By samandlancelot
When my husband couldn't find anything he wanted to do, he decided we should go to a casino. I didn't want to go; God certainly wouldn't want me to gamble. After I prayed, God changed my mind, so I went to the casino with my husband, Gary.
As new members of the casino, we each received $10 in free play. Gary won $157 with his free play on the first night, and I won a small amount. Neither of us invested our own money to play.
The casino sent us $10 in free play every week, so we went every week. I played my $10 and cashed out anything I won. To me, this wasn't gambling; I didn't spend anything.
Then March arrived with St. Patrick's Day, with many promotions at the casino, but not the $10 in free play. We would need to gamble with our own money to continue.
Gary decided to go to a different casino where we could get new member free plays.
He didn't play the gaming machines. I put his card and free play tickets in the machine and played whatever way he wanted me to play, while he watched. Then I put my free plays in and played my way, while he watched.
The problem arose when I crossed a safety line Gary had drawn. He stood behind me and tried to convince me to play his safe way. We were no longer in agreement and tension began to build between us.
We were at the new casino, and I continued to play with my winnings from the free play. It looked like we were finished, and we started to leave. Gary decided I was having so much fun on this machine, he would put in $10 so I could continue. When that was over, I knew I wasn't ready to stop. I put in $20 and began to play max bet instead of the minimum, which I had the urge to do for a couple of weeks. Gary tried to put the brakes on me, but I continued and was up about $150.
As I continued, I felt Gary's fear hover over me. He convinced me to stop when I was down to $100. I felt in my spirit that I wasn't finished, but I agreed to leave because I didn't have a clear enough answer from God that I should stay.
Later that night, I understood from God that I still had $80 to play. I convinced Gary to take me to the casino the next day. I didn't know if God would have me win or lose, but I was certain He wanted me to play the $80. I lost the $80 playing max bet. I was frustrated with Gary throwing his negative, fearful vibes onto to me while I played, and I mentioned it to him later, but he couldn't overcome his fear on our next visit to the casino.
I decided I was done going to the casino. I knew it wasn't because I lost the $80; I no longer enjoyed playing because of Gary's fears. He was convinced I wanted to stop because I lost.
Gary wanted to go to the casino again, and after I prayed, God convinced me to go. I was still $300 ahead of the game with my winnings when we went to our home casino where we first began playing. Gary played what he wanted to play, and then it was my turn. Before we went, I had decided to play $100. The max bet was $3. The moment I began to play, Gary not only voiced his opinion about how quickly I would lose my money playing max bet, but the fear vibes rained down on me and about strangled me. Every play I got more and more angry at what he was doing.
When I finished losing my $100, I was furious with Gary.
"I told you not to play max bet," he said.
"I'm not angry because I lost, I'm ANGRY because of YOU. I can't enjoy this because of your fears. If I ever go to the casino again, you get your own machine. I won't have you stand behind me covering me with your fear vibes. You take away all my fun."
It was a productive argument. He likes me to go with him. He likes to watch me play the casino games; he knows I enjoy them. If he couldn't control himself, he would have to go without me or play by himself while we were there. After 44 years, we still like to do things together.
He still wanted to go to the casino. I told him I planned to play $100 with max bet. He agreed to fight against his negative vibes and accept the way I wanted to play.
We decided to go again last night. I believe everything I have belongs to God. If He wanted me to play at a casino and win or lose His money, that was up to Him. I would do my best to listen and do what I believed He wanted me to do.
I inserted $20 at a time. If I doubled my money, I cashed out that $20 and put in another $20. When I used my $100, I thought I wasn't finished. I inserted one of my cashed-out tickets and soon won $1257.
Then I made a mistake.
Before I won, I knew I was okay if I won or lost. After I won and continued playing, I only wanted to win again. I decided to insert the rest of my tickets (except the big one) and told Gary I could AFFORD to play more.
I won some money and lost some, and finally the extra winnings were gone, but I still had my $1257. It seemed good.
But something nagged at me.
As I worked through the nagging voice, I knew I wanted to win again while I played the money I could afford to lose.
And then I understood.
How did I know what I could afford if it wasn't my money? God didn't lead me to gamble the smaller winnings. I gambled it because I thought I could afford it. I was okay if I won or lost while I played God's way, but with every spin I played for the wrong reason, I felt myself beg God for another win. That's not what I do. I want God's will, not my own. When I took that wrong turn, I was no longer in God's will, and my flesh took over.
God reminded me of something I already knew, but now I understood it at a new level: everything I do with His money is important. I won't buy something or spend money because I believe I can afford it or for any other reason except because I believe it's God's will.
Thank you, Lord, for another lesson.
| Author Notes | Thank you, AnnaLinda for your artwork, "Casino." |
By samandlancelot
3/29/21 update:
Gary and I went to the casino today. God gave me the plan to spend $200. After I played the $200, I still had $243 in the machine. Something spiritual happened, and I began to struggle. I had the opportunity to cash out, recover my $200 and make a $43 profit. But what did God want me to do?
I struggled about ten minutes while I continued to play but hated every minute of it because I didn't know what to do. Then I understood God sent me to spend $200. He hadn't shown me to cash out with a profit. I relaxed and continued to play.
Eventually I spent the $243. I was glad I knew what to do, and I didn't mind losing as long as I did what God asked of me.
Later I realized the reason I began to struggle is because Satan let me know in advance I would lose the $243. All I had to do was cash out, and I wouldn't lose anything. At the time, I didn't know that's what my struggle was about. Sometimes things come in from the spirit world, I know it comes in, but I can't see what it is until later.
If I had cashed out my $243 ticket, Satan would have won that round of whatever this fight is about.
I await God's next direction. I don't believe it's over yet.
By samandlancelot
3/30/21 update:
The moment I became obsessed with winning again after my $1257 win the other day (I didn't understand this until this morning), Satan had told me something that was true: I would win the jackpot. I had $1257 I could have used toward winning the jackpot that night (also true). But I wasn't to spend it that night toward winning the jackpot; it wasn't yet God's will.
As I wrote in my last update, Satan also told me I would lose if I continued to play yesterday; therefore, I should cash out and cut my losses. But, it was God's will that I lose.
When Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness: he told Jesus the truth first, and then he showed the lie of what to do with the information he gave. Everything Satan promised Jesus was already God's plan to give, but not the way Satan offered: without the cross and without God.
It was true, I will win the jackpot. I don't know when, but first, I needed to take my $1257 winnings home. It was true, I was going to lose $200 yesterday, but I needed to continue playing in spite of the impending loss.
Stay tuned. . .
| Author Notes | Matthew chapter 4 |
By samandlancelot
Update 3/31/21:
Yesterday morning I felt joy overtake me, and I was certain God was with me. A few hours later, as Gary and I headed for the casino, I knew we would win, and that knowledge came from God.
I planned to play $200 from my past winnings. As I played max bet at $3, the money dwindled quickly and soon ran out. I felt anxious because what I believed God told me contrasted with the evidence before me. I kept rearranging my thoughts trying to fit God's revelation to me into the picture, but without God's understanding, I knew that wouldn't work.
I played another $200 with the same anxiety level and the same results.
Gary asked me to get another $200 from the ATM. This was unusual for him, especially with our losing streak. I didn't think we would win, but perhaps one more time would give us the win God predicted would come.
When our credits dipped below $50, I knew we wouldn't win. Losing the money wasn't the problem for me, but if I were wrong about what God showed me, I couldn't trust that I could hear Him. I knew He told me we would win.
At the end of our trip to the casino, we had gambled $677.
But we won, as God told me we would.
On our way home, Gary said he wanted the last $200 from the ATM for the last money we would ever spend at a casino. If we couldn't win with all the money we spent, we would never win, and we would never go back.
That's when I knew the victory God promised wasn't a win at the casino, it was a win against the casino. At the end of our gambling spree, we won $925 more than we lost. Since we aren't going back, that's what we won, and that's what we'll keep.
Gary wanted to make one more stop on our way home to get a lottery ticket.
"After all the gambling and the decision to not return, do you really want to continue gambling with lottery tickets?" I asked.
He didn't buy a lottery ticket. Is it over for him? I don't know.
When we avoid traveling roads that can lead our flesh to dangerous places, our desires might go into hiding, but they don't go away. When God sends us into the fire of our addictions and other weaknesses, we must go. He will burn off the dross, clean us up nicely and get us ready for the next round.
By samandlancelot
Update 4/3/21
In the last chapter, God told me we would win at the casino, and we lost at the casino. When Gary said we wouldn't return, I knew that was our win. We were ahead $925, and we would keep those winnings.
God got us ready for the next round.
Gary wanted to return to the casino today. I thought I would watch Gary and not play, and then God's Word about my winnings would still hold true. Then I realized God wanted me to play. I thought I already wrote my last chapter for this story, and I could look like a fool if I were wrong, but I'd rather look like a fool than to follow the wrong path.
The right path is to go where God sends me, no matter how it makes me look to others or to myself.
Unlike our visits prior to today, we decided to both play on different machines. I input my $100 into my machine. I had no direction from God. Every play I wanted to win, but I also wanted to know God's will. How should I look at this while I'm playing? I didn't want to go after the wins. I wanted God's will. He wanted me to play, but I had no direction beyond that.
At the end of our casino trip, Gary won $24, and I lost $100.
Fine.
But what did it mean?
I struggled. I prayed. Why did God want me to go back?
I believe He answered me.
Gary’s decision to stop going to the casino gave me my win; his decision to go back took it away. The plan is to give the casino back their money each time we go.
God's goal isn't that I win on the gaming machines. It helps to know that so I'm not looking for a win God doesn't plan to give me.
That's the plan I have from God today, and it is good.
By samandlancelot
Update 4/8/21:
In my last update, I thought God's plan was for me to play at the casino until I gave all my winnings back. I was at a place where I didn't mind losing.
That's the way it is on my walk with God. There are two sides to me: one that desires to satisfy my flesh and one that desires to please God. I can't always tell which side I'm on.
If I don't mind where I'm at or where I'm going, there's no tension. I sleep well. I feel peace. But peace without the battle accomplishes nothing. Tension and turmoil precede my peace with God and comes during breaks before the next battle begins.
Some people believe it's crazy to think God speaks to me, but if you don't believe He speaks to you, you won't hear Him if He tries. The problem with hearing God is you will also hear Satan. You can't tell the difference until what you hear goes through the refining fire. Satan tells you things that make sense and sound godly. God tells you things that don't make sense and sometimes appears to go against God's teaching in the Bible.
It's like when Jesus refused to condemn the woman caught in adultery. Biblical teachings from the Old Testament directed both the woman and the man be stoned to death.
In Acts 10:24, God showed Peter in a vision not to call anything unclean. It prepared him to visit Cornelius, a foreigner, unlawful for Jews to visit. God called things unclean in the Old Testament, but He showed Peter not to call them unclean.
On to the gambling update. I was fine with losing. Gary was the one who decided to return to the casino. I thought if I played, I would lose my previous winnings. But then I wasn't okay with losing. That's when the two sides within me clashed. The side that was okay with losing didn't want tension. Then God's side stirred up the pot and I knew I wasn't okay with going to casino with the knowledge I would lose if I played.
The answer seemed simple: If I don't play, I won't lose.
During our next visit 4/5/21, I didn't play. I watched while Gary played and won $25. I could tell I still felt the desire to play, but I believed I was done.
Yesterday I heard something new: If I don't play, Satan won't lose.
Some say if you don't play you won't win. I had heard if I don't play, I won't lose. Now if I don't play, Satan won't lose. It changes everything.
God's plan isn't about giving my winnings back to the casino through gambling losses; it's so Satan will lose this battle. I don't know what the battle is or what victory will look like, but I'm prepared to gamble during our next casino visit. If I don't play, Satan won't lose.
| Author Notes | Thanks for reading. I appreciate all who have shown concern about my gambling with God and who pray for me. |
By samandlancelot
Update 4/12/21:
From my last update: if I don't play at the casino, Satan won't lose.
The idea of Satan losing was stirred up when I thought I would still lose the money I won from the casino, but it wouldn't be my loss; it would be Satan's. These are the times rationalization interferes with the truth.
When I first heard Satan would lose, I knew it was his loss and not mine. Then when I heard it was my loss, too, but it wouldn't count as my loss, I didn't believe it came from God. Although I didn't believe it, an attempt to force this on me pervaded my assurance until God confirmed not only would Satan lose, but I would win. My win would be his loss.
I didn't know when the win would happen, but I listened, and we went to the casino 4/10/21. My plan was to play with $120. As I played, I knew God wasn't with me. The only direction He gave me was to go, but nothing else. After I had lost half the money and a turnaround didn't look promising, a prediction came to my mind that I would lose my full investment in the game. I felt certain my feeling did not come from the truth, and I fought against its attempt to move in.
I didn't believe it was the day we would win because I could tell God wasn't with me while I played. When the night was done, I lost $20. Gary didn't play; he only watched.
What I now believe: my win at the casino will be Satan's loss, because it will lead to Gary's salvation. I read every chapter of this book to him. He knows what I believe God told me in advance. Gary knows we are not lucky.
We plan to go again today. We'll see what God does this time.
By samandlancelot
Chapter 8
4/12/21
God was with me as I played today. I knew to move from machine to machine. He guided me throughout. After I spent my $100 to get my $15 free play, I felt ready to stop at $134, but I knew Gary would want his $15 free play, so I decided to play another $100.
That's where I made mistake. I was finished playing and with a profit. Once I continued, I realized God was no longer leading me. We were down to $24 when Gary decided to change machines. We improved our lot to $83 when Gary was ready to leave. During this time, I fought to regain my position with God. I believed it wasn't time to leave. I changed machines. On my third spin I recovered my losses, and we finished with $1.79 profit.
I learned that I can't play for Gary's sake. Once I crossed that line, God no longer guided me.
4/15/21
I didn't have direction to go to the casino, but Gary decided to go, and with time, it seemed good. I didn't want to chase after the free play available with our coupon. I wasn't playing for the win, and I wasn't playing for more chances to play; I played because God wanted me to play. Gary decided to play the first $50 for the $10 free play. While I played Gary's $50 and he watched, I prayed for what I was to do when we finished. I wanted God's direction. When Gary's money was almost spent, I knew the machine we would play on with my $100.
On my first spin, I won about $30. Then I realized the bet was $1.50 instead of the minimum $.50 I had planned to play. I paused not sure if I should continue at $1.50. Gary's goal is to be there awhile, but mine wasn't. I want to get the job done God sent me there to do and move on. If we're going win or if we're going to lose, it will happen regardless of the amount I bet. I began to lose more quickly with the higher bet. Gary was already angry he lost his $50, and his anger increased as my higher bets quickened my losses.
When I neared the end of my $100, I wasn't sure I should stop. I had thought I would spend $100, but I also thought I would bet $.50. I didn't know, so I played another $20, and then another $20. Then Gary decided to play on another machine, and he spent another $20. By the end of our visit we lost $210.
Gary was furious. He said he would never go to the casino again.
I was pleased, not with Gary's anger or our losses, but I knew God showed me how to play, and that's how I played. The only part I was unsure of was the extra $40 I invested in our loss.
I understood something new: Whether it's God's will for me to win or lose, I can play the higher bet and finish my task sooner.
There was something else I realized: after every win, I need to prepare for the next battle.
We're still $648 ahead.
By samandlancelot
4/18/21
We lost $130 at the casino last night; we're still ahead $518.
Before we went to the casino last night, I had direction: I would spend $100, and no more. I would play $3 max bet on the Quick Hit machine. My feelings made me suspicious: I wanted to win. I was certain God directed me on how to play, but I wasn't sure if I agreed with Him about winning. When my feelings are about God's will and not about what I want for the result, I know I agree with Him. Any other feelings make me suspicious about which side I'm on.
Gary wanted to get in on the Hot Seat drawings, so he picked an eligible machine to play his money. He planned to invest $20, combined with my $100, so we would get two $10 free plays. After he lost the $20, he switched machines and lost another $40. Then I played my $100 and our two free play tickets. We were down $160, and we were ready to leave. I couldn't find my coat. It wasn't where I last left it. It wasn't turned in at the security desk, and then I found it laying on a wastebasket.
I was all set, ready to leave, but Gary didn't want to accept his losses. We found a new machine to play, and Gary played another $20. He had a good win and had recovered $75, but he wanted the last $5 that he lost. He stopped when he was down to $50.
He would not go to the casino again, until we got home and "the next time we go. . ."
If I don't play, Satan won't lose. We will win, and Satan will lose. Those truths are still alive in me.
This morning I have new direction: Gary and I are in this together. God gave me the $1257 win that pays for our visits. Until now, it was my win and whatever wins came from my plays were mine. That's about to change. I will continue to invest our winnings at the casino as God directs me, but going forward, we share the winnings.
By samandlancelot
4/20/21
Our winnings are dwindling. After last night's visit to the casino, we have $478 left of their money.
Gary is fed up with my God -- whom he doesn't believe exists -- because He isn't giving us wins at the casino.
I felt like giving up last night, but when it's time to end this, the direction will come from God, not from a reaction to my situation.
This morning, I'm ready for another round.
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