| Biographical Non-Fiction posted April 17, 2014 |
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A story of a sleep disorder
Jill's Struggle
by dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Jill's Struggle
Jill struggled to wake up. She had slept through the alarm. Late again, she was always late. Waking up late, getting places late, watching the late news, and then reading into the wee hours of the morning were all daily occurrences. In fact, it was often starting to get light before Jill tried to sleep, not that she ever slept more than an hour at a time anyway.
She feared sleep due to the horrific nightmares which occurred nearly every night. They were somewhere between nightmares and hallucinations. Jill was often not really awake or asleep, but in some alternate reality filled with terrifying events such as tornadoes, stalkers, rapists, murderers, and people who tried to convince her she was worthless, the scum of earth, and a minus ten in the game of life.
After these nightmares, while semi-conscious, semi-awake, she would sit sweating, shaking, and heart racing. Uncertain as to whether the events were real or imagined. As her thinking started to clear, she would try to distinguish fact from fiction. Some of the events she would figure out whether real or a dream. About some things, she never was really certain.
Jill’s brain was dysfunctional with mental illness, sleep deprivation, prior ECT’s, and anoxia, the death of brain cells resulting from oxygen deprivation. Her brain chemistry was forever damaged. The prognosis wasn’t good, improvement unlikely and further decline a probability. When she was tired or stressed, the confusion was worse. Being unable to decipher the real from the imagined was a constant source of frustration.
She spent years trying to find a solution. Sleeping pills, eliminating caffeine, following a strict schedule, writing everything down, and on and on and on… She finally gave up on solving the problem and just slept a bit here and there whenever she could. The rest of the time, she sat in a daze trying to find logic in this illogical situation.
The severity of symptoms varied. Some days she would have clarity, followed by several days of confusion. A few years ago, somewhat of an answer was found. After neurological testing and a sleep study, she was diagnosed with Nightmare Disorder, a psychological condition with no treatment or cure. That, combined with brain damage and severe insomnia, was the cause of her struggles. It was a diagnosis, but not a solution. The struggle continues…
Jill's Struggle
Jill struggled to wake up. She had slept through the alarm. Late again, she was always late. Waking up late, getting places late, watching the late news, and then reading into the wee hours of the morning were all daily occurrences. In fact, it was often starting to get light before Jill tried to sleep, not that she ever slept more than an hour at a time anyway.
She feared sleep due to the horrific nightmares which occurred nearly every night. They were somewhere between nightmares and hallucinations. Jill was often not really awake or asleep, but in some alternate reality filled with terrifying events such as tornadoes, stalkers, rapists, murderers, and people who tried to convince her she was worthless, the scum of earth, and a minus ten in the game of life.
After these nightmares, while semi-conscious, semi-awake, she would sit sweating, shaking, and heart racing. Uncertain as to whether the events were real or imagined. As her thinking started to clear, she would try to distinguish fact from fiction. Some of the events she would figure out whether real or a dream. About some things, she never was really certain.
Jill’s brain was dysfunctional with mental illness, sleep deprivation, prior ECT’s, and anoxia, the death of brain cells resulting from oxygen deprivation. Her brain chemistry was forever damaged. The prognosis wasn’t good, improvement unlikely and further decline a probability. When she was tired or stressed, the confusion was worse. Being unable to decipher the real from the imagined was a constant source of frustration.
She spent years trying to find a solution. Sleeping pills, eliminating caffeine, following a strict schedule, writing everything down, and on and on and on… She finally gave up on solving the problem and just slept a bit here and there whenever she could. The rest of the time, she sat in a daze trying to find logic in this illogical situation.
The severity of symptoms varied. Some days she would have clarity, followed by several days of confusion. A few years ago, somewhat of an answer was found. After neurological testing and a sleep study, she was diagnosed with Nightmare Disorder, a psychological condition with no treatment or cure. That, combined with brain damage and severe insomnia, was the cause of her struggles. It was a diagnosis, but not a solution. The struggle continues…
This is my story, but it was easier to tell it from this POV
ECT's are electro-convulsive therapy or shock treatments I had in 2000 for depression
Thanks to Liilia for the artwork
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. ECT's are electro-convulsive therapy or shock treatments I had in 2000 for depression
Thanks to Liilia for the artwork
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