The Quick ick -- Part 1
A different kind of Christmas carol.31 total reviews
Comment from Sally Carter
How the heck did I miss your work for so long?
Just catching up on part 1 before I work through the rest.
No detailed critique except to say I really enjoyed it. Pacy and witty - and just the way all my would-be jewelry thief friends talk, lol.
Swiss faces and Japanese guts - just one example of wonderful dialogue.
Right, on to the rest!
Best wishes
Sally
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How the heck did I miss your work for so long?
Just catching up on part 1 before I work through the rest.
No detailed critique except to say I really enjoyed it. Pacy and witty - and just the way all my would-be jewelry thief friends talk, lol.
Swiss faces and Japanese guts - just one example of wonderful dialogue.
Right, on to the rest!
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
Comment from barkingdog
I'm having fun with these two characters and they are 'characters.'
The pace is perfect and the dialogue character specific.
I'm off to read the next part.
God has a short bus. (of course, he has to. LOL)
Dumber that Tupperware. (I sort of like my Tupperware. Burp.)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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I'm having fun with these two characters and they are 'characters.'
The pace is perfect and the dialogue character specific.
I'm off to read the next part.
God has a short bus. (of course, he has to. LOL)
Dumber that Tupperware. (I sort of like my Tupperware. Burp.)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Ellen, thanks for reading these in a row, and at one gulp. I appreciate that. You are very loyal. I'll be posting the conclusion to the story in a few hours. Hope you enjoy.
Peace, Lee
Comment from rama devi
Witty, original and entertaining, dear Lee, from the rhyming title to the very last note of part one (and I'm on the way to read the rest....thanks for posting them simultaneously. NIce to read them all in a row, which is why i waited.
Enjoyed the attitude and *character* of your protagonist and his descriptive wit---like this, which is sure to have tons of readers in stitches:
--especially in this lame-ass Lutheran burg named Steady Habits. Really, Steady Habits! Imagine that? May as well name a town Regular Bowel Movements. I'm not kidding. This whistle-stop is so anal, its lone ATM closes when the bank does. Try adding that one up. Lutherans. I guess God has a short bus, too
LOL
The superb satirical use of detail makes it easy to read the monologue section without feeling the lack of dialog at all. Excellent pacing and voicing too - holds the reader's attention. This is funny-and well voiced:
Tightroping between affable superiority and outright condescension. I've seen the technique before. If you want to sell to uppity Lutherans, you've got to be snootier than thou.
She sad-smiles like she knows I didn't have any clean underwear to put on today.
LOL
When dialog is interrupted, an em dash works better than ellipses, IMO:
"You must be mistak..."
"You must be mistak--"
Please? Now I've got her. "I beg..."
Please? Now I've got her. "I beg--"
Hilarious-Quaint? What am I, a Bed & Breakfast?
"But you are dumber than Tupperware." --Hells bells! LOL
Thanks for the chuckles...
Off to next chap.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Witty, original and entertaining, dear Lee, from the rhyming title to the very last note of part one (and I'm on the way to read the rest....thanks for posting them simultaneously. NIce to read them all in a row, which is why i waited.
Enjoyed the attitude and *character* of your protagonist and his descriptive wit---like this, which is sure to have tons of readers in stitches:
--especially in this lame-ass Lutheran burg named Steady Habits. Really, Steady Habits! Imagine that? May as well name a town Regular Bowel Movements. I'm not kidding. This whistle-stop is so anal, its lone ATM closes when the bank does. Try adding that one up. Lutherans. I guess God has a short bus, too
LOL
The superb satirical use of detail makes it easy to read the monologue section without feeling the lack of dialog at all. Excellent pacing and voicing too - holds the reader's attention. This is funny-and well voiced:
Tightroping between affable superiority and outright condescension. I've seen the technique before. If you want to sell to uppity Lutherans, you've got to be snootier than thou.
She sad-smiles like she knows I didn't have any clean underwear to put on today.
LOL
When dialog is interrupted, an em dash works better than ellipses, IMO:
"You must be mistak..."
"You must be mistak--"
Please? Now I've got her. "I beg..."
Please? Now I've got her. "I beg--"
Hilarious-Quaint? What am I, a Bed & Breakfast?
"But you are dumber than Tupperware." --Hells bells! LOL
Thanks for the chuckles...
Off to next chap.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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rd, I can't thank you enough for reading these three parts, in order, and in one sitting. You're spag alerts and suggestions are all most welcome, and acted upon. Although, after trying dashes when dialogue is interrupted, I went back to ellipses. I expect I'm being old school.
I owe you for all this good advice
Comment from Sasha
My dear Zapata, you had me rolling on the floor with this one. How did I miss it? I am off to read the next installment and hope it is as good as this one. Great work, as always.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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My dear Zapata, you had me rolling on the floor with this one. How did I miss it? I am off to read the next installment and hope it is as good as this one. Great work, as always.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you, Sasha. I'm happy to make you laugh--as you often do for me. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from James Sarzotti
I like the pic. A dumb noir guy. Kind of jaunty. I am motivated to read what he does next.
Really, Steady Habits! Imagine that? May as well name a town Regular Bowel Movements. I'm not kidding. This whistle-stop is so anal, its lone ATM closes when the bank does. << Really funny.
I guess God has a short bus, too. << I don't get this.
The best thing I can say for the Pacer is, it ain't hot. It ain't exactly legal, mind you, but it ain't hot, neither. Tepid, verging on lukewarm. << Intriguing and funny.
The mystery woman and her dialogue is entertaining. She significantly upstages your dumb as Tupperware guy. Think I've got to read Part 2. Well done in that regard.
Cheers, JS
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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I like the pic. A dumb noir guy. Kind of jaunty. I am motivated to read what he does next.
Really, Steady Habits! Imagine that? May as well name a town Regular Bowel Movements. I'm not kidding. This whistle-stop is so anal, its lone ATM closes when the bank does. << Really funny.
I guess God has a short bus, too. << I don't get this.
The best thing I can say for the Pacer is, it ain't hot. It ain't exactly legal, mind you, but it ain't hot, neither. Tepid, verging on lukewarm. << Intriguing and funny.
The mystery woman and her dialogue is entertaining. She significantly upstages your dumb as Tupperware guy. Think I've got to read Part 2. Well done in that regard.
Cheers, JS
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you, JS. I'm glad you are enjoying my little misadventure.
About the short bus--my character is being very politically incorrect. He's referring to the shorter school buses that transport people with disabilities. I know, I should be ashamed.
Please forgive me.
Thanks again. Peace,Lee
Comment from irishauthorme
A real mover, good characters. I like they way you took us inside Zapata's head, brought him alive, it did. Nice twiest on the lady, liked her rapid fire 'No Holds Barred' dialogue with big Z, she really shut him down!
Good story, like to read more.
irish
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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A real mover, good characters. I like they way you took us inside Zapata's head, brought him alive, it did. Nice twiest on the lady, liked her rapid fire 'No Holds Barred' dialogue with big Z, she really shut him down!
Good story, like to read more.
irish
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks again, irish. Don't you love them fiesty broads? Peace, Lee
Comment from jjstar
Loved it. Like I said I've run out of glowing terms with which to review you. Originality and your "low-rent" attitude in this piece has done you proud..excellent as usual..sorry my reviews are so boring. I just get tired of trying to be literarily correct, or finding the nuances of your pieces to praise. You're just amazing...
California on the Value-Menu Plan. Los Angioplasty, or bust.===been there..done that
that grudge me ===that begrudge me?
Christmas Eve always have to come at the darkest, coldest time of the friggin' year?===I know..totally sucks..
My ship is due to come in right behind the Titanic==you and me both...
town Regular Bowel Movements.===seriously....
Lutherans. I guess God has a short bus, too. ===harrrummphhh...I am a Lutheran..or was, many years ago..
tote up ---total up?
American Motors Pacer.===ugh...
Confucius couldn't refold it you gave him a thousand years and an unlimited supply of Red Bull. ==thank God I'm not the only one!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Loved it. Like I said I've run out of glowing terms with which to review you. Originality and your "low-rent" attitude in this piece has done you proud..excellent as usual..sorry my reviews are so boring. I just get tired of trying to be literarily correct, or finding the nuances of your pieces to praise. You're just amazing...
California on the Value-Menu Plan. Los Angioplasty, or bust.===been there..done that
that grudge me ===that begrudge me?
Christmas Eve always have to come at the darkest, coldest time of the friggin' year?===I know..totally sucks..
My ship is due to come in right behind the Titanic==you and me both...
town Regular Bowel Movements.===seriously....
Lutherans. I guess God has a short bus, too. ===harrrummphhh...I am a Lutheran..or was, many years ago..
tote up ---total up?
American Motors Pacer.===ugh...
Confucius couldn't refold it you gave him a thousand years and an unlimited supply of Red Bull. ==thank God I'm not the only one!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks again, jj. I'm only picking on Lutherans because it's their turn. I don't make these decisions. I'm delighted you are enjoying. Peace, Lee
Comment from pattipac
You did it again. Low-rent and Lutheran, to boot is dumber than Tupperware. Deep-in-debt and fed up with this no-life town, he is aiming for the high life of California. Problem is he hasn't any dough. Plans to rob a jewelry store,but is scared off by the conniving sales lady.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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You did it again. Low-rent and Lutheran, to boot is dumber than Tupperware. Deep-in-debt and fed up with this no-life town, he is aiming for the high life of California. Problem is he hasn't any dough. Plans to rob a jewelry store,but is scared off by the conniving sales lady.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you, pattipac. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Cornelius2000
I like everything about this story....the low rent thief, with his semi-ambitious plan to take off to California in his strange looking American Moters Pacer (I remember them well), to the brassy clerk who has him pegged. Terrific story!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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I like everything about this story....the low rent thief, with his semi-ambitious plan to take off to California in his strange looking American Moters Pacer (I remember them well), to the brassy clerk who has him pegged. Terrific story!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks again, Dave. I love it when a car can actually be a character in a story. I really appreciate the galaxy. Peace, Lee
Comment from robyn corum
Very interesting. I think this should be entertaining! Bring it on. I'm sitting back and waiting - of course, I'll be writing like crazy in the meantime. *smile* But it's a great diversion!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Very interesting. I think this should be entertaining! Bring it on. I'm sitting back and waiting - of course, I'll be writing like crazy in the meantime. *smile* But it's a great diversion!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you, robyn. I hope your first book is selling, and you second is coming along as planned. Peace, Lee
