This week is always difficult. I tell my soul to listen for the reasons.There has to be that encouraging purpose; that reasonable explanation that will make this pain acceptable.

For my family and I have been brave. We have been strong. We have been willing to wait for the reasons.

Now we are told, we should no longer ask for reasons.

One day, I was watering my impatiens...the next day I was being served with "the change". The change came and shattered all that we had known and loved. They say it has been too long for this sadness and grieving to still be a factor in our lives.That's what they say.

They are the ones with their own reasons. I don't trust many of them. They will offer their explanations as if we have not explored that particular possibility.(We simply must accept and not expect reasons.)

Well, that's hard to do. I don't want actual reasons...I just need to be able to question.

So, I refuse to stop speaking of it to my close friends. They understand.

God is our only refuge. He has no reasons, either.

For there are no reasons good enough for a grandson to die.

And we will grieve as long as it takes.

And it will take forever.