Heaven is everything I imagined. This is the first thought I remember as Jesus led me by the hand through the indescribable glory of His kingdom and the wonder never diminished. The luminescent beauty of the colors is stunning, and the most amazing thing is - everything in heaven is alive. I watched in sheer astonishment as living music flowed from golden trumpets, heralding the arrival of yet another soul.
A child of about nine or ten, in the arms of a magnificent pearl-winged angel, joy and wonder reflected in his wide eyes, squealing with delight as his very words flew into the air like rainbows exploding through dark clouds. I never tired of seeing the souls arrive, or of hearing their laughter bursting into life.
Jesus and I were out for a walk. Instead of walking through the mountains or along the ocean shore splashing barefoot together and dodging the incoming tide, He led me to a quaint little cottage, such as one might expect to find described in a Dickens novel, set in 19th century England. Before I could ask Him why we were here, He reached into the flowing robes He wore to pull out a small key which he handed to me. I took it and felt the wonder of His love flow through me, even with the simple touch of His hand. He spoke and the wooden door opened wide, greeting us as we stepped through into the small cottage into a simple yet beautiful room. Its cozy warm feeling reminded me of spending a cold winter's night in front of a crackling log fire, sharing a cup of hot cocoa with a good friend.
I decided it must be a carpenter's house, one who loves to craft his own furniture, for each piece was exquisitely made. I could see no joins in the wood, neither nail nor screw to hold it together. The wood simply bowed and formed into shape willingly as desired by its creator.
As we walked across the room to the staircase that spiraled up to the attic, I clutched the key in my other hand as we climbed the steep and narrow stairs. At the top, the door swung open. I followed Him through and looked around. Instead of a dingy attic, this wide and spacious room boasted huge bay windows of living crystal, allowing rainbows of light and the sounds of joy to stream into the room, with a panoramic view of the golden streets of heaven below. The only articles in the room were a single chair, a desk and a small framed photograph that sat next to a small wooden box on the desk. Something important lay in that box, because as soon as I looked at it, the key in my hand stirred restlessly.
"Wait here, dear one," Jesus said, turning to leave.
"You said You would never leave me. Y-you promised," I stammered.
"Precious child, I am not leaving. I am going downstairs. If you need Me, you have only to call My name and before the words are formed I will be at your side. You know this," he said, giving me a hug. With both hands on my shoulders, He held me out so I could look into His eyes. "My Father wants to spend some time with you today."
"God the Father?" I whispered back. So far even in heaven, out of fear, I'd managed to avoid Him. How one can be afraid of God in heaven, I do not know, but it remained a bitter truth.
Jesus sighed. "You are His child, His creation. I tell you this, dearheart. You need not fear the One whose heart broke for you." With a gentle kiss on my forehead, He stepped through the crystal window, leaving me alone.
The key began to sing with joyous excitement. As I stepped closer to the waiting box it flew from my hand into the lock. I admired its enthusiasm. If only I could feel the same sense of excitement knowing that at any moment, God the Father would be joining me. I looked around. No sign of Him yet. Perhaps He was too busy to meet with me today. I sure hoped so. The key turned in the lock and the lid sprang open.
A hauntingly beautiful but immensely sad melody began to flow from deep within it. As the notes floated gently around me, I became overwhelmed by the depth of emotion of which they sang. Unselfish giving, deep longing and the anguish of pure love rejected. What wonderful treasures of the heart had been locked away inside? I peered inside to see a thick bundle of letters.
As I reached into the box, they slipped into my hand as though I'd completed their destiny. Some of the envelopes were yellowed with age, yet others were still white and fresh; all were un-opened. A soft green vine with red and purple leaves grew in abundance around them, circling the parchment.
Staring at the unbroken wax seal of the Lion of Judah. I realized these were God's letters! Brushing a leaf gently aside I looked, curious to discover to whom they were written. My mouth fell open and, in shock, I dropped the entire bundle. The letters were addressed to me.
I fell to my knees and my trembling hand took hold of a single letter. The vine drew back graciously to allow me to remove it. I turned it over and touched the beautiful seal, for indeed it seemed too beautiful to break. It simply vanished and the envelope opened. I removed and unfolded a beautiful golden parchment, written in a flowing script and began to read.
"My precious child,
The moment you fell to your knees today I sent an army of warring angels to defend you. The evil one may think he will tear you apart with his lies but he wasn't counting on My love for you. I love you so much My heart is bursting with joy! Oh, I am so proud of you! You make a Father's heart sing! The angels in heaven rejoiced as you led those two teenagers to Me through My Son.
Of course, the enemy was so mad, he immediately sent the demons Doubt and Harassment to torment you. Ha! Your prayers were quick and My angels were already waiting by the time they arrived, to send those doomed creatures back into the pits of hell, tails between their legs. We all rejoiced in your victory here in heaven! Do you feel My love for you, My creation, My blessed one?
Your loving Father,
El-Shadai"
I swallowed hard. I remembered the incident, but not feeling His pride. Had He forgotten to send it? That didn't make any sense. God didn't forget. I picked up another one, this time from the bottom of the pile. It was very old and it read;
"Little creation,
Today I breathed life into you. You are My secret. In just a few days My wonderful design will begin to unfold as your tiny heart begins to beat. I have never made anyone quite like you. You are special, unique and oh, so precious. Already I have given you everything you need to be formed in My image. You are My baby and I am your Father in Heaven. I long for the day when I will embrace you in My arms of love.
Abba Father (Daddy to you)" I folded the page and sat for a moment staring out the window, my mind numb. God the Father had written this to me before I was even born - at the moment of my creation.
I reached for another letter.
"Dearheart,
Why do you turn your back on Me? Haven't I always loved you? Haven't I always been there for you? My heart breaks watching you stumble away from My outstretched arms, into the enemy's dark shadows of deceit and despair. You have believed in a lie today. You believed that I did not love you. That I did not care. That I had turned away from you when you needed Me most. Did you not see Me standing there?
Could you not hear My voice calling and calling to you? 'Come back My precious child!' I cried out to you and all the heavens shook with My grief, for you only turned your head and held your hands out for Satan to bind you tightly once again.
You spoke of shame and your sin. I see no such thing. I see My beautiful child, My very own little one, clothed in righteousness and covered by the Blood of My Son. Later as you wept bitter tears in a darkened room, I stood beside you and cried with you. You have 'no such father', you said. You were wrong. You have me.
Eternally Yours,
Jehovah-Rohi
My tears were flowing freely now. Heaven is a place without tears, but it seemed God wanted me to experience earthly feelings one last time. I grabbed another one. It was brief.
"Forgiven child,
In answer to your question how could I love you, I tell you this. How could I NOT love you? You are My child. Yes, what you did today was wrong. But I am afraid I am unable to discuss it with you because the very moment you sought My forgiveness, it vanished from My memory, farther than the east is from the west. All I see now is you...My child, a citizen of heaven, a saint. I see no stain or sin.
Your eternal Father,
Yaweh"
I opened the next letter.
"My beloved;
Your definition of a father is someone who causes deep pain. One who rejects, belittles and betrays you, who causes despair and fear, as his words fling ice cold condemnation into your heart. One who cannot love and even if he could...would never love you.
My definition is different. I long to comfort you, to soothe away the pain of a lifetime. I would never hurt you. Why do you reject My love?
Today I watched you, all alone, your heart in utter despair, torn apart by lies that haunt you from the past and My heart broke for you. I tried to comfort you, but you pushed Me away. You did not believe me. Still I loved you. There is nothing you could do to make Me stop loving you. You told My Son I frighten you. Oh how I grieved to hear you say that. Jesus hugged Me and said 'Dad, Our child will understand Your love one day. I'll keep telling her how much You love her and so will the Holy Spirit. You are the greatest Father in the Universe, an awesome Dad.'
You see My Son understands My love for you. Because of you, a moment came when He felt the total devastation of losing My love, just for a moment, when He hung on the cross. I turned My back on Him, for He bore your sin. It was the only time We have ever been separated in all eternity. Do you think I would hurt Him so deeply if not out of love for you, so that you, My little lamb might not perish? There was no other way. My Word speaks of My love for you and I know you read it, but you see the words as 'through a glass darkly'.
Dearheart, how could I love you more? Please let Me reach you with My love. Your tears are more precious than diamonds to Me.
Your broken hearted Father God"
Slowly, I set the letter down. All the wasted years. Where did these letters go? They were addressed to me but I had never read them. I glanced down at an envelope. There was something written across the front of it. I leaned closer. There in my very own handwriting were the clearly written words "Return to Sender".
I spread the envelopes. Sometimes my handwriting was bold and firm, sometimes frail and faint, but every envelope, every un-opened envelope said the same thing. My entire life I'd refused to hear, read or see the truth of God the Father's love for me, love that welled deeper than any ocean, encompassing the heavens, and the love which sent His beloved Son to die in agony for me.
I looked up at the desk. There sat the photograph; a living photograph of me, ever changing. One moment I saw myself a tiny newborn, now a little two year old child, next a rebellious teenager and finally a weary adult. I could see I wasn't alone in the picture. In every scene, God the Father stood with me, laughing with me, crying with me, holding out His arms to me. Yet in so many scenes, I turned away from Him, even pushing Him away, screaming at Him.
"No! He loves you! I mean He loves me! Don't hurt Him!" I cried out as though I could somehow change what I knew to be only a rerun of events long past and gone. The scene in the photograph continued to change, and I covered my eyes, unable to bear the sight of His anguish as I rejected His love, over and over again.
"I'm so very sorry," I told the empty room, for I knew He would hear me.
"Don''t be sad, My little one. I just wanted you to understand how much I love you," God the Father said, His gentle voice deep with compassion.
I whirled around. He stood a few feet from me. "Father! I know You love me. I understand now..." I began, as I rose to my feet and to my amazement, His face lit up with joy.
"Precious lamb! I waited for all eternity to hear you say those words! But tell me, child, do you still fear Me?"
I shook my head, speechless and ran into the warm embrace of my Father's waiting arms. He held me so tightly and love beyond my comprehension flowed through me. A Father's healing love washed away forever the hurt of the past.
Jesus stepped back into the room. "Come, My beloved. Our Father has a very important letter to write," Jesus said, taking my hand.
As we left the room, I looked back over my shoulder to see God the Father sitting at the desk. A different picture appeared in the frame....a tiny speck at first, growing larger as I looked.
We began to walk down the winding stairs,but I heard my Father God's majestic voice speaking out loud, soft, deep, and so full of love as He began to dictate, looking into the photo frame.
"My new creation, your life has just begun this moment and already, I love you...
Jeremiah 1:5 " I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world."
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