Memoir
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "A Lawnchair on Mars"True story
40 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Bill,
First and foremost, I truly appreciate your service. You -- and others as heroic as yourself-- are willing to do for the rest of us what we aren't even willing to do for ourselves.
I tried to imagine all of this as I read, but it's so far from my world that I can only attempt it. Great piece. Thanks for sharing and much good luck in the voting!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2018
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Bill,
First and foremost, I truly appreciate your service. You -- and others as heroic as yourself-- are willing to do for the rest of us what we aren't even willing to do for ourselves.
I tried to imagine all of this as I read, but it's so far from my world that I can only attempt it. Great piece. Thanks for sharing and much good luck in the voting!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2018
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Thank you, Robyn, for the terrific review. Bill
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Bill, this is poignant. I gather you're referring to the Gulf War. A war that had an impact on me and my family as well. My then husband,the father of our daughter was there as well. You loved your wife and you told her all, as anyone would do who deeply cared and didn't know whether he would survive. You did survive,but you left her a testament of your love. Beautifully written. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Wow, Bill, this is poignant. I gather you're referring to the Gulf War. A war that had an impact on me and my family as well. My then husband,the father of our daughter was there as well. You loved your wife and you told her all, as anyone would do who deeply cared and didn't know whether he would survive. You did survive,but you left her a testament of your love. Beautifully written. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Ulla. It was quite a time.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job about this time in your life, Bill. Your words flow easily & make readers feel as if they are right there with you. Great details & imagery that develops, too. Thanks for sharing & THANK YOU FOR YUR SERVICE. Jan
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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You did a great job about this time in your life, Bill. Your words flow easily & make readers feel as if they are right there with you. Great details & imagery that develops, too. Thanks for sharing & THANK YOU FOR YUR SERVICE. Jan
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Jan, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Scarbrems
This is a wonderful portrayal of a period in your life, combining beautiful poetic metaphor with prosaic, earthly prose, mundanity with violent action. A fascinating insight into your world as a serving military man.
Reminded me a bit of my Grandfather, who served in the desert as a marine during WW2. He didn't talk much about it, but when I told him about a planned trip to Morrocco, he said, 'What do you want to go there, for? It's full of sand. I saw enough bloody sand in the war'.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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This is a wonderful portrayal of a period in your life, combining beautiful poetic metaphor with prosaic, earthly prose, mundanity with violent action. A fascinating insight into your world as a serving military man.
Reminded me a bit of my Grandfather, who served in the desert as a marine during WW2. He didn't talk much about it, but when I told him about a planned trip to Morrocco, he said, 'What do you want to go there, for? It's full of sand. I saw enough bloody sand in the war'.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thank you, Sarkems, for the terrific review. Yes, the ?battles? could be quite boring with moments of life and death. Glad to be remembering and not remembered. Happy day.
Comment from Lady Jane
'high and tight(.)'
I am so glad I had one six left. This piece was chock full of life, love, insight, and writer's perspective. I was carried to that cinnamon desert, watching you as in a moment you wanted to create your defiant masterpiece, but mother nature took hold of the canvas and easel. Your words are smooth and steady, with only one minor nit. Seriously, this length of prose usually affords a few more as in our excitement, our fingers take over our minds and we type away. But your work, filled with life and wisdom and wartime imagery, was meticulously crafted and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Did your love withstand the storms of life?
Good luck in the contest with this entry.
Janelle
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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'high and tight(.)'
I am so glad I had one six left. This piece was chock full of life, love, insight, and writer's perspective. I was carried to that cinnamon desert, watching you as in a moment you wanted to create your defiant masterpiece, but mother nature took hold of the canvas and easel. Your words are smooth and steady, with only one minor nit. Seriously, this length of prose usually affords a few more as in our excitement, our fingers take over our minds and we type away. But your work, filled with life and wisdom and wartime imagery, was meticulously crafted and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Did your love withstand the storms of life?
Good luck in the contest with this entry.
Janelle
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Married thirty-two years now. Thanks for the exceptional review.
Comment from Spitfire
Fantastic writing from beginning to end, Bill. Love the humor about finding a private area to squat.
Once a five-ton truck looked like a Cracker Jack prize, --nice perspective simile.
Creepy about the dung beetles.
As quickly as they died, the desert would begin absorbing them. Sand, like an unsleeping artist, grain by grain, would reclaim the auburn earth; cover the last form on the tragic painting, and opaque the crimson brush strokes, leaving a new pristine canvas.
This, like the rest of your post is poetry in motion. (Pun intended)
A perfect ending. A winner in my book.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Fantastic writing from beginning to end, Bill. Love the humor about finding a private area to squat.
Once a five-ton truck looked like a Cracker Jack prize, --nice perspective simile.
Creepy about the dung beetles.
As quickly as they died, the desert would begin absorbing them. Sand, like an unsleeping artist, grain by grain, would reclaim the auburn earth; cover the last form on the tragic painting, and opaque the crimson brush strokes, leaving a new pristine canvas.
This, like the rest of your post is poetry in motion. (Pun intended)
A perfect ending. A winner in my book.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Wow! Thanks, Shari, for the stunning review.
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You deserve it. :-)
Comment from Dawn Munro
"Those (who) remained in their positions..."
"The Iraqi peasants (who) survived..." Bill, 'that' is used even by newscasters these days, but it's not the correct use - 'that' is grammatically incorrect. It's (who) for people, 'that' for everything else.
I'm barely able to write this review, so moved by the masterful story I've just read. I have nothing of value to offer, other than the tiny correction in two places -- I'd feel completely arrogant. This is positively brilliant writing, IMHO.
I don't have any sixes, though I doubt you'll be terribly disturbed by that lack. (*smile*) Here, however, is how I WOULD rate this if I could -
***********************************************************************************
wow. Exceptional.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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"Those (who) remained in their positions..."
"The Iraqi peasants (who) survived..." Bill, 'that' is used even by newscasters these days, but it's not the correct use - 'that' is grammatically incorrect. It's (who) for people, 'that' for everything else.
I'm barely able to write this review, so moved by the masterful story I've just read. I have nothing of value to offer, other than the tiny correction in two places -- I'd feel completely arrogant. This is positively brilliant writing, IMHO.
I don't have any sixes, though I doubt you'll be terribly disturbed by that lack. (*smile*) Here, however, is how I WOULD rate this if I could -
***********************************************************************************
wow. Exceptional.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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I can't tell you, Dawn, how many times I've pointed this pronoun agreement out to students. Now I pull the plank from my own eye. Thank you for the over-the-top response to this piece. I appreciate the exceptional rating and that you bookmarked it. Happy day.
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You're very welcome, Bill. (I figured as much, but I had to spell it out, just in case... As I said, I'm surprised at its use by pros who should know better, so I assume nothing. :))
Comment from lyenochka
Brilliantly told, Bill! Probably my favorite of your writings. I liked the metaphor of the dung beetle's ball for the world and all that you were experiencing at the time. I hope you'll share some of the book you wrote your wife at that time.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Brilliantly told, Bill! Probably my favorite of your writings. I liked the metaphor of the dung beetle's ball for the world and all that you were experiencing at the time. I hope you'll share some of the book you wrote your wife at that time.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thanks, lyenochka. I pieced this together from letters I?d written to my wife.
Comment from pbomar1115
When you served in the military, I perceived isolation in the desert. You had time to notice the smallest of thing, such as the insect rolling crap, writing a ninety-five letter to your wife, and after a lot of bombing, the enemy eagerly surrendered. That military experience was unique from any other we know.
Phillip
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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When you served in the military, I perceived isolation in the desert. You had time to notice the smallest of thing, such as the insect rolling crap, writing a ninety-five letter to your wife, and after a lot of bombing, the enemy eagerly surrendered. That military experience was unique from any other we know.
Phillip
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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It was a war well planned for victory. We planned for a year, took everything and the kitchen sink, and had the blessing of all the surrounding Arab countries. Also, an exit strategy. Best of all, Saudi Arabia picked up the check.
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You did a good job of creating the atmosphere.
Phillip
Comment from LaFrance
Bill, thank you for sharing your experience during your time serving. Did your wife keep your confusion in the desert descript letter? I enjoyed your dung beetle part of your story.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Bill, thank you for sharing your experience during your time serving. Did your wife keep your confusion in the desert descript letter? I enjoyed your dung beetle part of your story.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Thanks, LaFrance for giving this a look. My letters are in a box in the attic. Bill
