The scene opens on an out-of-the-way branch, near a remote part of the small town of Tweet City, U.S. of A. Six parakeets sit on the branch, making plans:

Red: (Spreading his wings out suggesting a need for space) I feel crowded on this branch. It's making me angry.

Orange: (Looking upward and not at Red) I'm not at all certain you were even invited to this meeting, Red.

Yellow: Please don't start an argument, Tangerine. (A look of desperation on her face)

Orange: Orange.

Yellow: Yes, that's a funny sound.

Orange: My name is --

Green: (Innocently smiling) I'm new here. What are we having a meeting about?

Blue: Who cares? Why even have meetings?

Purple: I called this meeting, so let's get started.

Red: I can't hear what Violet is saying.

Orange: If it involved you, someone will inform you later.

Yellow: Purple isn't violent. He simply called the meeting.

Green: I'm new here. I'm Green.

Blue: Why even have meetings?

Red: I never said he was vioLENT. I called him VioLET.

Yellow: His name is neither. He is Purple. A bird's bird. Our leader.

Green: I'm new here. I'm Green.

Purple: I called you together to plan a removal. We are going to eliminate the cat.

Red: Did he say we were going to incriminate Pat?

Green: Who's Pat? I'm new here.

Yellow: He said we're going to get rid of the cat.

Red: The cat's name is Pat?

Orange: (irritated) Why are you even here? You don't care, you're rude, and you seem to be deaf as well.
(Red quickly pecks Orange on the side of the head. She falls backwards and lands quietly in the bushes. There is a rustling in the bushes soon after. )

Yellow: Where is Tangerine?

Blue: Who cares?

Green: Why are we thinking of harming the cat? I'm new here.

Purple: We will need to lure the dumb feline to the street. There, agents from the human sector will spirit him away.

Yellow: Amazing! Brilliant!

Green: Who are these humans? I'm new.

Red: Come down here, Green; I'll clue you in.
(Green maneuvers around Yellow)

Yellow: Where is Tangerine?

Blue: She probably got tired of this meeting and went home.

Yellow: To answer Green's question, how are the humans involved?

Red: (to Green alone) Nice question. That should get a conversation going.
(Green  falls off the limb and disappears)

Yellow: Where did Green go?

Red: Who? Green? Was that his name? Isn't he the new guy?

Blue: He must be smarter than us and left early. Why have meetings?

Purple: The humans want the cat gone as much or more than we do.
(Yellow maneuvers around Blue to get next to Purple)

Yellow: This is so impressive. You are truly a leader for our times.

Blue: (to Red) Why do we even care about the cat? He can't get to us.
(Red quickly pecks him on the side of the head. He falls to the already rustling bushes.

Yellow: Did Blue leave?

Red: Had a headache.

Purple: This was just an informational meeting, really. I will be luring the creature to the street myself.

Yellow: How may we help?

Purple: I was thinking we could have, as a backup, one of us on the ground pretending to be flightless and stranded there. That might get the cat's attention.
(Red suddenly grabs Yellow's right wing. Purple grabs her left wing. Together they break them and let the speechless bird fall to the ground below)

Purple: Well -- that went very well.

Red: Just one more item.

Purple: I thought the plan with the cat was to offer up these others in return for staying away from us?

Red: Right, but he especially wanted you.

Purple: Well, Red. You'll find me a bit more of a challenge than those others.

Red: That's why I got backup. (fluttering and landing behind Purple was Green)

Green: Hi! I'm new here. (Green pecks Purple on the side of the head. He falls.)

Red: Now THAT went very well.

Green: When's the next meeting.

Red: Whenever these humans replace their parakeets. This is my regular gig. Me and cat go way back.

Green: Same here. (Scene ends with Green moving closer to Red.  Lights out.) 

(Lights go up a few seconds later.  From a rustling bush a cat steps out with bright RED feathers in its mouth.)
 

Author Notes

Image from Google Parakeet World 5

Parakeets are neat;

not tidy neat, like clean feet;

not straight up Jim Beam.

They are cheery and quite sweet;

Best pet; complete. PARAKEET
 

Chapter 160
Parakeet World 7

By Bill Schott

I

am a

parakeet.

My name is Pete.

I like to complete

New York Times word puzzles,

sing karaoke in bars,

conjugate verbs, do sudoku,

and stuff like that. Mostly, though, I sit.

Behold my kingdom, mortals, and tremble.


 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 161
Parakeet World 8

By Bill Schott

From parakeets on the streets

to a humble, huddled prattle;

Polly wants a cracker, Jack,

or even Fiddle-Faddle.


A quartet of parakeets

now singing in a cage;

within these pretty singers --

angry aves rage.

Author Notes

Image from Google aves (ahv-ayz)

Chapter 162
Parakeet World 9

By Bill Schott

Having problems with your parakeet?

Don't throw your wings up in defeat.

Call 1-800- MAN-OMAN,

for caged bird expert, Dandy Dan.


Dan is a bird whisperer,

an all-things-ave ent’preneur ;

he gets your bird to dance and sing

or basically just anything.


He'll get that parakeet to laugh

climb a rope or take a bath

play piano, quote Shakespeare

pull a nickel from your ear.


The bird will imitate a fish,

a snake, a pig, if that's your wish;

A fourth for bridge? Carry your bags?

Your enemies will wear toe tags.


Anything from A to Zoo,

he'll teach your parakeet to do;

so call that number right away

make owning pretty Polly pay.





 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 163
Ode to a Parakeet

By Bill Schott

An Ode from John "Para" Keats remembered

was written in a wintry mood --Decembered;

From all the wording readers would infer

that snow, like angel dandruff, did occur.


The parakeet, a sprite within a basket,

left on the porch, the wire home his casket;

brought inside to thaw beside the fire,

wet wings ignited so--a funeral pyre.


Perhaps in some far jungle there exists,

upon a shoot, silhouetted in the mist,

a happy parakeet who wasn't chosen,

to burn up in the cage in which he'd frozen.

 

Author Notes

Parakeet World 10 Apologies to Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats Image from Google

Chapter 164
Jellyfish World 1

By Bill Schott

There was a boy named Aloysius

what used to play wit jellyfishes

he'd hold 'em in his arms for play

atil they stung his throat one day

a couple dozen did the stingin'

Alo heard the angels singin'

or was it mermaids wit a song

'bout holdin' jellyfishes wrong

neit'er really matters though

'cause he survived it, don't cha know
 

Chapter 165
Jellyfish World 2

By Bill Schott

Fish inside a jellyfish

looks just like a genie wish

flounder thinks he's doing well

directing this freeloading gel

until a shark goes swish swish by

and eats this jellyfish-fish pie
 

 

Chapter 166
Jellyfish World 3

By Bill Schott

 

When out of one's element,

gossamer turns globulent;

what was fluid is now cement;

indignity will complement

how this dreaded end is spent;

Life was joy -- then it went.
 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 167
Jellyfish World 4

By Bill Schott

 

How to make a jellyfish --

if you ain't God:


You'll need these simple items

to make its bod;


a Mr. Coffee filter and

some paper -- crepe;

find some Elmer's glue,

or use some tape;


use some safety scissors

and cut out eyes,*

ovals that will be put

on the filters, guys.


Now -- filter, upside down,

and attach crey "legs";

glue the oval eyes on --

yes they're eyes, not eggs;


hang it from the ceiling

and your friends will clap,

or if they're friends like mine --

they'll call it crap.


* Cut paper eyes for pity's sake!!!.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 168
Jellyfish World 5

By Bill Schott

Jason is an
  Ectoplasm
    Like no other
      Linking his world and
        Yours as he
      Finds the
    Innumerable connections
  Slowly revealing his
Humanity

 

Chapter 169
Jellyfish World 6

By Bill Schott

Bodies composed of
  bell-shaped
    jellylike substance
enclosing an internal structure
  allowing
   tentacle suspense

Each tentacle is covered
  with stinging cells
    called cnidocytes
that stun or kill
  to secure prey
    or in defense in sea fights.

Author Notes

Image from Google Science day.

Chapter 170
Jellyfish World 7

By Bill Schott

Once there was a jellyfish t'

you could rub -- get what you wished

but he had stingers

stung some fingers

so one day he got SQUISHED



 

Author Notes

Thanks to Aylaca for use of the image

Chapter 171
Snail World 1

By Bill Schott

Snail on the highway

traffic seems so treacherous

no lead foot today

 

Chapter 172
Snail World 2

By Bill Schott

Mobile neighborhood

house in tow; they park tonight

tomorrow -- speed off

 

Chapter 173
Snail World 3

By Bill Schott

There once was a snail eating lettuce,

with kids who would say, "You don't get us."

We don't like this roughage,

want some pizza and stuffage,

but their mom was slow to change.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 174
Snail World 4

By Bill Schott

The snail sailed around the brim,
of a cup that belonged to Jungle Jim,
on a day when the way of the world was dim,
and this circumnavigation got the best of him.

An hour sped by on the rim of that cup;
How long would it be until Jungle Jim's sup?
Would it be a surprise when he picked his cup up
and discovered a snail as cute as a pup?

The moment arrived at the end of the day,
when Jungle Jim came to his cabin to stay,
and have a nice cup of tea, and then lay
back in a lounger and let music play.

He noticed a snail had slid on the mug,
so he picked it off and and gave a slight shrug,
popped the thing in his mouth and took a chug
of some hot brewed tea as he swallowed the slug.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 175
Snail World 5

By Bill Schott

 

"Snop meh pictor, Som"

said the snail from Rotterdam.

Said Sam to the snail,

"Yall go straight ta hail!"

The snail was heard to say, "Dahm!"

 

Author Notes

Image from Google I guess Sam was in no mood to take snail pix on that day. He really needs to decaffeinate. I worry. Also, snails talk. Who knew?

Chapter 176
Snail World 6

By Bill Schott

The fast-paced world of snail farming

can have its moments when alarming

and also pastoral and charming

here is the usual tack


Morning milking never fails

to find those heavy, bleating snails

filling little thimble pails

which are moved into the back


As snail drivers ring their bells

slugs slide swiftly out of shells

which, when collected, Granny sells

to keep the bills on track


The naked mollusks will then crawl

through a hall which holds them all

to where the butchers' axes fall

processors slice and hack


Then -- another morning comes

a million snails ride out in drums

a million more meet milking chums

so goes this farming hack

 

Chapter 177
Snail World 7

By Bill Schott

 

I asked

a snail to race

around the stinking block;

winner wins the loser's pink slip.

Don't ask.

Author Notes

Image from Google pink slip = is a car title Not my foot.

Chapter 178
Snail World 8

By Bill Schott

Snot for feet he glides along,

Not a speedster, that's for sure;

Always home, though on the move,

In a world he must endure.

Look! It's a snail.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to CammyCards for use of the art

Chapter 179
Snail World 9

By Bill Schott

If I were to a snail a sonnet write,

which spoke, when read, the content of a soul;

how could that writing e'er be understood,

by slug with mind as empty as a hole.


Onto a second stanza I have leapt,

gathering sweet notions for dispatching;

Has it now been a day since I have slept?

It feels like a head cold I am catching.


Yet even though I'm sleep deprived and sickly,

I can compose apostrophes to snails;

they may learn, albeit, not too quickly,

that I can conjure verse for all their tales.


Now if there's some who started reading late,

here's a sonnet, suitable to orate.

 

Chapter 180
Snail World 10

By Bill Schott

Two snails met to run a race,

found a slug to set the pace;

all set for the quarter mile,

then thought that might take awhile.


Passing inch worms said, "A-hem,"

gave advice to both of them;

"Take the sidewalk down the block,

beat each other and the clock."


Off they sped, a race to win,

sidewalk scratched their snaily skin;

one pulled ahead at the end,

and beat his other snail friend.


No sad mollusk left that day,

happily they slunk away;

Now with garlic, butter, wine--

they will be on what I dine.
 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 181
Shrew World 1

By Bill Schott

 

If you've nothing else to do,

write a poem about a shrew;

it's the smallest mammal, mon,

but it is fierce like Kubla Kahn.


Shrews have got a nasty rep,

being full of pesky pep;

bellies, bottomless, it's said,

not much brain inside its head.


Attack of the Giant Killer Shrews,

a great sci-fi flick if you choose;

but if their defeat makes you burn,

they made a sequel -- shrews return.


So we have this rhymey piece,

about these things that look like meese,

so the saga has begun --

Shrew World, Baby!  Shrew World One.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 182
Shrew World 2

By Bill Schott

How would you keep a shrew in a zoo?

A cage wouldn't do.

When would you feed it?

When would you quit?

How would you react if it came after you?


How would you show a shrew a good time?

Write it some rhyme?

Where would it sleep?

A place that is cheap?

Sharing Shrew World Two was sublime.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 183
Shrew World 3

By Bill Schott

Of all the hobbies to spend some time with,

there is one I'd recommendith;

sure it's fun to capture rats,

but trapping shrews is where it ats.


Imagine if you will a giant fellow,

towering above us like a --  "Hello?"

"Yes, we were wondering if this poem was going to get any better.

If not, we'd like to use this space to knit a sweater."

"I do not imagine that it will get much better, no. 

However, I am controling this space now, soooooo --"


Imagine if you will a giant fellow,

like the Sta-puff guy made of marshmellow;

you see, that's you, to a tiny shrew,

so, we can do this, and this is how we do.


First we find a shrew that's on the loose,

most will be, so there'll be many cloose;

that will lead us right to where they are,

that's when you screw the top off the jar. 


"What jar? When did we get a jar?"

"Who is "We" and why are you har?"

"Why are we 'har'? What's that about?"

"Please let me finish and then you'll find out."


.
Lefty loosely, remove the lid,

place the jar where shrew are hid;

soon the shrew will fill the glass,

replace the cap and let time pass.


If you’re not sure that this will do,

and just can’t suffocate a shrew;

perhaps we could have a tea,

serve earl grey, some chips, and Brie.


Negotiate a shrew-you peace,

so hostile action soon will cease;

I guess this trap will set you free,

here  we’re ending Shrew World Three.



 

Author Notes

All misspellings and odd usage is intentional. Image from Google

Chapter 184
Shrew World 4

By Bill Schott

Shakespeare's Kate was not much fun

Her father wished she'd been a son

Randy Lou sure wanted Bee

Employed Pat to 'shake her tree'

When it's all done, all parties score

Shrew gets tamed ---- Shrew World Four

Author Notes

Characters from Taming of the Shrew Kate = Katherina Lou = Lucentio Pat = Petruchio Bee = Bianca Thanks to Anne for use of the art

Chapter 185
Shrew World 5

By Bill Schott

 

I could have kissed that cockatoo

that swallowed that unwanted shrew,

then said, "That is the end of you!"

Birds can talk? I never knew.


Unfortunately, shrews are tough,

and getting eaten's not enough

to count them out when times are rough;

that cockatoo was feeling stuff.


A zig and zagging in its gut

then horrid gas shot out its butt

its breast split open and out jut

a shrewish head from that rude cut.


The feathered corpse fell to the floor,

"That's all there is; there ain't no more."

were it's final words, not "Nevermore."

Then the shrew raised from the gore.


"Y'know I've got a little issue,"

he said while wiping dead bird tissue

from his eyes, "I kinda wish you

hadn't done that. Now I'm pished, you!"


Shrews can talk!  I never knew that.

They also look like a tiny rat,

which piqued the interest of the cat,

who ate the shrew, and that was that.



Moral: Never send a cockatoo to do what a cat can do.
 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 186
Shrew World 6

By Bill Schott

Shrew

is due

a review.

It's up to you

to see all this through.

May seem strange, but so true,

like milking fish in Peru,

or riding ants in Katmandu.

The best shrew data is fresh and new,

so let's view new due true shrew data too.


 

Author Notes

Doesnâ??t this look like a shrew?

Chapter 187
Shrew World 9

By Bill Schott

There was a small rodent we knew

who saw the whole world as a stew

like a bottomless pit

he would eat and not quit

from morning until he was shrew

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 188
Shrew World 10

By Bill Schott

 

Bunny, the mommy,

has got a brand new shrew baby;

weekend in Vegas,

a few too many, maybe.

She was obviously shrewd.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 189
Whale World 1

By Bill Schott

Ahab beat the whale;

it costs a leg, crew, and life...

Moby he was wrong?

 

Author Notes

At sea one day, you'll smell land where there'll be no land, and on that day Ahab will go to his grave, but he'll rise again within the hour. He will rise and beckon. Then all--all save one shall follow. from MOBY DICK

Chapter 190
Whale World 2

By Bill Schott

I think the krill was --

Wwwoww! Krill might be bad, Bro. Wwwoww!

I mean, y'know -- Wwwwowww!

Author Notes

Whales eat huge amounts of krill, which are tiny fish.

Chapter 191
Whale World 3

By Bill Schott

 

Wendel Whale wants to know,

or so his buddy says,

Is this the town of Cocomo?

Can he wear a funny fez?

Is there life after one beaches,

or is this quite the end?

Can we check his back for leeches?

Take a selfie. Shoot and send.

Whale can't live on krill alone,

he said through his translator,

nor live long without water (moan)

Gone Fishin'. See ya later.











 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 192
Whale World 4

By Bill Schott

The joys of Spring reach out we see

and touch the whales out at sea

like baloonated baleen buoys

they float above and share the joys of Spring

Reach out we see

Reach out to sea

The grandest heliumated mammals

course the cloud-filled sky like camels

light-air-lifted Leviathan

float above and love the joys of Spring

 

Author Notes

baloonated = made up word form of balloon baleen = type of whale heliumated made up word form of helium Leviathan = biblical reference to an ancient whale now referred to as Livyatan Image from Google

Chapter 193
Whale World 5

By Bill Schott

Abbie and Zeke and the sea lion, Liam,

traveled about on the snout of a whale;

beneath the sea nobody could see 'em,

so let's begin this marine mammal tale.


Avoiding the villains from Badbullyville,

Abbie and Zeke met up with a seal;

down by the ocean, as if by their will,

up from the water appeared Ms. Lucile.


Liam then stated, which seemed very odd,

that they could escape on top of this fish;

Abbie rewarded him with a cod,

that she pulled from a bag, as if making a wish.


Zeke thought to speak, but found he was mute,

forces somewhere refused words for his mouth;

Lucile thought that the trio was cute,

so let them up top, then headed due South.


The victimless villains of that bad bully townt

complained to the god of poetry plots;

"Why's it dat dem two kids doan get drownt?"

They awaited an answer tying nautical knots.


So away on adventure the four gaily sailed,

Abbie and Zeke and Liam and Luce;

under the sea they speedily whaled,

their current  location -- I'll leave up to yous.


 

Author Notes

All misspellings are intentional. Image from Google

Chapter 194
Whale World 6

By Bill Schott

Wandering the ocean depths

Herman Melville's hunted demon

Ismael tells the epic tale

Taken lives of salty seamen

Evermore remembered here


When the brine claims Piquod souls

Home will swim the lone survivor

Ahab's obsession is his death

Laying lower than a diver

Evermore residing there

Chapter 195
Whale World 7

By Bill Schott

Wilma Whale met Sidney Snail

while whalaxing on the beach;

Sid set himself upon her tail

she seemed so out of reach.


Sluggishly he said to her,

"I think we've met before."

"I'm whalely sure I'd remember, sir --"

"On the dance or -- ocean floor."


"I've been on neither," she negated,

and I'm new here on the shore."

Sidney tried not to be deflated,

as he was sure they'd met before.


"In anudder life," said the daisy, Leif,

"peerhops ya two was morried."

"And with romance rife on the randy reef --

to the present it has carried."


"Please take this popcorn that I brought,"

said Sidney to Ms. Whale;

then, as just an after thought,

said, "I wish you were a snail."


It must have echoed twenty times,

"You what!? You what!? You what!?"

Wilma wept through the romance rimes,

as in the surf she quickly cut.


Whatever bubble was created

burst there on the beach;

Sidney slimed away, defeated...

What lesson does this teach?









 

Author Notes

Leif = pronounced here as 'Leaf' Rime =frost formed on cold objects

Chapter 196
Whale World 8

By Bill Schott

We climb upon the rusty whale's back

not the tremendous beast I knew in youth

the chilly pools once fed by crispy pipes

now worn and pitted holes reflecting heat


Once a dime would buy our whale ride

a romp about this monster metal slide

in summer heat we'd frolic hour by hour

imagining behemoth's peerless power


Today, however, beached here in the desert

faded blue and primer gray I've found

what swelled our nautic minds and filled our days

splashes only echoes of that splendid time

 

Author Notes

Thanks to HelloKitty2013 for use of the artwork.

Chapter 197
Whale World 10

By Bill Schott

"Thar

she blows!"

exhausting

spouting water

as the behemoth rises from the depths

 

Author Notes

Thanks to iPhone7 for use of the image.

Chapter 198
Bee World 1

By Bill Schott

The Pollinator

Benny Bee works overtime

his business on his back

 

Author Notes

Thanks to Life is but a dream ... for use of the image

Chapter 199
Bee World 2

By Bill Schott

Careful of Collin

he's bound to take your pollen

he won't be staying

soon fly awaying

on others he'll be callin’


 

Author Notes

Thanks to willie for use of the image

Chapter 200
Bee World 3

By Bill Schott

 

Here be two balloons,

two bee balloons arisin';

both Helium and Shelium

above the bold horizon.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to Browncat for use of the pic

Chapter 201
Bee World 4

By Bill Schott

Plato placed his posh patoot

upon the pretty, purple petals,

then sucked some syrup in his snoot

avoiding noted, nicking nettles.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to PessieSpitzer for use of the art

Chapter 202
Bee World 5

By Bill Schott

 

Look! I can explain!

It was all over me, bee!

Seemed so natural.

Author Notes

Thanks to Kathy Schipper Art for use of the photo art

Chapter 203
Bee World 6

By Bill Schott

So I hear buzz buzz

Bertram is buzzzz buzzzzz back, Boyd.

That's what I hummmmmmmmmm heard.

He buzzzzz better keep buzzzz back

or I'll buzz buzz buzz -- sting him.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to lacrikit1 for use of the art photo

Chapter 204
Bee World 7

By Bill Schott

What happened to you two?

We 'topped to 'mell a brose.

You mean R O S E -- there's no bee in it.

'ere wath in 'hiss one.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google From a very old joke.

Chapter 205
Bee World 10

By Bill Schott

Before beryllium batteries
become basic bartering bits,
businesses better buffer backup bonuses
between beneficial billionaires.
Buy batteries, Babe!
Bye.

Chapter 206
Amoeba World

By Bill Schott

A one-cell creature

I can't get out of my head

It's eating my brain

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 207
Amoeba World 2

By Bill Schott

Maybe amoeba

are Gemini or Libra

Read their microscope

Chapter 208
Amoeba World 3

By Bill Schott

                              Amoeba are so tiny,

                              Most cannot be seen;

                              Others in the ocean,

                              Each grow to be obscenely

                              Big -- you know --

                              Amoeba-wise.

Chapter 209
Amoeba World 4

By Bill Schott

Archibald Amoeba
was the wide receivah
the running bac-te-ri-a
was Jamokka Germ

It was the Protozoan Bowl
with athletes quite microbial
sports agents who would 'cell' your soul
to represent a worm

Archie caught a forward pass
flea-flickered in this Petri glass
he ran a mile, well, just a dash
which made defenders squirm

Crossed the end zone 'ventu'ly'
what some would call an STD
his glory shared from sea to sea
by banner waving sperm









 

Chapter 210
Amoeba World 5

By Bill Schott

Her first name was Sheba
worked part time for FEBA
had an ace up her sleeve
when it came to bullfighting

She was a giant amoeba
in an old Karman Ghia
in a park in Korea
had a UFO sighting

Wait! Wait! This is too weird
exactly as I and Sheba feared
so you've been UFOed or Korea-ed
eaten carrot cake without icing

Should I try again to save this verse
or can I only make it worse
I'll try to save it with this ending
or not

Author Notes

Thanks to Rahul D'Harmental for use of the art

Chapter 211
Amoeba World 6

By Bill Schott

 An unnamed white blood cell meets up with Arriba Amoeba in someone's heart.


WBC: Hey, Doll. You're not from around here.

AA: What was your first clue, Mr. Holmes?

WBC: It's my job to know who belongs and who doesn't.

AA: So what's your deduction, Mr. Taxman?

WBC: Are you a nerve cell?

AA: No, but you’re getting on my last one.

WBC: Are you a plant cell?

AA: Let me demote you to Dr. Watson.

WBC: You are a cell, right?

AA: If you're buying, Professor.

WBC: Okay, so you're a cell. Are you a red blood cell?

AA: Are you new on the job?

A red blood cell stops by.

RBC: What is occurring, Dubyah?

WBC: This unidentified cell is resisting my efforts to identify her.

AA: He's all over me.

WBC: It's my job to --
 
AA: Profile and harass?

RBC: Hi, Miss. My name's Rudolph.

AA: Arriba Amoeba

WBC : Amoeba!

RBC: Any relation to Disraeli and Terrance Amoeba?

AA: Cousins. I refer to them as Dis and Terry.

RBC:  They started that movement down in Mexico. 

AA:  I’ll take a bowel for them.  

WBC:  We can’t have any amoebas here.

RBC:  Look, I’ve got a load of oxy I’m schlepping up to the brains of this outfit. Tag along?

AA:  I’ve only got one cell to live, Red.

Fade to black.

Chapter 212
Amoeba World 7

By Bill Schott

A
one-celled
animal
tougher than MoE ?
BAh !

Chapter 213
Amoeba Wars

By Bill Schott

German chemists say,

"Amoeba! Ach du liebe!"

"Oh Dios mio!"

cry the Spanish quimico.

The giant amoeba STRIKES !!

 

Author Notes

Ach du liebe = German..... "For crying out loud!" or other such exclamation. quimico = Spanish.... Chemist Amoeba World 8 Thanks to GaliaG for use of the neat artwork.

Chapter 214
Amoeba World 9

By Bill Schott

Solely cellular

Amoeba

Alone ... Together

 

Author Notes

Thanks to David Ruhl for use of the artwork

Chapter 215
The Amazing BacteriAmoeba

By Bill Schott

Milliliter Larker, a one-thousandth-of-a-gram weakling amoeba, was visiting the science lab with the rest of her biology experiment. While wandering in a back corner of the Petri dish, she was bitten by a radioactive bacteria.

Later, she developed bacteria qualities. Since those were less than she already possessed, she ended up getting beaten up by the other Protozoa.

Eventually she mastered her reduced abilities and began fighting crime.  She battled Dr. Dodecapus, a paramecium with twelve cilium, the Rhinovirus, and Electrauma, a small, self-important germ masquerading as President of the United States.

Eventually the science experiment was over and the Petri dish was emptied into a toilet.

The End

 

Author Notes

Thanks to seshadri-sreenivasan for use of the artwork. Amoeba World 10 Homage to The Amazing Spider-Man, Peter Parker, Dr. Octopus, The Rhino, and Electro.

Chapter 216
Aardvark World 1

By Bill Schott

No one seems to like

Aaron and Amy Aardvak,

though we don't know why.


Ants anticipate

invasive tongues are coming;

aardvarks moving in.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 217
Aardvark World 2

By Bill Schott

 

New to the neighborhood,

Axel had not understood;

he's expected to wear pants,

and not stop in for a cup of ants.

When he's near the very young,

he should try to hold his tongue.

Otherwise he's free to roam,

and learn to love his brand new home.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 218
Aardvark World 3

By Bill Schott

Amos Aardvark did a
B-bop with a few
CCs of gin in him.
Dee Dee, his duchess, wrote poems like
e.e. cummings;
she sang one like a hymn.
 

Chapter 219
Aardvark World 4

By Bill Schott

Abraham Aardvark was sitting pretty,

after finding the towering termite city;

He ate them freely with no care at all

about his rising cholesterol.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to Barb BKer for use of the picture

Chapter 220
Aardvark World 5

By Bill Schott

Anzo the Anteater and Amadeus Aardvark

enjoyed the early evening in de Belleville Park;

They met about a year ago at a local Ants-R-Us,

found they'd a lot in common while talking on the bus.

Both had a tongue piercing and each a butt tattoo;

Anzo's was of Donald Duck and Amadeus -- Pooh.



They now roam together in a park in Paris, France,

Amadeus sleeps the day away, while Anzo looks for ants;

then at night, the aardvark, prowls historic streets,

for termite infestations and other yummy treats.

 

Together they are happy, living with the French,

laughing -- licking ants up, around an old park bench.

Author Notes

Photos from Diffen.com de Belleville Park is in France

Chapter 221
Aardvark World 6

By Bill Schott

Our scene opens on the bridge of the USS Moreau, a space ship traveling through the solar system in the year 2417. Captain Lion is getting a debriefing from Commander Bear and Lieutenant Aardvark after their return from the surface of the newly discovered ninth planet in the system, Mickezemutt.


Lion: What's it look like, Commander? Any chance of colonization?

Bear: Moy verst empwesson es dat eates do cald, Zir.

Lion: What about you, Lieutenant?

Aardvark: It remindth me of the happieth playth on Earth, Thir.

Lion: Disneyland?

Aardvark: I wath referring to ANTarctica.

Bear: Da loo-et-tin-net es gwite droll, Cupton.

Lion: I see he drools a lot.

Ensign Mink enters the room with a message and a tray of snacks.

Mink: Pardon me, Gentlemenimals. Captain, here is a directive from HQ.

Aardvark: Hector Quartzenhammer?

Bear: Homosexual Queer?

Lion: I'm relatively certain it's headquarters.

Bear: I was reverring do da loo-et-tin-net.

The captain reads the message and heads for the doorway.

Lion: Follow me!

Everyone files into the briefing room and has a seat.  Captain Lion sits in a throne with the letters MGM engraved on it. Commander Bear had a chair that was too hard for anyone else to want to sit in. Lieutenant Aardvark sat on  a pile of sand that seemed to be covered with termites. Ensign Mink simply stood in a provocative pose.

Lion: This message states that our discovery of this new planet coincides with ancient stories of a ninth planet named Pluto.

Bear: You mean like the god of the underworld?

Aardvark:  Wathn't that Hadeeth ?

Mink:  I thought the god of the underworld was Bluto?

Aardvark:  No, he wath Popeyeth ANTagonithst.

Lion:  At any rate, this discovery is simply a first landing on a body that is already known. It was dropped from most recorded archives as it was supposedly too small to be called a planet and too big to simply explode.

Bear:  What is to be done now, Cupton?

Lion:  HQ has an idea.

Both Commander Bear and Ensign Mink look at Lieutenant  Aardvark.

To be continued...










 

Author Notes

Moreau = Like The Island of Dr. Moreau. Humanoid animals? Get it? Image from Google

Chapter 222
Aardvark World 7

By Bill Schott

In the previous scene, the crew of the space vessel USS Moreau, humanoid animals genetically developed over a century to perform deep space missions, have discovered that the supposedly new planet they have been investigating is, in fact, Pluto.


The next scene opens on the shuttle deck of the USS Moreau. Captain Lion begins a briefing with Commander Bear, Lieutenant Aardvark, Ensign Mink, and the ship's civilian historian, Professor Gorilla.


Lion: I've called this meeting to tell you the new plan for Mickezemutt.

Bear: Yoom min Ploodo.

Lion: We're actually renaming it Planet 9 in Space.

Bear: Allove dat is name?

Aardvark: It remindth me of the worthst movie ever made, Thir.

Lion: Star Trek 5?

Mink: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?

Bear: Wandair Wooman Mehts da Trees Tooges?

Aardvark: I wath referring to Plan 9 From Outer Thpayth.

Bear: Da loo-et-tin-net es till gwite droll, Cupton.

Lion: Perhaps cotton balls in the cheeks would help.

Professor Gorilla chimes in and attention goes to her.

Gorilla:  Planet 9 in Space is the only body in the solar system, beyond Earth and moving outward, we have not colonized. That includes all of the moons orbiting the other planets. We need to develop a living environment here to prepare for future missions beyond this system.

Mink: Isn't it terribly cold, Professor? Similar, perhaps, to ice cubes melting on one's navel or other area of the skin's surface, all at once, and not in an enjoyable way? Is it Ms. or --

Bear:  Ooh woot bay goyn?

Professor: There are already volunteers to deploy and begin creating an environmental dwelling.

Aardvark: I thertainly will go!

Professor:  We can support another volunteer if you can be spared.

Bear: I wo helb do pock you bogs.

Lion: There is a detachment assigned to  permanently go ashore.

Professor:  I will be going, as will both Ensign Walrus and Ensign Bear.

Bear: Ensign Barr!  Dat es mide aughter. Chee es nawt goink!

Professor: She has been packed for weeks, Commander. With the exception of Lieutenant Aadvark, these volunteers have been prepared for this expedition for over a year.

Mink: Why are we only now hearing this?

Professor: The need for secrecy will become apparent before this meeting is over.


To be continued...

 

Author Notes

Image from Youtube.com

Chapter 223
Aardvark World 8

By Bill Schott

In the previous scene, the crew of the USS Moreau prepared to send a permanent detachment to the surface of Pluto (Planet 9 in Space) to begin a colony. Prior to departing, Professor Gorilla noted there was classified information that she was about to divulge.


Lion: There are some aspects of this mission it was elected to keep from the crew. I' m sorry, but as Professor Gorilla has said, it was necessary.

Bear: Noll mo lice, Cupton Lion.

Lion: First, Commander, my name isn't Lion.

Bear: Yo awl lion; wad elz cud yobee cult?

Aardvark: My naymth not ardthvark eether

Bear: Don telm ee -- you awl ion.

Mink: No, Commander. I am Lion.

Bear: Obcourz ! I im lion too!! Un mayd aughter izza keeta kad.

Aardvark: Sat's odd.

Lion: Calm down, Commander. There is a reason for all this deception.

Gorilla: Years of research has shown that only three types of Earth creatures can exist on Planet 9 in Space --- walruses, apes, and bears.

Mink: I am a walrus, Commander Bear.

Bear: You arr walrus an I im walrus. Odvark is coo-coo- rooch. Wad ah yo, Prafvessa? Da budderfly?

Professor: Calm down, Commander and let me explain.

Aardvark: Wath a coocooroodth?!

Lion: A small bug.

Aardvark: I would hafth to eath mythelf.

Bear: Ee-at may, Od fark!

Lion: That's enough! Professor, go ahead with your explanation.

Professor: Walruses, bears, and great apes have been genetically configured to survive in Kelvin range temperatures. They are also able to mate with each other.

Bear: Wad?!?!!

Professor: We hope to have a colony, within a few decades, that can conquer the land and sea there.

Bear: Zo yo haf mayd aughter mockink bobbies wif thees craytons?

Aardvark:  I'll be gintle. 

Professor: I'm afraid that, try as you might, you would not produce an offspring with Bear or me.

Aardvark:  Thumtimes thimply making sthee effort ith sthee beth reward.

Mink: We will need you here on the ship, Lieutenant. Defff-finitely

Bear: Why iz zo zeecrit?  Wad cud bay hart bay tellink pe-apple?

Lion:  The sun is in a pre-nova stage, Commander. We are on this mission to populate what will likely be the only planet with life on it within the next three centuries. This colony must thrive, create, advance, and, eventually, move out into deeper space. The solar system will be gone by the third millenium.

Aardvark:  I sink a thit my panth.

To be continued...

Author Notes

Image is from Google

Chapter 224
Aardvark World 9

By Bill Schott

In scene 3 it was revealed that the solar system has a half millennium of life left until the sun is gone. The USS Moreau will send Professor Gorilla, Ensign Bear, Ensign Walrus, and Lieutenant Aardvark down to Planet 9 in Space to colonize and prepare future generations to move further out into space.

Lion: I see only one problem with your expedition force, Professor.

Bear: Asside frem red-ic-u-loss cuncept?

Lion: That will be enough, Commander Bear.

Bear: No Barr; I im da gress-upper.

Aardvark: Sthat maykth me hungwy.

Bear: I woll cresh oo lik da ahnt!

Aardvark: Sthat maykth me hungwy ath well.

Gorilla: What is the problem you see, Captain Lion - er what is your name?

Lion:  My name is Smith. I am actually a human with lots of work done to make me appear as a lion.

Gorilla: What is the point of that? 

Smith:  I did the math; the screening process eliminated humans, so I went under the knife to look like the likely candidates -- lions.

Mink: My name is Lion, but I'm actually a walrus. I've had a bit of work done as well.

Aardvark:  Slet me gedth sith sathrate - -  Captain Lion ith a human named Thmith?  Lieutenant Minx ith akthually a walruth naimt Slion?

Bear: Yo sid yo wah noot cult Odfark; ooh ah yo?

Aardvark looked around and began smiling.  His little grin broadened until it looked like dice in a shaker cup.

Aardvark: I yam ah Splutonian.


To be continued...

 

Chapter 225
Aardvark World 10

By Bill Schott

In scene 4 it was revealed that Captain Lion is actually a human, Lieutenant Mink is really a walrus, and Lieutenant Aardvark is actually a Plutonion.   Professor Gorilla, Ensign Bear, Ensign Walrus, and Lieutenant Aardvark had been about to gear up for their departure to Planet 9 via a shuttle, although now there were growing conflicts. 


Smith:  What do you mean you are a Plutonian?  You came aboard this vessel with the rest of us back on Europa.

With that said, Aardvark placed his hands on his snout and twisted it clockwise.  With a click, followed by a spray of escaping gas, he removed his entire headpiece, revealing what looked like a penguin within an aardvark exterior.

Bear:  Woot naw iz des?  Oddfark iz bord? 

Smith: He looks like a penguin.

Plutonian:  Chee chee chep chep chutta chutta --

Gorilla: What are you saying? You are totally incomprehendable.

The Plutonian removed the tongue from the aardvark helmet and placed it back on his head.

Mink:  I'll take that -- if you don't need it.

Plutonian: Certainly, my dear. 

Gorilla: We can understand you now. How did you get aboard and replace Lieutenant Aardvark?

Plutonian: I replaced him on the surface, just recently.

Bear: Iz no twrue. Oddfark woz wit meh ot aw tems.

Plutonian: Actually, I replaced him almost immediately upon your landing. The time shift made it possible for my doing this over the stay of your reconnisence while only a few seconds registered in your mind.

Gorilla: Time shift?

Plutonian:  Yes.  Now that you are in the  gravitational pull of the planet, you will be subject to the time-slip phenomenon. Almost immediately -- (skizzle)...

With a quick flash the crew and ship are swept ahead in time.

Plutonian:  ... and this has been true for a million years.

Gorilla: Will this affect our landing again?

Plutonian:  There will be no shuttle -- (skizzle) -- and your DNA will be altered.

Gorilla: So, as we enter this -- (skizzle) ---

Plutonian:  -- human DNA components will be stripped out -- (skizzle) --prepare to leap to the surface.

Bear:  Eh woll bay gooink ass woll.

Plutonian: Your entire crew will have to go, though many --- (skizzle)

On the surface, the crew reverted to their DNA types minus any human attributes.  Their ship burned up in the outer atmoshere, and all memory of their previous lives fell away with the new reality of which they were now a part.



 

Author Notes

Images from the Guardian.

Chapter 226
Walrus World 1

By Bill Schott

He was the egg man

odobenus rosmarus

also the walrus

Author Notes

Thanks to Sean T Phelan for use of the drawing.

Chapter 227
Walrus World 2

By Bill Schott

Walrus wadded bubblegum

and speared it on a spit;

he wore it like a bow tie

and it was quite a hit.

When I see a tiger lily,

I'm reminded of his style;

his sticky chin, chewed, neck knot...

bet you've not seen in a while.
 

Author Notes

Thanks to Jayden T for use of the art

Chapter 228
Walrus World 3

By Bill Schott

Walrus on banjo?

Yes, I know. Who'd watch that show?

If you were high -- YOU!

If a walrus can strum it,

then we can all hum it, Dude.

Author Notes

Picture from Google I do not promote drug use.

Chapter 229
Walrus World 4

By Bill Schott

Walrusaurus!
sang the chorus,
as the winter king walked by.

Prehistoric,
non-choleric,
husky, tusky -- what a guy!

Ain't no seal
or schlemiel,
mustachioed, with humor -- dry.

Blubber beauty,
he's a cutey,
that's the deal, so why ask why?
 

Author Notes

Thanks to swimmer74 for use of the artwork

Chapter 230
Walrus World 5

By Bill Schott

Walrus

and the walri

eating oysters deny

eating any seafood -- they lie

to us

Author Notes

Yes, I know walri is not a word.

Chapter 231
Walrus World 6

By Bill Schott

Lynyrd was visiting the aquarium when he passed by the Seal Center. Along with the frisky seals and mermaidish manatee, was one large walrus.

The rotund tuskbearer strategically flopped his way over to Lynyrd's spot, just outside a barrier fence.

"Pssst!" pssted the walrus.

"Who, me?" asked the surprised Seal Center visitor.

"Gimme you het en cut. Gawiklay!"

"My -- my hat and coat?"

"Gawiklay, Mon! Why theys nut likken!"

Without further urging, Lynyrd removed the articles and handed them to the walrus. The creature only looked at him and shook its huge head.

"Aw ya noots? Lukka meh. Does eh luk lik eh kin poot un a het en cut? Dress meh ya nookel ed! Dastract the outters."

Pointing to the sky, Lynyrd shouted, "Look! It's a flying -- thing!"

While everyone in the Seal Center turned to see what the man with his coat and hat in his hand was pointing to, Lynyrd quickly pulled the coat onto the walrus and placed the hat on its head.

"Ets a tait vit. Ope et fues em. Less git gun."

With that, Lynyrd and the obese gentleman with the tight-fitting coat and canted ball cap made their way to the exit.

Later that day, a man named Wally purchased a new wardrobe of clothes at the Clothes-R-US  store, bought a wading pool, and forced the sushi restaurant to close early after eating a week's worth of seafood.

Later that week...

 

Author Notes

Photo from Dailynews.com

Chapter 232
Walrus World 7

By Bill Schott

Waldo "Walrus" Wonderfeller
was a pseudo cyber seller
and an on-line fortuneteller
as sweet as honeycomb

With his lil' laptop computer
Waldo was a crooked shooter
a larc'ny loving lying looter
the worm inside the pome

One day he wound up getting caught
his evil ether schemes for naught
he lost the battle he had fought
from the couch at his home

Author Notes

pome = apple (Get it?)

Chapter 233
Walrus World 8

By Bill Schott

Humorless walruses

require using

'Laughing Ass"

Author Notes

Thanks to Swimmer74 for use of the art

Chapter 234
Walrus World 9

By Bill Schott

Double Zero Seven is an undercover agent

dressed in a tuxedo, which fits him rather decently.

He likes fish ball martinis that are shaken and not stirred;

has a Walrus PPK, which he wears a bit absurdly.


Drives an Aston Martin, mostly in marine mode;

leaves oil slicks in oceans, and machine guns evil toads.

He uses tricky gadgets to capture all the bad guys;

like rocket powered harpoons and fish hooks in disguises.


He serves his nation proudly and spends a lot of money,

but manages to save the day and still come off as funny.






 

Author Notes

Sure...decently

Chapter 235
Walrus World 10

By Bill Schott

They track him to an icy, crystal shelf,

hunting with harpoons and weighted clubs;

He lay beside the scarlet frozen blood,

where infant seal was crushed and quickly skinned.


A pointed spear intrudes beneath his ear,

he rises to eleven feet and roars;

as a piercing spike strikes low in front,

the mighty walrus falls upon the slayer.


A myriad of hunters close to kill,

mallets, knives, and jagged edges pare;

siren sea lions scream and take to sea,

each side has taken life away today.




 

Author Notes

Thanks to Anne for use of the art

Chapter 236
Duck World 1

By Bill Schott

Two ducks waddle up to a pond.

Duck 1: Quick, quick, quick.

Duck 2: I'm sorry, but you're speaking too fast.

Duck 1: Quack, quack, quack.

Duck 2: So, you are Canadian?

Duck 1: Quock, quock, quock.

Duck 2: French Canadian?

Duck 1: Qoui, qoui.

Duck 2: There was a British duck here yesterday from across the pond.

Duck 1: Ka-whack, ka-whack.  

The duck makes an O with his left wing-tip feathers and places it over his eye, like a monocle.

Duck 2: No kidding. Rawther, pip pip, and all that rot.

The duck then mimics the monocle stance while looking down his beak at the other duck.

And they fly on the opposite side as we do.

Duck 1: Quool? Quool?

Duck 2: Yeah, the waters a bit chilly. My DA was numb for awhile.

Duck 1: Quack, quack, queek.

Duck 2: That's pretty good. That last word sounded a little off.

Duck 1: Quackity, quackity, quackity, quack.

Duck 2: By Jove! I think she's got it!

Duck 1: Quack?

Duck 2: It's just an expression, dude.

Duck 1: Quacker?

Duck 2: Yeah, there's a new place to eat near where that obvious human blind is set up.

Duck 1: Quatt?

Duck 2: There are people behind some fake stuff near the water. All ducks there seem unconcerned though. They haven't made a peep all day. They just float around like dummies.

Duck 1: Quack-a-doodle-quack.

Duck 2: Sure let's go. I got shotgun.

The two birds fly off to eat.  

Author Notes

Thanks to Lilibug6 for use of the image.

Chapter 237
Duck World 2

By Bill Schott

Doesn't really matter what day it is or time;   S

Ugly ducklings take it in the neck; it's such a crime.  W

Can't any see their glory, 'til they come into their prime?  A

Knowing this should help you to understand this rhyme.  N
 

Chapter 238
Duck World 3

By Bill Schott

I have a problem;

wherever I go I see

ducks in front of me.

Shot the limit at the lake;

got cursed by a dying drake.


Doc, can you help me

with this mallard malady?

I'm going daffy.

Tell me I'll be okay, Doc.

Doc, can you hear me? Doc?! Duck!!

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 239
Duck World 4

By Bill Schott

Platypus-billed duck

sniffs the suitcase in question

then whistles a tune

police arrest the owner

as the drug duck drops a deuce

Author Notes

Thanks to Anne for use of the photo

Chapter 240
Duck World 5

By Bill Schott

As per usual

Dalphinea showed up late

and dressed to the nines

Her daughter, poor thing, came too

Obviously, for contrast

Author Notes

Thanks to eileen0204 for use of the cool shot

Chapter 241
Duck World 7

By Bill Schott

Callisto and Famgini

met a cat called Uraweeney,

and that fact was what began their tete a tete.

"See here, Uraweeney..."

began the younger duck Famgini,

"Watchu caw me!" screeched Callisto, like fingernails on slate.


"I was speakin' to the tabby cat,

not you there, Mr. Feet-so-flat."

"Ditchu jes' slam my feets? Man! Is dat right?!?


The two ducks started brawling,

Uraweeney did cat calling,

as the web-foot whacky duo had their fight.


At last the ducklings' daddy,

famous duckster, Zappy Caddy,

grabbed the two by the pin feathers and waddled out of sight.


Now we're looking for a moral,

justifying this duck quarrel,

and the presence of the feline, who was not so erudite.


Look-- I'm sure there is no reason

to this rhyme that would be pleasin'

so let's stop here and just call it a night.




 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 242
Duck World 8

By Bill Schott

I met a guy in Mexico

in cracker jacks with tie;

he wore a big sombrero

that he sold me, by-n-by.


He said he was a navy seal,

though, plainly, just a duck;

said he was a shellback salt

just lately out of luck.


I think his name was Donald,

though his speech was quite impeded;

could just as well been Ronald,

or another, I've conceded.


At any rate, I tried to leave,

there were more sights to see;

then he grabbed me with his skinny hand --

'There was a ship,' quoth he.







 

Author Notes

Thanks to Agreenr (and Walt) for use of the image Final line is from 'The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'

Chapter 243
Duck World 9

By Bill Schott

It's a matter of reflection

once a duck notes the defection

of the fellow feathered friends

who've taken to the wing


There's the clicks of shotgun barrels

that won't be shooting at some sparrows

there'll be overkill of pellets

no escaping such a thing


So in this final breath

he will contemplate his death

and the time he did that pheasant

in the early days of Spring




 

Author Notes

Thanks to Bob one oldreb for use of the art

Chapter 244
Elephino World 1

By Bill Schott

An elephino

represents some definite

DNA splicing

 

Author Notes

Image from Google imgur.com Hey! What is that? Elephino. ( el-ah-fine-oh)

Chapter 245
Elephino World 2

By Bill Schott

Nature knows some iffy combinations

may not bring the wanted variations;

like the mingling of two well-known creatures,

which may in gestation form weird features.


Some people think these crossings are just bunk,

with no resulting elephant sans trunk;

If we want to get such research tickin',

let's just cross an el'phant with a chicken.






 

Author Notes

Images from Google

Chapter 246
Elephino World 3

By Bill Schott

Wally Wino Elephino

related to the ancient dino

little elephant and rhino

this evolution's -- fino




 

Author Notes

Image from Google dino = dinosaur fino = final

Chapter 247
Elephino 4

By Bill Schott

Elephinos were

pachyderm rhinoceri,

but that was ridiculous.


They were then renamed,

as well as re-engineered,

to walk in one direction.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 248
Elephant World 6

By Bill Schott

An elephant had a trunk,

just as so many do,

and nobody would've thunk

you'd see him in a zoo.


Oh? I see. It isn't rare

to see elephants there;

I'm sorry to waste your time

reading this pointless rhyme.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 249
Elephant World 7

By Bill Schott

Try to remember

when you cared about creatures

that deserve to live;

look me in the eye and say,

you will care again today.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 250
Elephant World 8

By Bill Schott

Elephant costume

that seems to be too small now;

Should you let it out?

The answer is....wear dark clothes

and avoid vertical lines.


 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 251
Elephant World 9

By Bill Schott

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.

The Elephant Man

suffered Proteus syndrome;

he was NOT an animal.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google I went with the covered picture.

Chapter 252
Elephant World 5

By Bill Schott

One elephant says to another, "Hold my hand."

The other says, "I cant."

"You mean you won't," snapped the rebuffed pachyderm.

"No. I mean I cant and tend to tip over."

 

Author Notes

I like telling elephant jokes. This is a new one that I just made. It's lame humor is typical of this genre. The word 'cant' means to lean.

Chapter 253
Elfin Ant World 10

By Bill Schott

The elfin ant

lives on a plant

with all his elfin cousins;

His name is Toe,

(Yeah, I know)

from the well known Wasnts.



Toe Wasnt is

a friend of Hizz,

a magic snake from Syrup;

together they coulds

play in the woods

in a place called Yourip.


Their tales I'll tell,

though not too well,

'cause I'm no storyteller;



So cop a squat

hear what I got...

Toe Wasnt, Hizz, and Zeller.

(Oh yeah, Zeller's another guy)









 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 254
Lobster World 1

By Bill Schott

A mobster lobster

Claud "The Big Claw" Crustacean

was the Maine gangster

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 255
Lobster World 2

By Bill Schott

Listen to this lobster tale,

it's like no one that you have heard;

unless you have, then I'd be wrong,

but let's not think about that -- no,

let's not think about that.



Lester Lobster lived for weeks

in a tank at We-Sea-Food,

until I ordered lobster tail

which signaled Lester's death -- yes,

it signaled Lester's death.



A cold hand reached into the tank,

grabbed Lester rudely with a yank,

his hopes of harbor life soon sank,

replaced by harbor death,

which was not his hope, I'd guess --

death was not his hope.



A knife came down on Lester's back,

his upper section was removed,

but he lived on with claws and head,

until they chopped those up as well --

chopped them up as well.



As I tied my bib on tight,

then stabbed at lobster tail meat,

a thought occurred about the loss

of Lester Lobster's life.

When the meat was in my mouth --

I knew I'd kill again.


 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 256
Lobster World 3

By Bill Schott

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.

Lobster Boy Grady Stiles

teratological lad

ectrodactyly challenged

claws for hands and claws for feet

grew up to be a killer

jury pitied him; set him free

shot with contracted bullets


 

Author Notes

Image from Google teratological = relating to physical deformity ectrodactyly = split-hand malformation Shot his daughterâ??s fiancée; jury pitied him and set him free; wife hired a friend to put three bullets in his head.

Chapter 257
Lobster World 4

By Bill Schott

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of sexual content.

Lobster's last request,

a quicky with the waitress;

nothing naughty though.

"If she'll take me as I am,

I'll just have the bearded clam."



 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 258
Lobster World 5

By Bill Schott

 

If Tony Starkist,

the wealthy, genius lobster,

wore an iron suit;

would he be an Avenger

or just seafood in a can?

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 259
Luke the Lobster

By Bill Schott

Little Layla loves her lobster Luke
reminds her of her best friend Claude
who replaced the late Nanook
he stepped in for Fin Flawed
the steamer will wait
for this play date
then, so long,
Lobster
Luke

 

Author Notes

Image from Google i.pinimg.com Lobster World 7

Chapter 260
Lobster Love

By Bill Schott

I really love my lobster girl, Yvonne;

she takes me to the surface and beyond.

From a childhood crush-tation,

to our current lust relationship,

together someday we will spawn a prawn.

 

Author Notes

image from Google Line four is intentionally internally rhymed. Happy day.

Chapter 261
Lobster World 8

By Bill Schott

Languishing in tanks,

lobsters have our grateful thanks

for their sacrifice;

this accounts for seafood sales,

cuz we love their tasty tails.





 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 262
Komodo Dragon World 1

By Bill Schott

 

Komodo Dragons

love folks playing with their tails;

they eat (them) it up.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 263
Komodo Dragon World 2

By Bill Schott

If you should study

a Komodo skeleton

you would still be scared



 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 264
Komodo Dragon World 6

By Bill Schott

Komodo dragon dressed to kill,

ladies love him; he's so chill;

avoid his kisses though, until

he's gargled several times.

Trust me on this.



 

Author Notes

Image from Google.

Chapter 265
Komodo Dragon World 7

By Bill Schott

The Dragon King, Ko-mo-do
addressed his mate, Ko-mo-flo,
and asked her of her giving birth
to a lizard winner.

She informed the monarch pop,
"Three small newts I'll soon drop."
"I will name them then," he quirked.
"Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner."



 

Author Notes

Image from Google. Ten percent of the komodo dragon diet is komodo dragons.

Chapter 266
Komodo Dragon World 8

By Bill Schott

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.

The question raised in slower days
is, 'If a goat could sing a note,
sharp or flat, if indeed that
said goat should get its head fed
to a wizard lizard?'

Generally stated, if ill-fated
goat should find its head in a bind,
komodo biting down on his crown,
it'll be goat down the throat
to a lizard gizzard.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 267
Komodo Dragon World 9

By Bill Schott

Quasikomodo, the hunchbacked dragon,

rang the bells at Notre Dam.

Komofrodo, a hobbit pagan,

wore platform shoes to the prom.

Totomodo, Dorothy's dog,

rode a twister up to Oz.

Yoyomodo, a string and pog,

does whatever a yo-yo does.


 

Author Notes

Image from Pinterest Spelling of Dame was modified to assist rhyming. :)

Chapter 268
Komodo Dragon World 10

By Bill Schott

A dapper dragon,

dressed for after-six affairs,

is still dangerous.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 269
Kitten World 1

By Bill Schott

Ladder laborer

Firefighting 101

Kitten in a tree

Author Notes

Thanks to avmurray for use of the photo fire is two syllables here and the number is pronounced one oh one

Chapter 270
Kitten World 2

By Bill Schott

Knucklehead and Nathan
play with Nana's knitting
needle nicks Nate's nethers
Nana gets 'sew' concerned
alerts the local vet
who knits up Nathan's nads

 

Author Notes

Thanks to avmurray for use of the cool shot.

Chapter 271
Kitten World 3

By Bill Schott

Fur balls flank Fido

feline Katzenjammer kids

pray for pup’s patience

 

Author Notes

Thanks to cleo85 for use of the neat art shot

Chapter 272
Kitten World 4

By Bill Schott

Ohhh! NI - AG - RA Falls!

oh so slowly then I turned

Step by step and inch by inch...

Author Notes

Image from Google Homage to the Stooges

Chapter 273
Kitten World 5

By Bill Schott

What's this at her door?

Crazy lady starter kit.

Let the games begin.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 274
Kitten World 6

By Bill Schott

Dare ver twree kettens

vat hod lawst dare - hmm - mettens

den dey dook a nop

Author Notes

Image from Pinterest

Chapter 275
Kitten World 7

By Bill Schott

This is not the day

to present me with a bowl

that is so empty

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 276
Kitten World 8

By Bill Schott

Something very iconic,

quite on par with bubonic;

Hello Kitty's a tonic,

with the kiddos it's chronic;

though I find it ironic,

I will use words laconic

to say it is moronic.





 


 

Author Notes

But I dont really mean it. Image is from Google

Chapter 277
Kitten World 10

By Bill Schott

Kittens sleep in shoes and slippers;

they eat mice and mustard kippers;

baleful eyes and motoring purr,

razor claws and matted fur,

stinky litter box and pee

on the carpet, couch, and me.

Cats!!!!

Author Notes

Image from deviantart.com/ Google

Chapter 278
Poodle World 1

By Bill Schott

Poodles kanoodle

cuddle carefree in Paree

while the world watches

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 279
Poodle World 2

By Bill Schott

Kissable wet nose

curly carpet hair festoon

bow between the eyes

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 280
Poodle World 3

By Bill Schott

I sketched a poodle,
then puked up some putrid poi;
or - ah - vice versa.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to swimmer74 for use of the sketch

Chapter 281
Poodle World 4

By Bill Schott

Happy days outside

as the furry four frolic

and then picture pose

 

Author Notes

Thanks to Harvey A. Rubenstein for use of teh artwork

Chapter 282
Poodle World 5

By Bill Schott

My sister wore a poodle skirt,
exactly why I do not know;
it may have been in fashion then,
like hems that reach down to one's toe.

She also rode in cars with boys
and smoked those cigarettes;
she'd even have herself some beers,
like all those suffragettes.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 283
Poodle World 6

By Bill Schott

The Venezualian Poodle Moth

looks like an angel lamb that is lothst;

some say it's a fairy, whose eyes glow at night;

we just know it's hairy and name's likely Dwight.




 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 284
Poodle World 7

By Bill Schott

Putin's Poodle makes the neighbors mad

Pees on everyone and says it's raining

Dumps on anything that isn't his

Listens for his master's voice

He's the pick of the litter

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 285
Poodle World

By Bill Schott

Power Poodle Pack

sculpted fur and muscles jacked

Pink Panic Attack

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 286
Poodle World 9

By Bill Schott

Isn't she lovely;

looks pretty and never sheds,

but her farts are death.

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 287
Poodle 10

By Bill Schott

Poodle

sheepishly shy

a sheared delight

 

Author Notes

Thanks to sesshomaru for use of the pic.

Chapter 288
Bear World 1

By Bill Schott

I was told --
the polar bears were white,
and bright,
and glowed at night.

They were cold --
and nice;
great grandpa saw one twice,
when there was ice.

Author Notes

Thanks to simonka for use of the art

Chapter 289
Bear World 2

By Bill Schott

Berries are calling,

some blue, straw, and raspberries;

black bear will answer.

Author Notes

Thanks to Browncat for use of the art shot

Chapter 290
Bear World 3

By Bill Schott

 

Singing in the river, baby;

catch a couple salmon, maybe

later make a little grizzly,

while we're hibermating.

Author Notes

Thanks to Envision for use of the art shot

Chapter 291
Bear World 4

By Bill Schott

 

Loving
this bear is a
pandamic,
but
we must not bamboo hoo about it.

Chapter 292
Bear World 5

By Bill Schott

A koala bear

is just a marsupial,

not a real bear;

hate to ruin your bruin,

but those are the bare bear facts.

 

Author Notes

Thanks to suzannethompson2 for use of the image.

Chapter 293
Bear World 6

By Bill Schott

Hold on to your pic-a-nic baskets
when you visit Jellystone Park,
'cause there's a bear called Yogi
hiding near in the dark;
he and Booboo grab
unattended
sandwiches
on a
lark.
 

Author Notes

Image from Google and Hanna-Barbara

Chapter 294
Bear World

By Bill Schott

Love them bears down on the old farm,
they add some charm;
show lots of heart
and do their part.

Fit right into some overalls;
their strength and paws
make chores go fast,
so work is past.

Tomorrow maybe we will see
some honey bees;
we'll fill a pot
and eat a lot.


 

Author Notes

Image from Google Bear World 7

Chapter 295
Bear World 9

By Bill Schott

Bennie ate some berries

Eventually he had the runs

As he pooped upon a log

Rick and Dicklas shot their guns
 

Chapter 296
Wallaby World 1

By Bill Schott

Never did see such a wannabe

as the

oh so coo coo

rolls in zoo poo

not a kangaroo

wallaby

 

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 297
Wallaby World 2

By Bill Schott

Wally B. Wallaby,

by a eucalyptus tree,

waiting for koala bear

to bring him some to share.


Kenny Q. Kangaroo

wanted eucalyptus too,

and likewise wound up standing there

eucalyptusless.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 298
Wallaby World 3

By Bill Schott

Wooly white wallaby

waits with her joey Chloe,

while warring with a biting flea,

which does tend to ‘annoey, boey’.




 

Author Notes

Image from Google annoy, boy

Chapter 299
Wallaby World 4

By Bill Schott

He simply wanted to tell his tale,

so he practiced telling his tail;

'cause his tail had always had his back

and followed him without fail.


Telling his tail the tale was tough,

he'd never been so blunt;

relaxing, however, it wasn't so rough,

as he told his tail upfront.



 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 300
Wallaby World 5

By Bill Schott

The potty training

of a baby wallaby

takes lots of paper;

when the worst part is over,

clean up the mess and get drunk.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 301
Wallaby World 6

By Bill Schott

Whatta would ir should a persin git whin
criss-crossed a wallaby with a dolphin?
Either a dollaby or a wallphin,
unless it tirns out like thit other thin';
mixing a porpoise with a kangaroo,
that would have been an 'elephino' too.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google An elephino is, of course, what you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros. A play on the phrase "Hell if I know!"

Chapter 302
Wallaby World 7

By Bill Schott

Waldo Wallaby
studied toxicology,
hoped to win a collegey kind of prize.

Kendal Kangaroo
hoped to get in college too,
so wore a Waldo Wallaby disguise.

When acceptances were handed out
Kendall was no where about
and “Waldo” joined the university.

Kendall learned for all he's worth
'til Waldo's bones were found -- unearthed,
now Kendall does the prison laun-der-y.

 

Author Notes

Yes, there was a murder.

Chapter 303
Wallaby World 8

By Bill Schott

Wallaby brother,
next to the other,
maybe the mother
is standing nearby.

It is no bother
to the wallaby father
if Zither or Zother
were to bid them goodbye.

Wallaby families
avoiding calamities
'cause mombies and dadabies
really don't try.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google Not at all certain about wallaby family dynamics.

Chapter 304
Wallaby World 9

By Bill Schott

There onceth wath a fellow from Perth

who hopped like a bunny from birth

thome thaid you could thee

he wath half wallaby

and the other half wath even worth




 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 305
Armadillo World 1

By Bill Schott

An armadillo

plating-protected 'possum

still can't cross a road

 

Chapter 306
Armadillo World 2

By Bill Schott

The tales of Armadillo Man,

which bested big foot's spooky yarns,

began when cars drove through the land

and caused some crossing 'dillos harm.


A hero came out from the plains

to help the armadillo cross

the highway's fast and unsafe lanes

so they would never suffer loss.


You may see him too one day

assisting rodents o'er the roads

or flattened for a bug buffet

like other vermin, birds, and toads.

 

Author Notes

Image from Google

Chapter 307
Armadillo World 3

By Bill Schott

Santa had met the

Holiday Armadillo

and he Rossed his mind

Author Notes

Image from Google Ross was a character on the TV show, Friends. Being Jewi#h, he was trying to interest his son in a different spirit not related to Christianity.

Chapter 308
Armadillo World 4

By Bill Schott

Baby armadillo
little nut that's nimble
drinking from a thimble
more a thumb-adillo


 

Author Notes

Image from Google www.rebrn.com

Chapter 309
Armadillo 5

By Bill Schott

Hostess desk at an upscale animal restaurant somewhere in the southwest. The hostess, a young mule deer, prepares to greet a patron.

Hostess: Welcome to our place. Do you have a reservation?

Armadillo: Armadillo.

Hostess: Well Mister Dillo, I don't see a reservation here.

Armadillo: Armadillo.

Hostess: Yes, well, I am a Deer. You've probably heard of our herd. My father has me starting out here greeting the public, but I'll be managing soon. Are you certain you've a reservation here?

Armadillo: Armadillo.

The manager steps over.

Manager: Is there a problem here, Ms. Deer.

Hostess: This one just keeps saying "He's a Dillo." I can't find that name with a reservation.

The manager looks over the listing and at the patron.

Manager: You're a Dillo?

Armadillo: Armadillo.

A young female armadillo steps up to join the conversation.

Young Armadillo: Hi. My grandfather only speaks Armadillo. We are the Armadillos. We have a standing reservation for twenty-five at five for table five.

Manager: Oh! Armadillo, yes. You are actually the new owners.

Young Armadillo: Yes. So we would Iike to be seated now. I'll also need twelve high chairs and six booster seats.

Manager: Of course. Immediately.

Hostess: I'm so sorry for the confusion, Mister Dillo.

Armadillo: Armadillo. Oh, yes. You're fired.


 

Author Notes

Im@ge from Google

Chapter 310
Armadillo World 6

By Bill Schott

Armadillo
quite a fillow
softer than a concrete pillow.

Armadillo
brain of jillo
dumber than a marshomillow

Armadeeyo
lunch time meol
tasty with some picadillo

 

Author Notes

Image from Google picadillo = pronounced pik-a-dee-yo

One of thousands of stories, poems and books available online at FanStory.com You've read it - now go back to FanStory.com to comment on each chapter and show your thanks to the author!

© Copyright 2015 Bill Schott All rights reserved. Bill Schott has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement