in your life, and send them kind thoughts, good wishes, or prayers. They add up.
Support small businesses whenever you can. They are the backbone of the world.
Give up all high fructose corn syrup.
Whatever you learn in this life, that can help others, pass it on.
You are not as fat as you think.
Be nice to your brothers and sisters, you never know when you might need a kidney.
| Author Notes | I have no idea how I came up with most of this stuff. I am old, and I have read a lot. There are no more original thoughts. Think about that! |
By Karen Cherry
Write a will. You don't want your cousin Fred with the twelve cats, getting your bone china.
When the weather is cool, open the windows if you can and turn off the a/c. Use fans more.
When you can afford it buy organic and sustainable products, Help the earth.
Find ways to calm yourself. Anger sucks your life away. Ride a bike, walk with a friend, watch the "Flintstones", meditate.
Respect time, it heals most things.
If you live with family or friends, pick one day a week you all have to slow down and make a meal together. Take turns being in charge. It will give you time to catch up, swap stories, slow down your hectic life. Bond.
Don't compare yourself to others, compete with yourself to better yourself.
Get a second, and maybe even a third doctor's opinion. When something is important. Don't leave your care up for grabs. You are important. Be careful.
Collect experiences, not belongings.
Spread joy around, it grows.
If you have any space grow herbs or vegetables. Pots on a windowsill. Hanging baskets. Plants make oxygen.
Wear funny T-shirts, cartoon underwear, goofy socks, and mismatched earrings. Humorous bumper stickers. My old one said, "I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you!" It had a picture of a turtle. Be silly even if you are the only one that knows it. It will give you smiles.
Just so you know, I am typing this in my Dr. Suess Christmas Grinch Pajamas.
| Author Notes | I got stuff from anywhere and everywhere, Some from my own brain. But they have been said in many ways for a long time. Some folks on here have sent some my way. You can too. |
By Karen Cherry
Cherish this life, this body you have won't last forever.
Pay attention to the aches and pains. Make corrections.
Your body is a vessel. If you do not take care of the working parts, they will stop working. Be smarter.
If you take it out, put it up, cleaned.
When you are in a loving relationship, have sex at least once a week. It burns a lot of calories if you do it right.
Get the "Kama Sutra", it was written over 2,000 years ago, and it is about a lot more than just sexual positions.
Every once in a while (when I was more limber) we would try new ones, and if we couldn't do them, we would be laughing our asses off anyway. Some, I swear were not made for humans. If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong. Get a book. With drawings, not pictures. And guys, do not believe what you read in Playboy, or see in X-rated films. That is not reality. And ladies, do not expect sex to solve your problems. It can quite often cause more. Problems in the bedroom do not go away on their own. And, if the two of you don't care about fixing it, then the problem isn't sex. ( I am climbing off the soapbox now).
Sing as often as you can, as loud as you can, you might want to shut the windows.It's good for your lungs, and your mood, and if friends and family join in it's therapy!
Unless you are truly hideous and make children cry when you walk by or have been in an accident, don't get any plastic surgery. If someone who is supposed to love you tries to get you to do it, then it isn't you they love, is it?
Besides stuff shifts and moves as you get older. You could end up with a boob under an armpit. Or your nose sitting on your cheek. Your skin gets thinner and thinner with each attempt. Avoid it if you can.
Be someone's Angel. Help. Give money. Babysit. Bring food. Cook them a meal. Call them once a week to check on them. Run errands for them. Take them out to eat.
Bring flowers, but, ask your neighbor before you cut them.
Can't never could.
Plant a tree every year. Or donate to groups that do.
Reduce your carbon footprint.
Call your family or email them once a week. Put it on your calendar if you need to.
Never eat anything but cookie crumbles, not cookies.
This is because as anyone with any sense knows, when a cookie breaks, all the calories fall out!
Common sense is a lot like deodorant. The ones that need it the most, never use it.
* * *
| Author Notes | I get my ideas from my big old brain, Books, TV. Movies, magazines, you guys, everywhere. This picture came from Pinterest. |
By Karen Cherry
Never have more house than you need. If you live alone, a three-bedroom is more than most folks need. Less to keep cool and heat. Less to clean. Less to maintain. Some folks love space and can afford it.
Look both ways before you cross the street. Only cross on the green.
Bake or broil instead of fry whenever you can. Less clean up. Less calories. But go ahead and eat that fried chicken from time to time. Fried catfish, deep-fried just right, is not greasy and is good for you. And BBQ is good for you, especially ribs.
When you need help and help is offered, say yes and thank you. It is hard for a lot of people to accept help. It was hard for me. But needs must. And always thank them a bunch.
Say prayers, talk to the universe, chant, or meditate every day. But remember, although God always answers, sometimes the answer is no.
Keep your old love letters, the good mushy ones. Keep good cards. I have got some really good ones. My mood always improves when I look at those.
Write, draw, doodle, paint or sculpt, or create or invent something, or a little bit of something every day. For at least 15 minutes just for you. Even if it is just daydreaming. It feeds your soul.
Never pick your nose in public. Someone is always watching!
Do not salt and pepper your food before you taste it. You do not know if you are creating a salt lick. "Roebuck," of "Sears and Roebuck," always took someone he was thinking about hiring to dinner to watch how he ate first. If a person salted or peppered before first taking a bite, he never hired them. He said they either had a set mind or they were lazy. Neither one was a quality he found any need to pay for.
After someone says you are welcome, there is no need for further reply.
Guys, please wipe well before you pull up your tighty whities, or you will wear a reminder all day.
| Author Notes |
This may be my favorite one so far. Picture from Pinterest.
Got any nuggets? |
By Karen Cherry
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| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Got any old sayings to pass along? |
By Karen Cherry
Whispered confidences are the most important ones, especially when you are young.
The person who makes the phone call is the one who should end it. Otherwise, it would be quite rude.
Someday, the right person will come along. Their broken or missing parts will fit together with your broken or missing parts, and together, you will be made whole.
Without open and flowing communication, you cannot sustain a relationship.
Chew with your mouth shut. Do not talk with food in your mouth. ( this one was specifically requested.)
If what is before you scares you, and what is behind you holds you back, Look up!
Everything is temporary: a bad relationship, a bad job, a hurt feeling, a bad decision. Very few things are permanent. We constantly have chances to do things better.
And, if you think that you alone are too small to ever make change for the better on your own, think about a spider and the intricate webs they make.
Sexiness can wear thin after a while. Money can go away faster than a man's hairline. Good looks can fade and disappear. But a good disposition and someone who can make you laugh are character traits that last the long haul.
"Old" is when you give up.
Do one thing a month that scares you a little or that you have never done. If you are single, go up to a nice-looking stranger and offer to buy them a drink and have a conversation. Try karaoke. Fly a kite ( wait for a windy day). Try new food. Learn to swim or learn Spanish. Stretch yourself.
And……
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Got any wisdom of your own to share? |
By Karen Cherry
Secrets both big and small can sour any relationship.
Silence is golden. Unless you have small children.
Then it is worrisome.
Make changes in your life, not excuses why you can't.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.
Have self-esteem, not self-pity.
Sometimes the very best thing you can do for someone is nothing.
I once played a computer at chess and it beat me.
We played kickboxing next, and I won.
When you talk you are repeating what someone else has said. When you are quiet and you listen you might hear something you can use later.
And no matter how old you become, never quit holding hands and telling each other how much you love them.
Being sorry changes nothing unless you yourself change.
I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile. But they insisted on cash.
And……
I heard a great joke about amnesia, but I forgot it.
| Author Notes | Picture by Pinterest. Got any goodies to share? |
By Karen Cherry
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Love without action is nothing.
Worrying and complaining never fixes or changes anything.
I used to have winter fat, but now, I have spring rolls.
Venting in written form can be very helpful. Outloud?
Not so much.
To err is human. To really foul something up requires a computer.
Choose your battles you can't fight them all.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
If you want your kids to listen to you, talk real quietly to someone else.
Trust first needs proof.
No matter how tight my wallet gets, I am still rich at the dollar store.
If you still think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.
And….
If, at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving!
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Got a good joke? |
By Karen Cherry
#1 Falling in love is easy, But staying in love
requires compromises & sacrifices from both
of you. You both have to agree to be happy
everyday. You have to be able to trust each
other to put you in the 1st position. That is
what you agreed to in the marriage
ceremony after all. Discuss everything with
each other first, before friends, relatives, and
strangers. When you let everyone into your
business the specialness disappears. Take
weekend getaways when you have children.
Keep your marriage foremost and fresh.
Have date nights. Remember who you love
and who loves you every day. Be in love
everyday.
#2 Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be bent out of shape.
#3 Use your turn signal. Correctly. Fingers are not an option.
#4 I don't care how old you are, or how important you think you are, pick up after yourself, and clean up after yourself.
#5 All who wander are not lost.
#6 Don't worry if you don't have things figured out, Most really smart people don't.
# 7 If you drop something, pick it up. If you see something on the floor That doesn't belong there, pick it up.
# 8 Don't read beauty, body, or fashion magazines or sites as they make you feel inferior, make you spend money on useless things, and never tell you how great you are.
#9 Don't laugh at other peoples mistakes, or if you do, at least cough or clear your throat to cover it up!
#10 Whenever you can afford it, travel. It opens your eyes. And it can give you experiences you will never forget. Never forget, experiences are worth more than things.
#11 Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, But, today is a gift. Why do you think it is called the present?
And………..
#12 Always remember you are unique. Just like everybody else.
* * *
| Author Notes | Pictures from Pinterest. Know a good quote? |
By Karen Cherry
Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: "It might have been".
As I have gotten older I've learned that trying to please everyone is impossible. However, pissing everyone off is a piece of cake!
Things change, friends move away, and life stops for nobody.
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
A heart may be broken, but it keeps on beating just the same.
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family,
Tears are the words we can't speak.
Being a success is not necessarily defined by what you have achieved, but by what you have overcome.
Most of the time, people are exactly where they are supposed to be.
Don't stop being a good person simply because you are around bad people.
Patience is what you have when there are too many witnesses.
And…………
Deja Poo: The feeling you have heard this crap before.
| Author Notes | Pictures from Pinterest. You favorite saying? |
By Karen Cherry
Here is a story about 4 people. Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was a very important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got very angry about that because it was Everybody's job to do it. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it. But Nobody realized that Everybody could do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Always respect your elders.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
It's always darkest before the dawn, so if you are going to steal your neighbor's paper, that is when you should do it.
Don't expect others to support you.
Maybe if we tell others the brain is an app they will use it more.
Nothing and nobody is required to give us what we want.
Hold the door for people.
FEAR has two meanings. Forget everything and run. Or: Face everything and rise!
Happiness often sneaks in the door you didn't know you left open.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away the day gets brighter.
And……….
I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it.
| Author Notes | Pictures from Pinterest. Heard any good ones? |
By Karen Cherry
I think a lot of people ask their kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
This too shall pass. Whatever it is may hurt like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
People don't cry because they are weak, they cry because they have been so strong for so long.
When small children become wild and unruly, use a playpen. When they calm down, you can climb out.
If you don't like yourself, change. Others may notice and find you interesting.
It's not easy being a Mom, if it were, more guys would do it.
When you have a list of stuff to do, do the hardest stuff first, so it gets easier and quicker and you get more confidence in yourself.
If you never yell at your kids, clearly, you are not spending enough time with them.
Adopt a section of a street or highway to keep it clean and beautiful. Go online to find out how.
Look before you leap, especially when the elevator has a sign on it.
Women marry a man hoping to change him, and men marry women hoping they will never change. Both are in for a shock.
And……………
People who think they know everything, are really annoying to those of us who do.
* * *
| Author Notes | Picture by Pinterest. What's your favorite joke? |
By Karen Cherry
When you protect yourself from being hurt by love, you close the doors too. You cannot love with half a heart. Love fully. Take the chance. Life is equal parts sorrow and joy. Embrace and celebrate the joy every single chance you get.
At my age, getting lucky means going into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Before you tell someone about an event think carefully. Is it true? Is it necessary to know? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it kind? Will it make them laugh or smile? If it is none of those things, don't talk.
Some cause happiness wherever they go, some, whenever they leave.
Education is not the learning of many facts. But of training the mind to think.
I could agree with you, but then, we would both be wrong.
Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.
I am not arguing with you, I am just explaining how you are wrong.
Always follow your heart, but bring your brain along.
Doing nothing is hard, how do you know when you're done?
If only common sense were more common.
And………
Oh course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
| Author Notes | Picture by Pinterest. Favorite Tv Show? Mine, I call a tie "I Love Lucy", and "The Carol Burnett Show". |
By Karen Cherry
Keep your promises. People remember. And if you can't, you owe them at the very least the reason why, and some form of recompense.
What other people think of you, is none of your business.
Of course, I am an athlete, I surf the internet.
What we fear doing is what we most need to do.
It's alright if you don't agree with me, I can't force you to be right.
We always suffer far more in our imagination, than we ever do in real life.
Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has limits.
Don't judge people, you do not know the journey they have been on.
If you've never met the Devil on the road of life, it's because you both are headed in the same direction.
I am so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
And…… for Halloween……
You kill a vegetarian Vampire with a steak to the heart!
* * *
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Favorite Western Movie? Lonesome Dove 1989 with Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Duvall, Diane Lane, Chris Cooper, Anjelica Huston. Ricky Schroder, Reese Witherspoon, Danny Glover, Ben Johnson,etc. 4 parts. And 4 spinoffs. |
By Karen Cherry
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#1 Someone will always be younger. Someone will always be better looking. Someone will always be richer. Someone will always be smarter. But no one else will ever be you!
#2 You are in charge of your happiness.
#3 Don't worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
#4 People often forget the simple grace of a thank you. Say it a lot more often.
#5 As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
#6 Always bring food or a bottle to a wake or funeral reception.
#7 Don't be stingy with compliments. We all like to hear them.
#8 If you want to catch a squirrel, climb a tree and act like a nut!
#9 If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
#10 For the best seat in the house, you have to move the dog/cat.
#11 Asking the right questions is already half of the solution to the problem.
And…………….
#12 Don't take life so seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Favorite Drama? Mine: "Fried Green Tomatoes" with Kathy Bates, Jessica Tandy, Mary Stuart Masterson, Mary Louis Parker, Stan Shaw, Chris O'Donnell and a cameo by the author Fanny Flagg. |
By Karen Cherry
#1 Don't be stingy with compliments. We all like them. And you can really make someone's day.
#2 If you haven't asked the host or hostess of the party what to bring, these are always needed : Bags of ice, club soda, Coca-Cola, 7up, Nuts, and bottles of water.
#3 Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
#4 Learn how to make at least one dish very well.
#5 My imaginary friend thinks you are having mental issues.
#6 Learn how to change the subject swiftly in case you are ever in public with a loud unhappy person.
#7 Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
#8 At an event where help is needed, offer.
#9 Eventually, you reach an age where you quit lying about it and start bragging.
#10 Be wise for this world is sadly in need of wisdom.
#11 Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
And…..
#12 The older you get, the less you think things are worth getting in line for.
* * *
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
Pass on your knowledge. Teach a class, write a book, and tell stories. Languages have been lost, songs go unsung, and sagas fade because we don't take care of our past. Share your stories, and investigate family history. I promise you will be surprised!
Be very nice to us old folks. The older we get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
Tell the truth, then you won't have to remember what you said.
All of us are brilliant and stupid on occasion, just remember to aim for the first one.
When you wear one face to some people, and another face to others, pretty soon you won't know what face is really you.
If you think no one cares if you are alive, try missing a few car payments.
Watch cartoons and old comedies. I guarantee you that laughter will help you. I dare you to Get the "Boomerang Channel" and watch "Duck Dodgers in the 23 ½ Century" and not laugh and improve your mood. Or "Droopy", "The Flintstones" and "Bugs Bunny". Old Comedies like "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", "Ruthless People", "Oh Brother where art Thou", "Intolerable Cruelty","Up", "Brave", and others will not fail to delight you. Give into silly on occasion. Eat dessert first. Wear funny underwear. I wear very silly socks. Enjoy the weird and wacky.
Tact is for people not witty enough to use sarcasm.
Do you want to make an instant friend? Ask someone how they are and really listen.
My sister watched a movie about zombies and was still scared. I told her that zombies are after brains, so she didn't have to worry.
A Cop pulls over a speeder, and with a certain amount of glee he says" I have been waiting for you all day!" The driver says," Well, I got here as fast as I could!"
And…….
I got called pretty yesterday and it sure felt good. Well. actually, the whole sentence was "You are pretty annoying," but I like to focus on the positive.
| Author Notes | Picture by Pinterest. What's your favorite Comedy movie? Mine: "O Brother Where Art Thou?". By the Coen brothers. They make absolutely great movies. George Clooney, Holly Hunter, Tim Blake Nelson, John Turturro, John Goodman,Charles Durning. Steven Root, and Micheal Badalucco, etc. |
By Karen Cherry
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Always bring magazines, newspapers, or crossword puzzle books to the hospital. You can read while you wait, and then give them to your friend.
Flowers are not always allowed, so bring balloons, they are cheerful and last for days without needing water or a vase.
You know you are getting older when you reach down to adjust the wrinkles in your socks, and you aren't wearing any.
Always give up your seat to expectant mothers, women with children, people with disabilities, and people older than you.
For women, Christmas shopping begins after Halloween. For men, Christmas Eve.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a bad beautician.
You will never be criticized by someone doing more than you, You will always be criticized by someone doing less. Remember that, and when they start yakking at you, just smile at them it drives them nuts.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!
When you receive an invitation, answer it yes or no at once.
Do not say no or nothing and then show up.
I want my children to have all the things I could never afford. Then I want to move in.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,
Statistics say that one out of four people have some form of mental illness. Look at three of your friends, if it's not them, then it's you!
And……….
Madge got fired from the M&M factory. She kept throwing away all the W's.
By Karen Cherry
There are two things in life that you and you alone can control.
Your attitude, and your effort.
Here's a real old one. If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.
It is true clothes make the man, naked people have very little influence in society.
Wait until everyone is seated before digging into your food.
Wrinkles should only show you where the smiles have been.
Have you heard of this new pen that can write underwater? Well, that's not all, it can write other words too!
Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions, and put down your talent. People who are small inside do that. They try to squash anyone who rises above them, exhibiting talent that they lack. But, the really great ones will offer help, they will encourage you to grow, to get better, and take pride when you pass them by.
Insomnia can help sharpen your math skills because you spend all night calculating just how much sleep you'll get if you fall asleep right now!
Failure is man-made.
If you look closely enough you will see that most overnight successes took a long time to achieve.
You know you have gotten officially old when you are told to slow down by a doctor and not a policeman.
And…Here's an old joke:
This nice little lady is applying for the vaulted position of painting the stripes down the highway. ( this is in the 70s when no machines were used yet) She was told to report to Mr. Henny Hightower on route 35 and he would explain how things worked.
She said, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Hightower, my name is Bambie Brooks."
"Oh, you can call me Henny, everybody does."
" Yes sir. "
"I hope you are in good condition little lady, this is a lot of walking".
"Oh, yes sir, I have been in a couple of marathons when I lived in California. And I run track every weekend."
" Well, that seems to be very good preparation for this job I guess."
"You will need a canteen of water, or tea, a good cap or hat, you might want extra socks and a small towel to wipe off sweat. Wear light clothes, use and carry sunscreen, lip balm, and gloves. It can be brutal out here. Carry all this in a backpack. I will check on you every hour or so on this walkie-talkie set on channel nine and if things get to be too much just give me a call."
" Yes sir, Mr. Hightower!"
" Remember to be here at 7am."
She shows up with everything he told her. He put down a paint bucket, and a brush, and told her just to paint as far as she could and stop at three o'clock.
"Yes sir!"
Well, things are going along just fine. The first day she paints ten miles. He says that is better than average! Keep up the good work! The next day she paints 8. He says that's the average, no problem. But the next day she only paints 5.
He says," What's the problem there little lady? The first day 10, second day 8, and today only 5!"
"Well, Mr. Hightower, it keeps getting further and further back to that paint bucket!"
* * *
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. Pass along any clean jokes you have. |
By Karen Cherry
When I was 14 my parents were so dumb I couldn't bear being around them. When I came home from college I found it amazing how much they had learned in only 7 years!
Sometimes we do not know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this to be true.
I generally avoid temptation, unless I can't resist it.
Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.
Some people say that money cannot buy the key to happiness, but with enough money, I bet you can have the key made!
If you open it, close it.
You know you are getting older when you and your teeth don't sleep together anymore.
If you have one of those big fancy cars or a really old truck, signal you are slowing down by tapping the brakes. Your bumper will appreciate it, and so will your neck.
When your mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, aunt, or various other family members ask "Can I give you some advice?" This is merely a formality. It doesn't matter if you say yes or no. You are going to get the advice.
A good rule of life is when it comes to sushi or plastic surgery never go for the bargain.
And…………
Two things are infinite. The universe and human stupidity, and I am not 100% sure about the universe.
| Author Notes | picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
Be courteous, be peaceful, be respectful, and obey the law.
But, if anyone puts their unwanted hands on you, all bets are off.
Here's something to think about, how come you never see this headline? "Psychic Wins Lottery".
If they do not understand your silence, they will never understand your words.
Never follow anyone else's path. Unless you are all alone in the woods, and you are lost, and you see a path, then take it!
The price of anything is worth the amount of life you exchange for it.
"Truth Hurts". Maybe not as much as walking barefoot on tacks, but still, it can hurt sometimes.
Things that irritate us do not go away until they teach us what we need to learn.
Why do they call it rush hour when nobody is moving?
Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Only you can stop you.
A financier is someone who wants to loan you an umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it starts to rain.
The secret to being young is to live honestly, use alcohol sparingly, eat 5 small meals a day, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and lie about your age.
And…….
Never put off tomorrow what you can put off to the day after tomorrow just as well.
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 My sister asked me to pass her a tube of lipstick. I thought she said gluestick. She is still not speaking to me.
#2 I had a thought that just maybe I still had some more growing up to do, as I was hanging up my Disney pajamas.
#3 What is the difference between fiction and non-fiction?
Fiction has to make sense.
#4 You know the best way to keep your kitchen clean?
Eat out!
#5 You know that you are officially older when you are no longer asked for your license to show how old you are.
#6 I saw a study that said people's number one fear was speaking before a group. So, that means if you are at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than delivering the Eulogy!
#7 As you get older they say three things happen. First, your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
#8 I went to the store to buy a pair of camoflauge pants, but I couldn't find any!
#9 It seems I spent my whole life saying, " Say thank you." "Chew with your mouth shut." "Don't lean back in your chair!" Just when I got my husband trained, the kids started coming.
#10 My dentist told me I needed a crown. I was like, "I know, right?"
#11 If you are the smartest person in the room, you are probably in the wrong room.
And last but not least:
#12 Yesterday my husband saw a roach in the kitchen. He cleaned everything within an inch of his life, and then sprayed the entire kitchen. Tomorrow I'm moving the roach to the bathroom.
| Author Notes | Pictures from pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 Do you want to be right or, be happy?
#2 Behind every great man, is a woman rolling her eyes.
#3 If your dreams never scare you, they are too small.
#4 Never ever make yourself smaller so that others can be more comfortable.
#5 Your life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
#6 Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
#7 Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training right?
#8 Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
#9 The main difference between animals and humans, is the animals would never let the dumbest one lead the pack.
#10 If you ever get caught sleeping at work, slowly raise your head and say. "In Jesus name I pray".
#11 I asked my mom what is a couple?
She said 2 or 3.
I said, that's probably why dad divorced you.
And, number 12……..
What did the horse say after it fell?
Help! I've fallen, and I can't giddyup!
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
1 What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats
2 I just invented a new word.
Plagiarism
3 A woman giving birth starts yelling, "Shouldn't, Wouldn't, Couldn't, Didn't, Can't."
The doctor turns to the husband and says, don't worry she is having contractions.
4 What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
5 Have you heard about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
6 Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
7 Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar….
The bartender yelled get out of my bar, I don't serve your type!
8 Have you heard of the new restaurant called "Karma"?
There is no menu. You just get what you deserve.
9 Today was a terrible day for me. My ex was hit by a bus.
And I lost my job.
As a bus driver.
10 Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
11 What did the shark say after he ate the clown fish?
You know, he tasted funny.
And last but not least number 12……..
What did the right eye tell the left eye?
Just between you and me, something smells.
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You may not get them right away :-)
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 The other lane is always faster.
#2 Time is free , but it is also priceless.
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
And, once you've lost it, you can never get it back.
#3 I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
#4 The only place your dreams become impossible is in your own mind.
#5 Never sleep with anyone crazier than you.
#6 Don't let old age get you down. It's hard to get back up.
#7 If you are waiting for the perfect time to do something, you will never get it done.
#8 My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
#9 Nothing makes you appreciate something as much as when you had difficulty achieving it.
#10 Once I read a book about glue. I couldn't put it down.
#11 Without failures, you can have no successes.
And number 12 is:
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening". And then proceed to tell you why it is not.
#2 You can, and you should, and if you are brave enough, you will.
#3 Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.
#4 Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than walking into a garage makes you a car.
#5 The harder I work, the luckier I get.
#6 The only place success comes before work, is in the dictionary.
#7 When I was growing up. I always wanted to be "Someone". I should have been more specific.
#8 Lots of people want to be your friend when they can ride with you in the limo. A true friend will ride with you on the bus when the limo quits coming.
#9 You know those tests they give you in school, where one of the questions was, "Is the glass half empty or half full?" I thought it was stupid. I said the glass is twice as big as it needs to be, they should use a smaller glass.
#10 Before marrying anyone, you should make them use a computer with a very slow connection, and see how they cope.
#11 We were given two ends, one to sit on, and one to think with. Success is determined by which one you use the most.
And, number 12…..
In life you really only need two things. WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move when it should, use WD40 . And, if it moves when it shouldn't, use the duct tape. I have also found that in a pinch, a hammer is helpful. :-)
| Author Notes | Picture from pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 Some days you feel that you are surrounded by idiots. Other days you realize, that it is not just some days.
#2 If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you.
If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.
#3 I now understand what happens to our brains as we age. On the left side nothing seems right, and on the right side, nothing is left.
#4 When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye with one!
#5 Work quietly in silence, Let success be your noise.
#6 Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
#7 I think that if I have to stir it, I can say it's homemade.
#8 Laughter is now, and always will be the best form of therapy.
#9 Line dancing got started by women in line to use the restroom.
#10 Whatever you do, give 100%, unless of course you are donating blood.
#11 Don't worry about what "those" folks think. From what I can tell they don't do it very often anyway.
And, last but not least:
#12 Adulthood is like going to the vet. We are the dogs that are all excited about going for a ride in the car. That is, until we realize where we are going.
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| Author Notes | Picture from pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 I know they say that money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye!
#2 From Lao Tzu: If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future, If you are at peace, you are living in the present.
#3 If you are shocked by anything I say or do, you haven't paid attention to who I am.
#4 From Betty White: Women are like butterflies, we may look delicate and fragile, but we can fly through hurricanes!
#5 You are what you do. Not what you say you will do.
#6 I have noticed, that more and more people are opening their mouth and talking, before their brain is in drive.
#7 Roses are red, violets are blue. I've watched enough crime shows, they'll never find you!
#8 Four things you can never get back: The brick after you throw it, the wrong word after it is said, the trust after it has been broken, and time, after it has been spent.
#9 A penny for your thoughts seems a bit pricey to me.
#10 A good friend will bail you out when you are in jail. Your best friend will be with you in the cell talking about how much fun you had.
#11 From Mark Twain: Man was created on the last day. God was tired.
And, last but not least:
#12 We are made from dust, we return to dust, that's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know!
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 I couldn't help noticing that awesome ends in ME, and ugly starts with U!
#2 Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude or less than kind to you. You do this not because they are nice, but because you are.
#3 At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding on to the safety bars in the shower and trying not to slide.
#4 Knowledge can give you power, but good character earns you respect.
#5 Is there anything worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Yes, biting into the apple and finding half a worm.
#6 People were created to love and be loved. Things were created to be used. The world is messed up because we now love "things" and use people.
#7 What's the difference between a hippo and a "zippo"? One is kinda heavy, and the other is a little lighter! LOL
#8 A true leader leads by example, not by force.
#9 Just for once I would like to see a medicine's side effects to be: May cause weight loss, increased energy, wrinkle removal, and enhanced memory.
#10 If you look at your life in terms of what you have you will always have more. If you judge your life by what you do not have, you will never have enough.
#11 Never miss a good chance to shut up.
And, last but not least:
#12 Eleanor Roosevelt: A woman is like a tea bag. Sometimes you can't see how strong she is until she is in hot water.
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| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
By Karen Cherry
#1 What you do not want to hear during awake surgery:
A. He's got two of them!
B. Oops! Could you pick that up? It still looks okay.
C. Is it supposed to look like that?
D. Am I supposed to clip both of them?
E. I thought it wasn't supposed to bleed!
F. Boy, I should not have had that second bottle of wine last night.
And, saving the best for last:
G. I've never seen one of those before, what is it?*****************************************
#2 A clever person solves the problem, a wise one avoids it.
#3 Dr. Suess- Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened.
#4 You don't need a parachute to go sky diving. But, you need one if you want to do it again.
#5 Any fool can know things. The hard part is understanding things.
#6 People sometimes say I am condescending, ( that means I talk down to others).
#7 The world is often a dangerous place to live. Not because people can be evil, but because people see the evil, and do nothing about it.
#8 Someone told me always he expects the unexpected, that is how he lives his life. So, I slapped him in the face. "You weren't expecting that were you?" LOL
#9 The measure of intelligence is the ability to adapt and change.
#10 I think as you get older your Christmas lists gets smaller, not because you have less people, but because you realize the best things in life can't be bought.
#11 Often, the best solution to prevent elder lust is nudity.
And last but not least :
#12 Mark Twain: Let us live a life so good and full that even the undertaker will be sad when we are gone.
| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest. #11 contributed from :Harambe iz ur Daddy |
By Karen Cherry
#1 If I am not supposed to eat a midnight snack, why is there a light in the fridge?
#2 We cannot use the same thinking to solve our problems as we used to create them.- Albert Einstein
#3 I got my wife to help me with putting in posts for our new fence. I handed her the new hammer, I said when I nod my head to let you know I'm ready, hit it.
I don't remember much after that.
#4 “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” —Maya Angelou
#5 Police have confirmed, the man who fell from the roof and died was not a bouncer.
#6 Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
#7 Chocolate is vital for our survival, the dinosaurs didn't have it, and look what happened to them!
#8 "You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.” – Michelle Obama
#9“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
#10“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
#11 "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence." – Calvin Coolidge
And last but not least:
#12 I picked up a guy from the side of the road. Seemed like a decent guy. A few miles down the road he asked me if I was afraid he might be a serial killer?
I told him the odds were extremely unlikely that there would be two serial killers in the same car.
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| Author Notes | Picture from Pinterest |
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