By snodlander
Julius huddled closer to the tiny fire as it threw flickering shadows over the cave. This high up the bank, the ceiling meant even he could not stand upright but it kept him dry from the trickle of a stream that not so much ran as gently sauntered through the cave. He twisted round, holding the scrap of paper in the firelight so that he could examine the strange sigils written there. Then he took a smouldering stick from the fire and dragged it across the wall, completing a copy of the writing in charcoal. He placed the stick on the packed sand and examined the makeshift mural.
His eyes flicked from paper to wall, paper to wall, the slits of his pupils wide in the poor light. It was, as far as he could tell, perfect. Wait! Almost perfect. There was a dot after the last symbol. Eyes fixed on the spot on the wall where the dot belonged, he groped for the stick. It took a second for him to realise that he was holding the still glowing end. He dropped the stick and grabbed his wrist, expelling air sharply.
"Ffffff--"
On the wall the first symbol glowed golden-red. Julius stared at it, the pain suddenly forgotten. He knew it! He had been right. It was magical. It was an incantation of some sort.
"Ff" he said, and the first symbol glowed again. "Ff. Ff. Ff-ff-ff-ff-ff."
He wrapped his scrawny arms around his ribs and giggled with glee. It was a spell of power. No doubt about it. All he had to do... Julius stared at the long array of symbols and gradually his elation shrank. All he had to do was work out what sound all the other symbols made, and if he guessed them correctly, then maybe the spell would do whatever the spell was meant to do, and maybe it would be something good and wouldn't result in him being turned inside out.
He looked around at the tiny cavern, the measly fire, the total lack of any possessions. Really, what did he have to lose?
"Fr," he said. The first symbol glowed, but the second remained charcoal-black. "Fs. Fee. Fi." He settled himself more comfortably. It was going to be a long night, but what else did he have planned?
Hours passed. Julius only paused to add another stick when the fire became too low to shed light on the graffiti. He tried every sound he could imagine to make the next symbol glow. Then the next. Then the next. Finally he could light up most of the eldritch symbols.
"Faw aw yaw..." He paused. This next one was a difficult one to memorise. Lots of symbols for just three sounds. "Fee-nar-saw needs caw fife fife fife sefen too sis..." He paused as the glowing symbols filled him with fear and excitement in equal measure. The last symbol was the same as some he had already deciphered. "Fife!" he yelled, the sound echoing around the cave. The entire spell glowed golden. He whirled as behind him the fire roared and leapt to the ceiling, the light as brilliant as a lightning strike. The fire dropped as suddenly as it had flared, leaving just glowing embers. Julius blinked against the afterimages, trying to adjust to the gloom.
On the other side of the fire something lay on the ground. Julius stared open-mouthed as it stirred. The figure sat up, blinking and shaking its head.
"Jesus," it said. "What was that? Where the hell - ?"" It looked up and its strange eyes focused on Julius. For a moment the two stared at each other, then the creature screamed. Startled, Julius screamed back. The creature jumped to its feet, smacked its head on the low rock and tumbled backwards down the bank. Julius scrabbled backwards on his backside until he was pressed against the wall. The creature hit the stream, splashed to its feet and pressed itself against the far wall, holding its head in its hands. The two stared at each other. The creature opened its mouth as if to scream again.
Julius threw his arm out, one talon pointing at the creature, and screamed, "Faw aw yaw fee-nar-saw needs caw fife fife fife sefen too sis fife!"
"What?"
The sigils behind Julius remained just charcoal marks. "Faw aw yaw fee-nar-saw needs caw fife fife fife sefen too sis fife!" Julius screamed again, louder this time in case that made a difference.
"For all my financial needs call? Wait. That's the old office number."
"What?"
"Five-five-five seven-two-six-five. We haven't used that in years."
"What?"
"What?"
The two continued to stare at each other. After the initial shock, Julius realised that this creature wasn't as fearsome as he had first supposed. True, it was a good head taller than Julius, maybe more, but it didn't have talons and its teeth looked blunt.
"What are you?" Julius demanded.
"John."
"What?"
The creature shrugged. "That's my name. John"
"You're giving me your name? Just like that? Your real name?"
"Yes. My real name. Why would I lie?"
Julius nodded to himself. The incantation must have been powerful indeed if it had compelled this thing to reveal its true name. With its true name Julius had complete control over this strange creature. A vista of endless opportunities opened up in front of Julius' mind's eye. If only he could fathom what this creature was and what it was capable of.
"Am I dead?" asked John.
"Are you?" replied Julius, unsure himself.
"This is hell, right?"
"Ha! You wish. No, this is the Realm."
John looked around the cave. "Are you sure this isn't hell?"
"Would I live in a cave like this if this was hell?"
John shrugged. "I don't know. I guess, no?"
Julius felt the conversation was in danger of running away from him. He pointed a talon at John and said with all the authority and gravitas he could muster, "John, I command you to tell me, what are you?"
"I'm an independent financial advisor and mortgage broker. You're a demon, right?"
"Of course I'm a demon. You're not?"
"No, I'm - well I guess I'm a human."
"For real?" He'd heard of humans, of course he had, but he'd always assumed they were tales told to frighten children. But he couldn't deny the evidence of his own eyes. And here it was, summoned by Julius alone.
All Julius had to do now was figure out what mystical powers this creature possessed and the Realm was his oyster.
++++
The demon inched forward and threw a few sticks on the glowing remains of a fire. John studied it carefully as it blew on the embers. It was definitely a demon. Even Hollywood couldn't make up a human to look like that, not without a massive amount of CGI. He ran his hand over his head and felt the sticky spot where he had hit his head on the cave ceiling. Maybe he was concussed? Perhaps this was all a dream. But he had hit his head while he was in the cave, looking at the demon. Concussion couldn't give him hallucinations before he hit his head, could it?
It looked a sight less fearsome than the Orcs or Goblins of Hollywood. Not that John was an expert on demons, but this creature looked scrawny and had appeared as scared of him as he had been of it. As the flames caught the wood they lit a face with large cat-like eyes and a mouth of needle teeth. Scrawny or not, he had better try and keep on its good side until he could figure out what was happening and how to get back home.
John pushed forward onto all fours and knelt by the stream. The demon snarled and pointed a claw at him. "Stay!" it commanded.
"I'm just going to clean my head," said John. He slowly dipped a hand into the freezing water, eyes fixed on the demon, then splashed it over his head, wincing at the cold. His hand came back bloody, but not as bad as he feared. After a few handfuls of water the blood seemed to have gone. Just a graze, then, and probably an egg-sized bump and a morning after headache to come. John splashed a couple of handfuls over his face. If this was a dream, it was more realistic than anything he'd encountered before.
"Advisor," said the demon.
John nodded. "Yes. Independent financial advisor."
"You have wisdom."
John shrugged. "Well maybe. I know the markets, for sure, tax schemes, pension benefits anyway."
The demon nodded slowly. "Advisor," he said, as if he was hanging onto the one word he had understood.
"Yes. I advise people on financial matters."
"Fee-naw-saw."
"Financial, yes. I help people make the most of their assets." He saw the blank look on the demon's face. "I help them make more money. You understand money, right?"
The demon nodded slowly, the blank look on its face giving the lie to its answer.
"Well, okay, let me try and explain." How did you explain money to a demon who had never heard of it, never mind the intricacies of Defined-Contribution plans and asset allocation? "Okay. Suppose you want something, and you've got money. Money lets you get the things you want."
The demon sat back and stared. "Power," it said at last.
"Power? Well, I guess it is, in a way. Yeah, money is power."
"And you give this to people."
"Well, not exactly. I just advise them on how to get more. But to be honest, with the financial situation as it is at the moment, I'm doing more of the mortgage broker side."
The demon stared silently at John, and John felt compelled to fill the silence.
"I help people get houses. Mostly when they want to move into a bigger house or a better district, but they don't have the money to hand. I help them get it."
The demon crept forward until it squatted on the other side of the tiny stream. It stared so hungrily at John that he sat back on his heels. The small fire didn't so much illuminate the cave as throw dark shadows around the walls. John could see no escape route, even if he could outrun this monster.
"You make power," said the demon. It raised a claw and pointed at John. "You give bigger caves."
"Well, sort of. Yes."
The demon showed John a wide mouth full of sharp fangs. It took John a few moments to realise the demon was grinning.
"John," it said, "I adjure thee by this sacred text - " It waved a scrap of paper in John's face - "To make me more power and bigger cave. Fee-naw-saw!"
John looked at the scrap. It was a small ad torn from a magazine. Ye gods, when was the last time the firm had advertised in a paper magazine? For all your financial needs... John looked up at the demon's earnest face.
"Wait. You want to be a client?"
| Author Notes | Just an idea at the moment. I had to get it out of my head |
By snodlander
"We need a contract," said John.
"A contract," agreed Julius. He looked around him, as if looking for one.
"You must know what a contract is. You people sign them with my people all the time."
"Yes." Julius nodded vaguely.
John sighed. "We need to write down what we each agree we're going to do."
"You're going to give me more power and a bigger cave." Julius waved the scrap of paper at John. "Fee-naw-saw. I know your true name. You must do what I say."
"But what's in it for me?"
Julius frowned. He looked down at the scrap of the magazine page. He looked up and breathed in, but before he could say 'Fee-naw-saw' again John interrupted.
"If I give you financial advice and broker a mortgage, you must return me back to my world. No!" John grabbed the demon's wrist as he lifted the scrap of paper again. "Never mind Fee-naw-saw. That's our contract, understand? I give you advice, you return me home. Agreed?"
Julius looked down at his precious incantation, struggling with this new idea. Finally he nodded.
"Okay." John released Julius' wrist. "Do you have any paper? No!" he said, as Julius lifted the small ad again. "Blank paper." Even as he said it, he knew what the answer would be. The only place the demon might hide it would be in his filthy loincloth, and John earnestly hoped that wasn't the case. John cast his eyes around the cave and saw the words from the advertisement charcoaled onto the wall. He sighed and picked up a brand from the fire.
+++
John stepped back from the cave wall and regarded the contract written in charcoal.
"Okay, so this says, 'I, John Watkins,' (that's me) 'will provide financial advice to' - " John paused, burnt stick in hand. "What's your name?"
Julius shook his head. "No name."
"You don't have a name?"
"Of course I have a name," said Julius. "I'm not going to tell you though, am I."
"Why not?"
Julius gave John a look that informed John as to the level of his stupidity. "No one just gives their name away. A person's true name gives away power."
"I gave you my name," said John.
Julius snorted. "Yeah, and now I have full control over you." He waved the small ad at John. "Fee-naw-saw, John."
John sighed. "Fine." He scratched away at the wall. "'I, John Watkins, will provide financial advice to the undersigned. In return - '" He scratched away again. "' - In return the undersigned will return John Watkins to his own home.' Okay?"
Juius nodded. John shook his head. It had to be the worst contract ever written. He scrawled his John Hancock under it and passed the stick to Julius.
"Sign it," he said.
Julius looked up at John, incomprehension on his face.
John sighed yet again. "Okay, just make your mark. An X will do." John crossed his arms in front of him to indicate an X. Julius scraped an approximation of an X next to John's signature, constantly referring to John's crossed arms for reference.
"Okay." John took the stick from Julius and tossed it onto the fire. "That means we're both committed, okay?"
Julius shrugged. "Okay."
"Okay, let's start, then. What assets have you got?"
"Assets," affirmed Julius, nodding in agreement.
"Yes, assets. What collateral do you own?" John looked at the demon's blank face. "What things are yours?"
To John's no great surprise, Julius held out the small ad. "Fee-naw-saw."
"Okay, apart from that. Anything?"
Julius shrugged.
"No, fine, fine. Let's go with your property. Is this as big as it gets?" John looked around at the cramped cavern. Now that his eyes had become acclimatised he could see a low tunnel at one end, into which the stream flowed. "Are there other caves?"
"No," said Julius.
"Okay, so what is the neighbourhood like?"
+++
The tunnel dog-legged to the left. John had wished he'd been transported here wearing his trainers. His Church's brogues were going to be ruined, but he didn't trust the bed of the stream to his bare feet; it was all slimy pebbles and God knew what else. The tunnel ended in a wall of stones. The water poured through a gap at the bottom into the outside world. On top of the stones daylight glared through a small opening.
"Did you build this?" he asked.
Julius nodded. "Small hole," he said. He glanced back at John and decided he needed further explanation. "I don't want a bigger demon taking the cave off me."
"Are there many bigger demons?"
"They nearly all are." Julius clambered up the slope and peered out. Apparently satisfied, he jerked his head towards the outside and cautiously crept out. John, even more cautiously, followed.
He squinted against the light. Not that it was particularly bright, but he had spent at least an hour in the dark. The sky overhead pressed down with sullen yellow clouds and the heat promised a thunder storm.
"Looks like rain," he said.
Julius shook his head. "It never rains," he said.
"Never?"
"Never."
John scanned the landscape in front of him. From the base of the cliff from which they had emerged, the land stretched away in arid reds and yellows. The only green followed the stream, and that appeared to drain into the soil a few hundred metres distant.
"It's, um, a quiet location," said John. "Rural. Peace and quiet. Running water. No neighbours."
"There are," said Julius.
"Are what?"
"Neighbours." Julius nodded to the right. "Metztli. He's got a big cave. Doesn't leave it much." He nodded to the left. "Marduk. He's a piece of work."
"Big?" said John. "Horns? Knuckles along the ground on all fours?"
Julius snapped his head round to the left. Following the foot of the cliff a huge creature walked ape-like towards them, part of a tree trunk slung over his shoulder. Julius gave an involuntary cry of fear and scrabbled back towards his cave. After a moment John thought it prudent to follow him as fast as he could.
Inside the cave they peered out over the rock wall.
"A piece of work, eh?" said John.
Julius nodded. "He hates me," he whispered.
"Why?"
"He thinks I piss in his water."
John looked as Marduk approached the stream. "Do you?" he asked.
"Well, I'm not going to piss on my bed, am I."
The huge creature dropped the trunk into the stream. One end appeared open.
"What's he doing?" asked John, matching Julius' whisper.
"Getting water. He has a garden. He comes down here a couple of times a day."
John glanced down at his feet, where the stream passed through the hole in the dry-stone wall, then back up at the large demon.
"I think I've just found your asset," he said, with a smile.
| Author Notes |
Julius - a minor demon
John - an independent financial consultant and mortgage broker Fee-naw-saw - Julius attempt at saying 'financial' |
By snodlander
Julius sat on the rocks just below the opening to his cave. Every instinct was telling him to scurry back into his safe hole. He glanced over his shoulder. John looked back at him from just inside the entrance.
"Remember," said John. "Confidence. You have to sell the story."
Julius looked down at the trickle that sank into the sand just a few metres from the cave. It was easy for John to be confident; he wasn't out here exposed. What would Marduk do when he found the water had gone? Nothing pleasant. At least Marduk didn't have the imagination to stretch the agony out. He'd probably just crush his skull within seconds.
"Why don't you come out here with me?" he asked.
"Because you've got to convince him I'm Arnie Schwarzenegger crossed with a balrog. He's not going to believe that if he can see me, is he?"
Julius wasn't sure what either of those creatures were, but John had convinced him the plan would work. Convinced him when he was safe in his cave, anyway. He wasn't that convinced now, sitting out in the open, waiting for his neighbour to show up.
"Fee-naw-saw," he muttered, miserably.
"Yeah, that's right. Financial advice, okay? Trust me. Okay, okay, curtain up. Remember, sell the story."
John ducked down below the stones. Julius looked around. Marduk was knuckling his way towards the bed of the dried-up stream, dragging the hollow trunk behind him.
Julius stared at the hulk as it approached, frozen with fear. More power was a good thing, but what use was it if your limbs were scattered around the countryside? His tiny cave suddenly seemed more than enough for him.
"Fee-naw-saw," he murmured, as if the invocation could keep him safe. ""Fee-naw-saw."
Marduk stopped at the dry bed and stared at the damp sand. He poked it with his foot, as if the stream was merely hiding from his eyes but could not fool his toes. He shook his head and looked around. What was he thinking, wondered Julius. Perhaps he thought he was in the wrong place. Yes, let him lurch on, looking for a stream that wasn't there. Oh please let him move on.
Marduk finally noticed Julius. He didn't look pleased. He started to heave himself towards the cave, slow but as inevitable as continental drift.
"John?" Julius quavered, his voice low.
"Sell the story," whispered John. "Confidence. Believe it. You've got this."
"You!" thundered Marduk. "What have you done with the water?"
"The water?" Julius pressed himself back against the rocks, wishing they would swallow him.
Marduk swung a huge hand at the stream bed. "The water."
"It's the broker!" Julius screamed. They had worked out a script, John and him, safe in the cave. It was a beautiful script, brilliantly crafted, infallible. But in this moment of terror, unmemorable as well. 'Broker' was the only word of it he could remember.
Marduk stopped and frowned. "Broker?" he said.
"Yes, yes. The broker. It's all his fault."
Marduk narrowed his eyes. "What's a broker?" he asked.
"A broker. You know, a broker. You know what a broker is, right?"
"Yes," said Marduk, the word drawn out, suspicion filling his voice.
He doesn't know, thought Julius. He's as ignorant as I am. Was, he corrected himself, and from hidden depths there welled hope.
"Yes, well, I've got one," said Julius, drawing himself up and wrapping himself in the lie. "Haven't you?"
"Yeah. I got a broker. What's he broke, then? This one you got."
"Ha! What doesn't he break," said Julius, his stage fright leaving him. "He breaks the sky and the lightning splits the earth. He breaks the clouds and the rains fall. He breaks the wind and nothing can stand against it."
("Dude, breaks wind? Really?")
Julius ignored the sub voce question John mumbled.
"Yeah?" Marduk didn't seem convinced.
"Of course. And he crushes the rocks in his almighty hands." Julius held out his own claws and crushed imaginary rocks. "Squeezes them so hard water falls from them. Where else did you think the water came from?"
Marduk shrugged and nodded towards the cave.
Julius turned to the cave mouth, then turned back to Marduk. "You thought it just magically appeared from the cave? Really?"
"No," said Marduk. "Knew it was a broker, 'course I did. Just didn't know how a streak of piss like you could have one."
"Ah!" said Julius, tapping the side of his nose. "I know his true name. I have him imprisoned inside the cliffs and make him produce water so I don't get thirsty."
Marduk swung a talon at the base of the cliff. "Go on, then. Make more water."
"Ah, that's the problem." Julius' shoulders sagged and he looked at his feet, crestfallen. "He can't, not now."
"Make him!" roared Marduk, taking a couple of steps towards Julius.
"I can't, I can't," cried Julius, hands outstretched as if to stop the monster. "He's hungry."
Marduk stopped and frowned. "Hungry?"
"Yes, yes. He's hungry. He's been crushing so long that he's just faint with hunger. Starving, in fact. I beat him, but it's no good. He needs to get his strength up."
"Feed him then."
Julius held his arms out wide. "And where am I going to get food? No, it's no good. I'll just have to die of thirst, I guess."
Marduk stared at Julius. Julius could almost hear his brain straining with the unaccustomed effort. Finally he said, "How do I know you really got a broker?"
"Broker!" called Julius.
Inside the cave John gave his loudest, most blood-curdling roar. It was barely worth the effort, Julius thought. He could do better with a cold.
"Doesn't sound like a broker who could break rocks," said Marduk.
"See? See?" Julius pointed a claw at Marduk as his brain went into overdrive. "What a pathetic roar. That â?" that... just goes to show how weak he is. How much he needs food. If only someone could feed him, but what can I do?"
"Don't overdo it," muttered John behind him.
"He crushes water outta rocks?" said Marduk, his voice rife with uncertainty.
"When he's fed, yes."
Marduk looked down at his feet. After a while he looked behind him at where the stream used to flow, as if it might have reappeared during their conversation.
"I got food," he said.
"You have?" Julius feigned surprise.
"If I get some food, he will crush rocks?"
"Oh yes. If I tell him. He's bound to me, you know. He has to if I tell him."
Marduk thought some more. "If he doesn't, I'll crush you," he said at last. "And I won't need no broker."
"Oh, you'll give him some food?" said Julius, as if the idea had never occurred to him. "That would be wonderful. Oh," he said, as Marduk turned back towards his home. "You'd better take your log. For the food, you know. He's really, really hungry."
Marduk growled, returned to his hollowed-out log he used as a barrel and dragged it away with him.
++++
Julius tossed vegetables and meat over the makeshift wall of the cave. John, stripped down to his underwear, stood waist deep in the pool building up behind the dam.
"Want to give me a hand?" John said.
"Can't. Got to get the food in before he changes his mind." Julius disappeared through the tiny opening again.
John muttered curses against demons in general and Julius in particular, took a deep breath then dived under the water. He worked away at the stones he and Julius had wedged into the small aperture. Mud swirled up where they'd tried to make it as waterproof as possible. Suddenly there was a whoosh and a gurgle and the water started to gush through. John surfaced, shivering.
"Just in time," he said through chattering teeth. "I thought it was going to overflow the top."
Julius squatted on the sandbank inside the cave and grinned. "All this food," he said. "From Marduk, too." He hugged himself. "Fee-naw-saw. It works. It really works!"
"Yeah, well, don't milk it. Don't squeeze him for more than you can eat, otherwise he might decide it's easier to try and own your broker himself. Just dam the stream here when you're out of food, okay?"
Julius nodded. "You are a powerful Fee-naw-saw advisor, John Watkins. I have power. Now, make my cave a more cage."
"A mortgage. Yeah, well, that's going to be a tad more difficult."
| Author Notes |
Julius is a demon that has summoned a human using an invocation.
John is the human he summoned, an independent financial advisor and mortgage broker. Julius thinks this means John can get him more power and a bigger cave. John agrees to do this in return for his safe passage back to the real world. Fee-naw-saw is Julius' attempt at saying financial. |
By snodlander
"Tell me about Metztli," said John,
"He's a demon," said Julius.
"Well, duh. What about him?"
Julius gave the question deep consideration. He looked up at the ceiling of the cave. He looked down at his taloned feet. He stared at the remains of the marrow he'd eaten.
Finally he looked at John square in the eye and shrugged.
"Is his cave bigger than yours?"
Julius nodded. "Big cave. I can have it?"
"Maybe. How big is he? Bigger than you?" asked John. Julius nodded. "Bigger than Marduk?" Julius shook his head.
"Is he smart? Smarter than Marduk, I mean."
"Everyone's smarter than him," answered Julius.
"And you're sure you want a bigger cave? Because you've got Marduk giving you as much food as you want now."
"Bigger cave," affirmed Julius.
"Okay. Well, if this Metzil isn't stupid, we could come to a mutually beneficial financial arrangement."
"Fee-nar-saw," agreed Julius.
"Yeah. Here's the thing though. Mortgages come at a price."
"Mortgage is a bigger cave."
"Yeah, yeah, bigger cave. But it will cost you."
Julius gave John the nod he'd come to label, 'I'm going to pretend I understand you till I can find something I can grab onto'.
John sighed. "Okay, so we've got to give Metzil an incentive, right? We have to give him a reason to give up his cave."
"Fee-nar-saw?" suggested Julius.
"Yes, that's right. A financial incentive. You're going to have to make mortgage repayments. To Metzil. Understand?"
Julius nodded slowly. "No," he said at last.
++++
"It's my food!" whined Julius again as John dragged him by the hand along the foot of the cliff.
"You'll still get food. Just not as much." John wondered how many ways he could reword the same argument.
"But it's my food."
John stopped and threw Julius' arm down. "Once and for all. This is the last time I'm explaining it. You can have lots of food and your old cave, or less food but a bigger cave. That's it. Make up your mind. It's one or the other. That's what mortgage means. Big mortgage, less money. You can't have both. Now I've given you my best advice. I can broker this mortgage or you can keep your food. Make your mind up."
Julius stared at John with sullen eyes. He drew a breath but paused when he saw John's warning look. Perhaps Fee-nar-saw was not the best thing to say at this moment.
"Cave," he said at last. "Bigger cave."
"Then move your arse." John spun on his heel and strode on. After a pause Julius muttered "Fee-nar-saw" as though that would make it all better, then followed.
++++
"Metzli," called Julius.
"Louder," said John. "Like you mean it."
Julius sighed. "Metzli!," he shouted.
A shadow at the mouth of the cave resolved it into a demon. This one had a tail, but otherwise looked like a bigger version of Julius.
"Bugger off!" it said. As a greeting it lacked a certain professional polish but to be fair, in the real world John had heard worse. John nudged Julius.
"You want food?" asked Julius.
Metzli stepped a little closer and eyed John. "Not much meat on it. What's wrong with it?"
"No not this. This isn't food."
"Looks like food."
"No, no, this is a wizard. Fee-nar-saw."
"Fee what?"
"Powerful magic. It can get you food."
"Yeah? What's in it for you?"
"I like you," said Julius. "You never tried to eat me, not really."
John coughed. Julius was starting to wander from the script. "Regular payments," he whispered.
"Regular payments," Julius repeated.
"Regular what?"
"It's Fee-nar-saw. You give me some of the food Fee-nar-saw gives you, and you get to keep the rest."
Metzli narrowed his eyes, a disturbing effect with slit pupils. "What's the catch?"
John stepped forward. "Let me introduce myself," he said.
++++
Metzil sat on a rock, slowly chewing the cucumber Julius had given him as a deal teaser. Eventually he said "I could tell him. I expect Marduk would give me some food for the information that you tricked him."
"You're thinking short-term," said John. "Our way you get food indefinitely."
Metzil nodded. "I could just keep the food for myself."
"You could," said John. "But you wouldn't want the secret to get out. Julius here could help keep your secret."
"And I would have to give you some of the food."
"Half," said Julius.
"He means a quarter," said John. "But you're right. There is just one catch."
"Which is?"
"For the scam to work you'd need to live in the cave. You'd need to keep up the pretence I was still controlling the water. Damming it when needed."
"What's this cave like?"
"It has running water," said Julius.
++++
The cave wasn't that much bigger than Julius' old one, but he seemed happy. He kept pacing to and fro, patting the walls and stretching to his meagre height.
"Need to build up the entrance," he said. "Protection."
"Home improvements are your concern. They're out of my purview."
"What?"
"The entrance is down to you. Not financial. So, are you happy?"
Julius gave it due consideration, then nodded.
"Then it's time for my fee."
"Fee?"
"Send me home, remember? You had my financial advice and I brokered your mortgage. I did my bit. It's been a pleasure, don't ever call me again. Bye. Enjoy the rest of your â?" um â?" existence."
Julius stared at John. "Home?" he said.
"Yes." John clenched his fists and took a step forward. "That was the deal, right? The contract? You signed it. Now send me home."
"Home," Julius said, nodding.
"Don't tell me you don't know how."
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"I won't tell you."
"We had a contract!" John shouted.
"Contract!" repeated Julius, matching John's volume.
"I fulfilled my part!" He took another step forward.
"Fulfilled." Julius stared up at John, eyes wide.
"So send me home! Now!"
"Home!" screamed Julius, waving the scrap of paper that had summoned the human in the first place. "Fee-nar-saw!"
The flash blinded the demon. When he could see again he was alone.
"Fee-nar-saw," he said, nodding to himself. It was powerful magic all right. He looked around his new home, straightened up and raised his chin. He pointed to the entrance of the cave. "Fee-nar-saw!" he commanded. Stones resolutely refused to block the entrance. He sighed. Well, even magic had its limitations, he supposed. He picked up a stone and laid it at the entrance. Looking back he surveyed his new home. It was bigger than his old cave, undeniably. Bigger. Julius sighed.
How big was Marduk's cave?
| Author Notes | Fee-nah-saw - Julius' attempt to say financial |
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